Omegle Conversations

You: Oh no

You: not you again

You: You have some nerve coming here again

You: well

You: too late, I already sold them

You: it’s.. nothing *shifty eyes*

You: ok

You: Yes

You: It’s called “Cinnamon Buns. from Jon Lugizioamo”

You: Well, I had to forget your odour mainly

You: You smelt like wet farts and old ladies

You: Well, it’s too late to apologise I’m afraid

You: No

You: We married last april

You: I truly love her, she’s the only one who understands me

You: I know the feeling

You: No

You: You are. I tapped into your credit cards

You: Don’t ask how. I have connections

You: I had to do things I’m not proud of

You: I am very proud of it

You: So is my family

You: And my wife

You: Yes.

You: I’ve had about 2 hybrid kids with my Dog-Wife now

You: Two Twins, both aged 5 months, Cindy and JoJo

You: Damn straight

You: and the sex is fiine

You: missionary

You: So what are you doing with your life now

You: Still living in your mum’s basement

You: Not my fault I have a nacho fetish

You: I hate that show

You: I’m so angry because I forget to take my hit of ectasy in the morning

You: Yeah

You: I was really high yesterday and I think I ran over some guy

You: So I buried him in the front yard

You: of your house

You: Shit, I should have ran you down too

You: Witnesses are bad

You: I sort of did

You: Uhh. Not sure how to say this but…

You: If a russian bride shows up at your doorstep in the next few days, it was just me using your credit card

You: Oops

You: I kinda forgot about that when I was ordering

You: …maybe

You: She’s 85

You: So unless you’re into that

You: No

You: She is a hermaphrodite though

You: so unless you’re into THAT

You: oh, you will be

You: Too right

You: You should try going out with a dog though

You: I hear pitbulls are pretty happening at the moment

You: I hear most of them are shallow

You: THey are

You: I already run a business like that actually

You: It’s doing pretty good

You: nope

You: Try harder

You: Even though it will get you nowhere

You: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

You: HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THE ZIPPER ON YOUR FORHEAD THAT WHOLE TIME

You: Hang on….

You: *unzips outer skin*

You: I come from wetfartslandia as well!

You: …

You: Glorback!?

You: Wow!

You: How you doing man!

You: Hows your wife, Gloopgerackaggack going?

You: Congratulations

You: I see

You: Will do!

You: And you!

You: *unzips outer skin again*

You: Idiot

You: *evil laugh*

You: hey

You: i thought you looked familiar

You: i only came back to get my belongings

You: damn

You: what’s that smell?

You: come here……

You: closer…

You: you smell like cinnamon!

You: you bought a new fragrance

You: you forget about me!

You: i meant ‘to forget about me’

You: i knew he was a bad influence

You: it’s not my fault that i happen to work at a nursing home where many of the people don’t enjoy taco tuesdays

You: I know. but i want the dog

You: or did you sell that too?

You: WHAT?!

You: This is not cool dude

You: i adopted her when her last boyfriend left her for a border collie

You: you know greyhounds don’t fair well with a broken heart

You: does that mean you’re paying for the vet bills?

You: how the hell did that happen?!

You: and marrying MY dog is something you’re not not proud of?

You: family!?!!

You: how many kids?

You: i guess she really is man’s best friend…..with benefits

You: what position?

You: i knew it! she would always lie on her back as she slept

You: should have seen this coming

You: yeah, i am. although we used to be roommates, until you ate all my damn nachos

You: i’m still proud of my decision to move back home based only on the fact that you ate my food

You: and you blamed it on me

You: i can’t believe i fed your addiction

You: this is why everytime the show “intervention” was on, you’d throw the remote at the television

You: it all makes sense now

You: i can tell

You: if the walls could talk

You: …

You: they’d choose not to because you’re always so angry and negative

You: now you’re a drug addict too!?

You: man, you’ve changed since last week

You: THAT WAS YOU!?

You: i saw that! i didn’t know what was going on

You: i just thought it was a really intense game of cops and robbers

You: you could practically just live my life since you’ve stolen my credit card info and everything

You: but….?

You: MAN! you know i live in my mom’s basement! she’s going to freak out

You: is she at least pretty? this might be a chance for me to start a new life

You: please Dear God, don’t let her have wet farts….

You: at this point, i’ll take anything

You: i’m not into that necessarily.

You: but getting some is better than getting none i guess

You: but i always wanted a jack russell terrier

You: of course. i mean, especially since the whole Wishbone show

You: all terriers think they’re badasses

You: how about a Russian dog?

