Time Machine

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Welcome to my shop!
Stranger: what is it that you sell?
You: Ohh i have many things, musical instruments, time machine, swords, and much much more!
You: I sell pretty much everything to be honest.
Stranger: Oooh, I’ll take the time machine! How much?
You: That’ll be 1,000,000,000 dollars.
You: Cash check or credit?
Stranger: Well I’m British so how much is that in pounds?
You: Ahh let me see…
You: One moment please, doing my caclulations
Stranger: Okie dokie
You: That’ll be 691,156,621.32 pounds!
Stranger: Damn it! Can’t I have it for free?
You: Erhm….
You: Well I’m not s’pose to do this but…
You: Sure, here you go!
You: But be careful, don’t go out and kill your grandfather now.
You: We’re still not quite sure how to handle paradoxes.
Stranger: Ah, okay. I’ll try to be careful. Thank you!
You: You’re welcome my friend!
You: Be careful, and i hope to see you again!
Stranger: Thanks again (:
You: No problem.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by James from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (27 votes, score: 2.52)
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Mapping Out Military Strategy

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: greetings legioneer
You: hello :P
Stranger: on the morrow we shall begin out assault
You: okay…
Stranger: The best strategic move would be to keep two flanks in reserve…
You: hmm…
Stranger: and when the enemy artillery fire..
Stranger: retreat 50 yards
You: ah, okay, I see.
Stranger: advance with the two reserve flanks and the granadeers will suppress them
Stranger: then the main battallion can advance
You: Good plan…
You: How early?
Stranger: a great number of men, we can expect, will lay down their lives
Stranger: on the dawn of tomorrow
You: dawn. Hmm. Might have a problem with that.
Stranger: it shall be for the good of humanity and our empire
You: My alarm clock doesnt work. =(
Stranger: have you tried replacing the batteries?
You: I havent, actually. Maybe I should do that.
Stranger: and doesn’t our mobile have an alarm?
You: Ah. You’re a clever one. It does…
You: BUT,
You: I have one more question
You: “a great number of men…” I’m female. Does that matter?
Stranger: you have not revealed this before my lord… lady? I’m shocked!
You: Well, I never felt the need to. However, looking at me, I’m very obviously female…
Stranger: well, the beard maybe lead me to believe otherwise
You: Beard? I think perhaps you are confusing me with someone else.
Stranger: but, you are General Michael Phillips of the 78th armoured legion of His Majesty’s glorious empire, are you not?
You: Ah, no. That’s my brother. He’s not here right now. So I just take over the duties until he returns.
Stranger: oh I see. I must debrief the men, perhaps you can make them all sandwiches or something ma’am?
You: Hm. Why dont we discuss this some other time? My culinary skills aren’t up to much today, I’m afraid.
Stranger: I see, okay. And perhaps further conferencing shall not be done online to avoid confusion
You: That would be ideal.
Stranger: and humorous misunderstandings such as this one will be a thing of the past
Stranger: good night ma’am
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Alys from Wales

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (16 votes, score: 3.63)
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Got Milk?

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: GOT MILK?
You: nah but i got mayo
You: wud u like some?
Stranger: yes please
You: ok close ur eyes
You: put* put*
Stranger: kk
Stranger: now what
You: wud u like some chocolate with that mayo?
Stranger: ye
You: Open wide
Stranger: open
You: HUNGGGGHHHHHHH
You: AAAH
Stranger: wtf
You: hows that for a chocolate bar?
Stranger: was that
Stranger: jesus H Christ
You: Son of mary and joseph
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Andrei from Poland

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (21 votes, score: 3.48)
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Good Coke, Though.

