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Posts Tagged ‘russia’

Helga And Brunswick

March 16th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: WHAT NOW HELGA? WHAT IS IT?
Stranger: I VANT TO COME OUT OF DAS KITCHEN
You: I TOLD YOU, MAKE ME MAH GODAMN SAMMICH!
Stranger: NO YOU FOOL! MY POOR LEGS! MAKE IT YOURSELF
You: YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! GET ON THE BED! IM GOING TO PUNISH YOU!
Stranger: NO
Stranger: I DONT VANT THAT
You: YES HELGA ITS TIME!
Stranger: NO YOU SNIFFILING PIG
Stranger: DONT TOUCH!
You: FINE HELGA! BUT WHERE WILL YOU GO? WHAT WILL YOU DO?
You: DEMETRI HAS LEFT US AND WERE BARELY SCRAPING BY!
Stranger: I VILL PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO MY HOME LAND…..VELL, I AM USED TO IT
Stranger: I NEVER VANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN
You: BUT HELGA I LOVE YOU!
Stranger: YOU TREAT ME LIKE CRAP! MY LEGS ALVAYS ACHE! YOU DONT LOVE ME!
You: I WORK A 19 HOUR SHIFT AT THE STEEL MILL EVERY DAY! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A SAMMICH AND SOME PUSSY HELGA? IS IT!!!
Stranger: I TAKE CARE OF OUR SECKS KIDS AND DINNER AND ALL HOUSEHOLD CHORES. I JUST VANT TO SLEEP. YOU DONT LOVE ME, YOU….YOU PIG.
You: AND YOUR GOING TO LEAVE ALL OF US? TO PURSUE YOUR OWN SELFISH DREAMS?!?!?!?! DO YOU THINK I WANTED IT TO TURN OUT THIS WAY HELGA??? DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE WORLD I HAD PLANNED FOR US?
Stranger: MAYBE IF I LEAVE YOU WILL SEE WHAT IT’S LIKE. WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WIPE ASS ALL DAY AND THEN COOK DINNER AND THEN HAVE TOP PUT OUT. I VILL PURSUE THE DREAMS YOU TOOK AWAY FROM ME.
You: YOU DRUNKEN WENCH! IVE SEEN YOU LURKING AROUND TOWN WITH THAT HANDSOME VLADIMIR! ITS HIM ISNT IT??? YOU WHORE!!!
Stranger: HE TREATS ME LIKE A LADY!!!!!!! THE VAY YOU DID VHEN VE FIRST MET. VLADIMIR MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!
You: ILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A LADY! *SMACKS ACROSS THE FACE*
Stranger: *HOLDS FACE* YOU….YOU BASTARD! YOU’LL REGRET THAT!!!! VLADIMIR VILL MAKE YOU PAY!
You: ID LIKE TO SEE HIM TRY *GRABS AK-47* WHERE IS THAT SMUCK BASTARD?!?!?
Stranger: NOOOO…YOU VON’T HURT MY LAST CHANCE AT FREEDOM!!! *RUNS OUT THE DOOR*
You: *CHASES AFTER YOU SCREAMING* YOU GET BACK HERE YOU SLUT! I WON’T LET YOU LEAVE!
Stranger: *GETS IN CAR WITH VLADIMIR AND DRIVES OFF* GOODBYE YOU PIG!!!!
You: *SHOOTS OUT THE TIRES, CAR SPINS OUT OF CONTROL AND COLLIDES WITH THE STEEL MILL*
Stranger: *GETS BLOWN TO BITS*
You: HAHAHAHA! YOU SINFUL DEMONS SHALL TROUBLE ME NO MORE!
Stranger: *LIES IN A PILE OF RUBBLE*
You: *RIDES MY POLAR BEAR OFF INTO THE WILDS OF SIBERIA IN THE SUNSET*
Stranger: :]
You: :)
You: that was fun
Stranger: twas
You: this is so going on omegleconversations.com lol
Stranger: haha well good :] …the story of Helga and …Brunswick and their 6 kids is a good one
Stranger: haha
You: indeed farewell burning corpse of helga!
Stranger: farewell polar bear riding Brunswick!
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Chase Knight from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (53 votes, score: 4.62)
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In Soviet Russia…

February 19th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello
Stranger: hello
You: where are you from?
Stranger: Russia
You: ah
Stranger: and you?
You: Sweden
You: In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, party can always find you!
Stranger: M&f?
You: In America, you listen to man on radio. In Soviet Russia, man on radio listen to you!
Stranger: Russia is not a Soviet many years
Stranger: Are you here?
You: In America, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still roundhouse kicks you.
You: I am
Stranger: Chuck Norris is very old
You: In Matrix, you bend spoon. In Soviet Russia, spoon bends you!
Stranger: You don’t love a Soviet Russia?
You: I love Soviet
You: Russia
You: What’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union?

It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s.

Stranger: well. But I don’t love.
You: why not?
You: What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User’s Manual?

The bus and train timetables.

Stranger: Soviet Russia has not a freedom.
You: A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. “I just heard the funniest joke in the world!” “Well, go ahead, tell me!” says the other judge. “I can’t – I just gave a guy ten years for it!”
Stranger: That’s you said, as you lived in Soviet Russia
You: yes
You: An American boasts,
- Our president Hoover stopped people from drinking!
- That’s a cheap trick, – says a Russian, – Our leader Stalin stopped people from eating!
You: got any good inside Russian jokes on tap?
You: something not about vodka or fur hats
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Ola from Sweden

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (35 votes, score: 3.66)
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