Tampon Soup
March 18th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Please stop putting your bloody tampons in the soup!
Stranger: I’m sorry, okay?! I like the taste!
Stranger: Plus I thought you were looking a little anaemic and could do with the iron!
You: NO! Vag water tastes worse than it seems!
Stranger: But you need to get some colour back into that pasty skin! :(
You: True, but I could just get a spray tan!
Stranger: IS THAT REALLY THE ANSWER, OR JUST A COVERUP?!
You: I don’t know! I am a ginger and I can’t tan well! It is not my fault, okay!!!
Stranger: just remember to rub your head every day, alright? it’s lucky.
Stranger: and if the carpet matches the curtains, rub down there too.
Stranger: just to be sure.
You: But my hair has too much dandruff in it! I don’t like having dandruff all over my face!
You: HEAD AND SHOULDERS NEVER WORKS!!!!
You: NEVER!!!!
Stranger: are you washing, rinsing and repeating, or just washing and rinsing?
You: I don’t know! Sometimes I don’t wash my hair at all.
Stranger: well then of course it won’t work!
Stranger: you have to scrub it until your scalp bleeds.
You: That sounds painful!
Stranger: pain is beauty!
Stranger: or is it the other way around.
Stranger: hm.
Stranger: beauty is also disgusting. this is why you must eat your lady juice soup!
You: Pain is not beauty! Some weird old guy told me that at his house one day…
You: Then he strapped me to his bed and I can’t remember anything after that.
Stranger: that was just uncle teacher daddy.
Stranger: even if the bible says NO, it’s natural. always remember that.
You: No! I can’t take this religious pressure anymore, I just want to convert to satanism!
Stranger: BIBLE SAYS NO!
You: THE BIBLE HURTS ME AT NIGHT! IT KEEPS TELLING ME NOT TO MASTURBATE! BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD!
Stranger: :[ the baby jesus weeps tears of sadness.
You: Jesus is all grown up now, he doesn’t give 2 craps about me!
Stranger: this is what you think. they don’t tell you about the real jesus.
Stranger: and how you buy him flat packed from ikea.
You: I don’t know, they keep telling me the real jesus is bob saget or something! I don’t know anything anymore!
Stranger: that’s just insanity…
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Submitted by John from USA
Loading ...