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: here, try this cocaine.
Stranger: Thanks, mate.
You: want a drink?
Stranger: Depends on what you have.
You: is gin ok?
Stranger: Suuure.
You: it’s good with the coke
Stranger: You mind if I try out this sofa of yours?
You: yeah go for it
Stranger: Nice cushions.
You: it’s custom
Stranger: Awesome. Where’d you get it from?
You: italy
You: same leather they use in ferraris
Stranger: When you been to Italy? I haven’t heard of this.
You: for the Bienalle.
You: i did my performance piece there
Stranger: Ohhh, right.
Stranger: So anything else new with you?
You: you know, the usual. I’ve been really into the new BK double-down
You: I’ve been getting like…2 a day for the past week
Stranger: I never have the slightest idea of what you’re talking about, Willis.
Stranger: Good coke, though.
You: it’s a sandwich
Stranger: Huh?
Stranger: Wow.
You: it’s two chicken breasts instead of bread. with bacon, cheese, and a zesty sauce.
Stranger: I think I’m tripping on something else than cocaine here if this thing in my hand is actually a sandwich…
Stranger: What’d you put in my gin, Willis?!
You: fuck man….i don’t know, that feels like 3 hours ago now
You: this coke is strong
You: there
You: it’s by the fireplace
Stranger: Uh…
Stranger: What is?
Stranger: What’re you talking about??
You: fuck i don’t remember
You: we need some music
Stranger: Don’t go over the river, Willis
Stranger: Please just don’t
Stranger: There’s no pot of gold at the other side…
You: what’s there?
Stranger: I don’t know, man.
Stranger: I think it’s growling at me.
You: for real. you need another drink
You: *chops more lines of cocaine*
You: here. do this fatty
Stranger: You’re not going to let me zone out and then take pictures of me again, are you??
You: look we were all out of our heads that night
You: when am i gonna ever live it down
Stranger: I don’t know when to trust you anymore, man
You: you always get like this when you drink
Stranger: I’m just sayin’!
Stranger: Just sayin’…
Stranger: Yup
You: *mocking voice* “I’m just sayin, I’m just saying”
Stranger: I’m JUST SAYIN’, WILLIS!!
Stranger: Jesus
Stranger: Fucking… parrot.
Stranger: Stop that
You: That’s it.
Stranger: What?
Stranger: Noooo, don’t leave me alone on this sofa now.
You: Every time, man. Every fucking time.
Stranger: It’s still GROWLING at me!
Stranger: Asshole.
Stranger: See, this is what I mean, can’t trust you… Just sayin’, man…
You: here take a xanax, it’ll take the edge off
Stranger: *taking the xanax* Just sayin’…. Just sayin’
You: your lips are getting blue dude
You: we need to get outside
You: but i don’t wanna go anywhere
Stranger: My brains are falling outta my head because of you
You: have a cigarette
Stranger: We CAN’T go!
Stranger: It’s still there
Stranger: You think I’m walking past that thing?
Stranger: Are you going to feed me to it, Willis??
You: hey man
You: you’re losing your shit
Stranger: Whuh
Stranger: Ehhh…. what?
You: here
You: smoke this joint
You: it’ll mellow you out
Stranger: So y’know… y’know… so… how’s Bridget these days
You: that bitch?
You: fine I guess. She’s vegan now.
Stranger: Guhh… okay.
You: I know, right?
Stranger: Why’d you have to call her bitch, man??
You: After the shit she was saying about me?
You: Going around telling everyone I have a drug problem?
You: That’s defamation of character.
Stranger: Shit, Willis… shit
You: And I’ll be damned if I
You: if I’m gonna get defamed by a vegan.
Stranger: Maybe she’s right y’know?
Stranger: Shit man
Stranger: Just sayin’
You: *snorting another line*
You: Right about what?
You: Killing animals?
You: Big deal man. We have to eat.
You: Double down.
Stranger: Ohhhh fuck
Stranger: Just…
Stranger: Nevermind
Stranger: Your voice’s kinda garbled
Stranger: ‘s a nice change
You: *sniffing, rubbing gums*
Stranger: WHaaat?
Stranger: What’d you say?
You: *takes sip of gin, clears throat*
You: I was just saying, man, that like….if she won’t eat animals, then like…is it okay to eat a placenta? I mean, like, like, like, nothing died, right?
Stranger: … I’d do it in her butt.
You: It’s like, like a ceremony, like, ancient shit, like, like, like, like, like sacred and shit.
Stranger: (This is the single best Omegle conversation I’ve ever had, but I have to go now. :’D)
You: *sniffing*
You: you know where to find me, Fabian
Stranger: … *passed out and drooling*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Andrew from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (32 votes, score: 4.34)
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Fancy An Owl?

