Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: we never talk anymore you just lie there
Stranger: did you ever ask me how my day went?
You: i’m under a lot of stress lately
You: the manager’s been breathing down my neck
You: and we have those payments on the new porch coming up
Stranger: that dosent matter we hardly even talk anymore…and im pregnant
You: wait what
You: are you sure
You: oh geez oh man
Stranger: yeah…i thought you should know…i mean we have two kids already but we can get through this
You: alright alright let’s just stay calm
You: hopefully i’ll get a raise before the new kid arrives
You: if not i’ll just have to sell my body
You: but that’s a long time from now
Stranger: honey you can’t do that… not again
You: i know i had an addiction, but i can control it this time
You: i won’t become a whoraholic again
Stranger: well…if you say so…ill just have to trust you
Stranger: just trust me youll know when to stop
You: you know i can’t do that
You: not since the war
Stranger: why can’t all this fighting end…im tired of having to raise children in this wartorn era
You: speaking of the war
You: i’m pretty sure i lost all my reproductive organs to that hand grenade
You: so how exactly are you pregnant
Stranger: funny story about that…
Stranger: do you remember the mailman…ted was his name
You: yes what about him
You: i don’t see how he could possibly be relevant to this
Stranger: well…we had increadible passionate sex while you were out fighting in the war…
You: now i see how he could possibly be relevant to this
Stranger: please just try to understand…
Stranger: you were out fighting and i just needed a strong man to hold me at night.
You: well hm
You: nope, actually i think i’ll just fly into a rage and physically abuse you
You: (this is me ragin)
Stranger: Please no, youll hurt the baby
You: a mailman baby
You: you know how much i hate mailmen
You: it just had to be a mailman didn’t it
Stranger: i’m sorry honey
You: on top of that, this morning a notice came in the mail
You: it’s our youngest daughter
You: she’s been drafted
Stranger: oh god…
You: i was going to hide it and tell you she went to boarding school
You: but now i’m just so dang mad
Stranger: i… i don’t know what to say…
You: which means in a few short weeks
You: she’ll be shipping out to the Superdeath Volcano Islands to fight against the invincible doombots
Stranger: OH DEAR HEAVENS NOOO NOT THE DOOMBOTS!!!
You: i’ve seen the war with the doombots firsthand
You: we didn’t stand a chance
You: and she’s ONLY SEVEN
Stranger: why on earth would they send a child to do such a thing…
Stranger: what is the news from the frontlines, if you know?
You: well the doombots have gotten stronger, i’m told
You: now they’re mega-doombots
Stranger: oh…oh dear god…not our little jessica
You: also all the soldiers have become infected with malaria
You: and AIDS
Stranger: how could this happen!?
You: and something called Ultimate Doom Plague, whatever that is
Stranger: Honey, after this mailman’s baby is born…I’m going to enlist myself into the army.
Stranger: I just cant stand the thought of jessica being out there to fight these things
You: Jessica will be dead within hours of reaching the front
You: if not minutes
Stranger: i know…
Stranger: but i must avenge my child.
You: the mega-doombots have lasers and orbital weapons platforms
You: our soldiers get two bullets some string and a hunk of bread
Stranger: Trust me…i can do this…i’m going to kill as many of those bastards as i can
You: technically they are unliving abominations of technology and dark magic, so you can’t kill them
You: secondly they are completely indestructible
Stranger: I…I just seem to lose the will to live anymore, Roger…this…this just hurts so much
You: the world we live in just seems like complete nonsense sometimes
You: as if…someone just made it up on the spot
You: but you have to live, Clarisse!
You: for the children
You: i guess just for the child, now
Stranger: what…what do you mean…Roger?
You: well i got the test results back from the doctor
Stranger: oh that’s right jesssica being ripped limb from limb
Stranger: what do the results say?
You: they say that your next child has a 98% chance of stillbirth
Stranger: oh no…
Stranger: Damn that mailman and his heroine problems
You: actually the doctor said it was due to your rampant alcoholism
You: you need to stop drinking Clarisse
Stranger: I just cant help it… ever sense this damned war that took my brother and father
You: don’t forget your daughter
Stranger: Fuck…that too
You: hey HEY
You: see you’re drinking right now
You: give me that bottle
Stranger: NO!! IT’S MINE DAMNIT AND IT’S GONNA MAKE THIS ALL BETTER!!!
You: GODDAMMIT ALL CLARISSE
You: WHY WON’T YOU-
Stranger: JUST WHAT ROGER…WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!!!
You: THIS ISN’T WHY WE CAME TO AMERICA
You: WE HAD DREAMS AND AMBITIONS DAMMIT
Stranger: THEN WHY DID WE ROGER, WHY!
Stranger: JUST TO BE KILLED BY THESE DEATHBOTS!?
You: I CAN’T CHANGE THAT
You: I WENT AND I FOUGHT, ALL I GOT WAS MY JUNK EXPLODED
Stranger: oh god…roger… i think my water just broke…
You: oh god
Stranger: THIS CHILD IS GONNA COME OUT!!!
You: WE’VE GOT TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL
Stranger: GET THE CAR…NOW
You: HURRY HURRY HURRY
You: GET IN
You: just breathe okay it’s all gonna be okay
Stranger: it’s all gonna be okay…it’s all gonna be okay…
You: dammit why is there all this traffic
Stranger: because…BECAUSE THE DEATHBOTS ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!!
You: OH GOD
You: LOOK UP IN THE SKY, THEY’RE HERE
Stranger: NO…THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING…NOT NOW
You: HANG ON CLARISSE!
You: I’M GOING TO TRY AND OUTRUN THEM!
Stranger: I…I Love you…i always have…
You: OH NO WE’RE GOING TO GO OFF THE BRIDGE
Stranger: I…I think i see jessica…just hang on baby…i’m coming to get you
You: don’t say that Clarisse
You: i need you more than all the world
Stranger: there may be only a 2 percent chance this child may live…but promise me…promise me you will take care of her…
You: Clarisse, the car is sinking into the sea
You: it’s too late for us
Stranger: it may be… it …just…may…
You: i just wish…it didn’t have to be like this…
Stranger: i’m sorry roger…but i just don’t see a way out of this…
You: i know
You: let us go with dignity
Stranger: all right…before the deathbots find us…
You: also, sharks
You: i just noticed the sharks
Stranger: oh god…your kidding me…
Stranger: do they have lasers…attached to their foreheads?
You: my god
You: they do
You: they’re doombot sharks
Stranger: damnit, cant those doombots just let us die in peace
You: if they did that they wouldn’t be doombots
Stranger: Roger…get the gun from the glove compartment…before the sharks break in to the car
You: yes…it’s better that way…
You: it’s heavier than it looks…
You: who will go first?
Stranger: i… i guess i will…to spare the child
You: all…all right, Clarisse
Stranger: Good bye Roger…
Stranger: i love you
You: i always loved you Clarisse
Stranger: (Clarisse pulls the trigger)
Stranger: (she and her child have died)
You: oh…oh Clarisse…
You: DAMN YOU TO HELL SHARK DOOMBOTS
You: TAKE THIS AND THIS
You: oh goodness i’ve shot out the window
You: leaking fast now
You: right, let us put an end to this…
You: let me be with my love again…
You: steady now Roger…
You: (Roger pulls the trigger)
You: (he has died)
Stranger: What the fuck man
Stranger: what the fuck was that
You: It was…as beautiful as it was terrible
You: this is one for the archives
Stranger: yes it is, yes it is
You: and with that
You: Farewell, Clarisse
Stranger: Goodbye roger… till next time
You have disconnected.
Submitted by Milo from Canada