Psychological Examination

Home > Conversations > Psychological Examination

Psychological Examination

July 30th, 2010

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: are you A) a ninja who just murdered the wrong man and is feeling gulity, B) a camel trying to find it’s lost mother, C) on Mars and on fire or D) waiting for the Elder Gods to wake?

Stranger: all the above

You: Ok, lie down on the sofa and we get started….

You: *gets notebook*

Stranger: ::lies down::

You: So how does being a ninja camel on mars make you feel?

Stranger: it makes me feel like the world is at my finger tips and i can’t stop peeing my pants.

You: I see, I see *takes notes*

Stranger: ::whistles::

You: All right now tell me how you feel about your mother

Stranger: ….she abused me as a child.

You: All right is that why you into being a ninja?

Stranger: well i’m actually an air bender, not a ninja.

You: I see. I’m sorry I din’t mean to get it wrong my notes say ninja…

Stranger: it’s okay, everyone misunderstands.

You: Well as your shrink I want to get it right. This is a safe place you can trust me. *pats your hand

Stranger: do you happen to have any animal crackers or mac and cheese, they help me calm down.

You: Well I do but the monkeys all have pants and mock the hippos who don’t

Stranger: …fuck i hate when that happens.

You: *opens box of animal crackers and sets them down next to you*

Stranger: ::spazzes out and eats them uncontrollably::

You: Now, it says on your chart here that you have urges to eat grass and lick rocks

You: Is that so?

Stranger: …i hate to admit it but yeahh. not so much grass, but ohmygosh rocks.

You: It’s ok I won’t judge

Stranger: thankyou kind one.

You: That’s for the Judge haha, speaking of your trial is upcomeing. Hence why we’re talking right now

Stranger: trial? FUCK WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?

You: Calm down, nothing much just stabbed a few old ladies with a spork. I think we get you out of it, play the race card and the missing mother and on fire thing

Stranger: it wasn’t a spork i swear! it was a bendy straw. i didn’t mean to…just…justt… she had some rocks. you know how i get.

You: I understand, I do. But you need to feel the remorse not just say it

Stranger: thankyou for understanding. not many people do.

You: Ok now breathe, in and out, in and out think about relaxing things.

Stranger: ::breathes in::

Stranger: ::breathes out::

Stranger: ::breathes in::

You: Deep blue waters….

Stranger: ::chokes::

You: OMG SERIAL KILLER RIGHT BEHIND YOU

Stranger: ASHFASJKFHASFASDFSDFSA OHHH NOOO! HELP ME D:

Stranger: ::goes all air bender on the killer::