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: GREETINGS STRANGER.
Stranger: i have GOOD THINGS on SALE
You: Oooo
You: I have a surplus of capital
You: Show me these things
Stranger: an EXELLENT CHOICE!
Stranger: i have this… LIVE BABY OWL
Stranger: *produces owl from a bag*
Stranger: and also
Stranger: i have these.. SLOW LORIS
Stranger: that are trained to wear FANCY CLOTHES
You: Hmm..
You: The owl sounds rather appropriate
You: I have a baby rabbit
You: That needs to be eaten
You: And a baby owl would fill my needs to see that happen
You: Then maybe I can sick the owl on my sister
You: And see what becomes of the two in an epic human-owl fight
Stranger: the owl is perfect for ritual sacrifices, disposing of pests (such as this rabbit) and of course, for just plain looking at
You: Hmm
You: Does it come with buffing lotion?
You: I want it to sparkle
Stranger: dear god yes
You: I want all my friends to be like “Hey..why the fuck is that owl so shiny? What the fuck did you do to it? What the fuck man..”
Stranger: you think i would sell an owl without owl buffing lotion?
Stranger: do you take me for a fool sir?!
Stranger: ALL OWLS must be shiney
You: No, I apologize
You: It’s just
You: My last purchase of owl wasn’t so great
Stranger: do tell me what happened, for i can hunt down the vendor who wronged you so and either kill him of violate him sexually.
You: I arrived home to open the box and cut away the fresh-seal packaging only to find that I was sold a transformer made of used batteries
You: Sexual violation please
You: Then send me the recording
You: So I may sell it online as gay internet porn
You: I will not enjoy it, but I will profit from it
Stranger: MY GOD. i know just the bloke who would do such a thing
Stranger: CARNIGE BAXTER FEATHERING WALTHAMSTONE.
You: Then allow the sexual violation to begin!
Stranger: i come for him
You: Do as you please with him!
You: But remember
You: Record. Gay porn. Profit
Stranger: oh i would have recorded it anyway
Stranger: for.. my.. uh. personal records.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: yes thats a favorable excuse
You: Tis
You: But then again, one needs to be protected
You: And I hear if you catch any STDs, you can play the tape backwards and your STDs will go away
You: But if you have the herpes..you have to open up jars of peanutbutter and let them sit on the floor to trap your herpes inside
Stranger: pardon my lack of response, mine eyes are flooded over with tears from laughing so god damn hard. and of course, not that this is something to be jested about,
Stranger: for you see i have the jars open and prepared for any herpes that might arive
Stranger: OH THERES THE BASTARD NOW! CARNIGE! I SHALL RAPE YOU! HAVE AT THEE
You: Violate him!
You: Do it for me, and my used battery transformer!
You: It wasn’t even a popular transformer
You: He transformed from a robot, to a blender.
You: Quite useless
Stranger: *over the course of the next minute or so the kind vendor stranger violates carnigie baxter feathering walthamstone by not only raping him but inserting the kind gentlemen’s battery transformer into his rectal cavity. he then proceeds to fist the man until he blacks out and bleeds to death out his anus. the entire thing has been captured on film by SONY (R) digital recording devices
Stranger: well here you are my good sir
Stranger: i dare say it would have been better if i had the transformer in blender form, then turned it on whilst it was inside him.
You: Dolby digital? I demand good sound quality!
Stranger: But of course! only the best my good man
You: You sir, are a great person to do business with.
Stranger: As are you!
You: If we were in jail, I’d protect you in the showers.
You: Thank you kind sir for your business. And I do hope we run into each other again. I am Canadian, and will do my best to depart you with the warmest of British goodbyes.
Stranger: dear me no ones ever protected me in the showers before
You: Ahh, but I would
You: Do not worry
You: Your rectal cavity will remain dark and barren
You: And a one-way road.
Stranger: i dare say, that sounds smashingly good!
You: I must agree
Stranger: i do hope we run into each other again to do business once more
Stranger: if not twice, lest, three times!
Stranger: i shall bring more owls for our next business meeting
You: Thrice as some would say!
You: Ohh
You: I will be ready good sir
You: Toodles, and I wish you luck on your future travels
Stranger: and to you as well my good man! fare thee well
You: Ta-tahhh!
You have disconnected.