You: we should turn that into a business

You: it’s pretty lucrative

You: can i join in? i mean, that’s the least you can do after stealing my credit cards, my dog and selling my stuff

You: damn

You: i’m trying here man

You: *unzips outer skin*

You: I DON’T NEED TO TRY YOU LOWLY HUMAN!!!!

You: IT IS YOU WHO HAS NOT BEEN TRYING HARD ENOUGH!

You: YOU SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT I WAS NOT OF THIS PLANET

You: TO YOU I SMELL LIKE WET FARTS AND OLD PEOPLE BUT THAT IT THE NATURAL AROMA OF MY HOME GALAXY

You: IT IS THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER FRAGRANCE ON THE PLANET OF WETFARTSLANDIA

You: BROTHER!?!?!? I haven’t seen you in milennia!

You: i’m doing just fine, Grogatron!

You: she is doing very well. we just had our 15th child.

You: yes, he is named Child 15

You: it makes it easier on us

You: Anyway, I must be going now. Gloopgerackaggack sent me to buy some flubber but i just got side-tracked here on this lousy yet interesting planet

You: family reunion in 5 eons! be there!

You: Take care my good brother!

You: *beamed up into spacecraft and flies away*

You: hey

You: 19

You: u?

You: ima guy

You: from lithuania

You: u?

You: oh that’s cool

You: what color are you?

You: hmm can u evolve into blue?

You: oh cool

You: what color u wear the most

You: ?

You: oh nice

You: what sex are you then?

You: niice

You: and what is your position in mercury? I mean civilian, soldier, scientist?

You: etc.

You: what do you have to do?

You: ok

You: do I have to fill a form or something?

You: ok ask away

You: It is caused by not having sexual intercourse for too long. From what I hear. It causes blod clots in the veins in genitalia and human body rots from the inside until the infection spreads to the heart which pumps the blood (like an engine or something) and when the main parts of the heart rots too much it stops working and the body dies.

You: hmm officer, you think our species could be endangered by this?

You: Because I think I should warn the goverment or something. They must start advertising sex

You: I see. Well is your people concerned to help us?

You: you see the structure of the human genes is that this action might cause genetic mutations. I mean when siblings are mating

You: Yes, but noone updated his paper after he died and it is a little outdated

You: Jean Grey was suppose to continue his work, but since she is out of her mind we cannot allow this.

You: I am pretty sure he did, because he was in a wheel chair and his genitalia couldn’t process the needed functions

You: The press explained his death to people as if some “magneto” had killed him to not cause massive panic you see

You: hmm are you talking about THE wheel chair of Xaviers?

You: I think the goverment tried to outmatch you, but they never had the chance. I believe their position amongts citizens is weakening day by day.

You: I am just afraid, because I don’t know how long is this lie going to last. The revolution might start any day.

You: You will have to connect to the new presidents and make new alliences.

You: Ok

You: I am more than happy to help save the galaxy

You: Indeed

You: Oh this is easy to explain. It’s biological tho and I don’t know if you know enough about the human anatomy.
The problem lies within the eye. Or rather the brain part called cerebrum. It controls the eye and the information received. You see the round shaped box might not be seen with the naked eye.

You: If eyes are not enhanced through a way of surgery, humans cannot see the round boxes. It is this way that the evolution made us.

You: There is another interesting aspect. No human can reach his elbow with his tongue.

You: Also because somewhere in the evolution some genetic error got mixed up in the brain.

You: oh we have those

You: only smaller ones

You: What do you think must I do? Should I inform any authorities?

You: ok

You: I bow to your greatness oh mighty Mercurian.

You: English in not my native tongue but I hope you understood what I had in mind.

You: Only a small portion of population knows my dialect.

You: Could the earthlings expect a contact from your leaders any time soon?

You: You could send a radio message.

You: That would be welcome.

You: The humans are trying to reach other civilizations for hundreds of years. But I know it is not possible with this pathetic technology level that we are in

You: Not for another 400,000 years.

You: Do you have a death penalty ?

You: If you think avril lavigne is bad, try launching lady gaga’s songs to mercurians on death sentence

You: A death penalty is a punishment when you take the life of a criminal for a really hard crime.

You: Tho I do not know how you will test it, because if heard by a normal ear it might melt your brains in seconds

You: Unless you have a mind shield or any kind of protection

You: Then I am glad if you take my preposition into consideration.

You: Oh my! But you know the saying: That which does not kill you – makes you stronger.

You: Your species seem to be extremely intelligent.

You: Is there a way to get at least a tiny portion of your knowledge for an average human being?

You: Let me guess – we have the weakest one.

You: (the humans I mean)

You: I am glad that I could aid you.

You: I now want to step outside and inject poison into my system.

You: haha! OPTIMISM!!!! You lie to me :/

You: Bye!