Submitted by B from Canada

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (27 votes, score: 4.33)
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I Are Serious Cat

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: HEY
You: Hiiii
Stranger: WHATS UP?
You: Trying to figure out why my cat left me and won’t come back…
You: I’ve been a good man to her
You: or him..
Stranger: ….thats too bad
You: Can’t you help me, please?!
Stranger: well im no cat psychologist…but opening the tin of cat food might work
You: No
You: My problems are more serious than that now. I need you to come over
Stranger: give me 5
You: K
You: When you come over, you have to pretend to be a cat. And I’ll have a leash ready
Stranger: whoa whoa buddy….were you romantically involved with this cat?
You: No…
You: I didn’t know the sex of the cat to be romantically involved like that
Stranger: haha
You: So you’ll come over and pretend to be a cat till I fall asleep, right?
Stranger: yup
Stranger: ill purr and everything
You: Do you have other cat friends who can come along?
You: I used to invite samson and saddam from the alley to come inside and play with cat and me
Stranger: i might, but they are usually busy this time of night stalking around outside for mice
Stranger: what was your cat’s name?
You: I have can’s of tin open
You: Cat
Stranger: so your cat’s name is cat?
You: Yeah
Stranger: hmmm
Stranger: perhaps that is why he left
Stranger: my cat’s name is Charlie
You: Now that’s just silly, naming your cat a human name like that
You: Does he resent you for it?
Stranger: brb in 4
Stranger: okay
Stranger: it is not silly naming him a person name
You: He doesn’t resent you?
Stranger: of course not
Stranger: my other two cats are named Muffin and Rascal
You: How do you know that Charlie is a guy cat?
Stranger: bcuz he had his balls cut off when the time was right
You: You’re such a monster!
You: I left my cat alone down there
You: Cat would get snagged on pointy objects now and then, but at least cat had it’s manhood/womanhood
Stranger: yeah but consider how many cats are at the ASPCA all bcuz people dont spay or neuder their cats and then they have to dir bcuz they is over crowding
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by B from Canada

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (16 votes, score: 2.94)
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Misantrophic Stranger

June 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i hate everyone
You: misanthropy is unbecoming
Stranger: i really need some encouragement
You: Alright, what’s the problem?
Stranger: what about just straight up anthropy?
You: Then you have a party on your hand
You: Where the dutch aren’t invited
Stranger: …i’m dutch.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by B from Canada

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (35 votes, score: 4.26)
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Surplus Trouble

May 29th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: 20 m usa, save you some trouble.
You: trouble saved
You: now what do I do with this excess trouble?
Stranger: what
You: Well I saved some trouble, now i have a surplus of trouble that I don’t know what to do with.
Stranger: what i people on this so fucking weird
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by B from Canada

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (103 votes, score: 4.71)
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Confrontation

May 29th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello waldo
You: it looks like we meet face to face
You: finally i have found u
Stranger: Dammit you found me.
Stranger: I was hidden so well!!! Who told you, was it that guy in the cowboy hat? Or the clown?!
You: u see waldo
You: i am satan
Stranger: =O
Stranger: Shit, noo!
Stranger: Wh-what will you do to mehh..?
You: ill b seein u again in 8 years
You: when u die of asphyxiation
Stranger: WHAT?!
You: u sneeky bastard u
You: u have evaded me for o so long
Stranger: You will not be seeing me agian…I must go hide on the last page, no one shall find me there!
You: too late
You: ur a marked man waldo
You: u can no longer hide
You: u see
Stranger: I…I…..I won’t believe it!
You: ive offered sherlock holmes his soul back
You: in return for hunting u
Stranger: …no…I thought I got rid of him in my third book…
Stranger: How can you do such a thing?!
You: well u see his bodie is gone
Stranger: DEMON!
You: the best of all
Stranger: What?
You: he is inhabiting robert downie jr’s body
Stranger: God, you monster! Do you realizw what you’ve done?!
You: how else do u think he could have portrayed his character so well?
You: yes
You: i do
Stranger: …I will live, I will do everything possible to run away, to hide and never be caught.
You: too late
Stranger: I’m persistant. You of all peopl eknow that.
You: o i do know that
You: but so am i
You: u of all ppl should know that
Stranger: Touche, demon. But why do you cower behind a human being, why not kill me yourself.
You: i would if it wasnt for those meddling kids and there stupid dog casting a protection charm on u
Stranger: Of course…well. I’m sure that I will not be found. If I am GOING to kill my captor.
You: u shall never acomplish such a task u treacherous swine
You: u were once my favorite demon and my right hand man
Stranger: U disgusting spawn of hell.
You: but now u have joined the ranks of the mortals
You: no more disgusting than u, u half human meatsack
Stranger: I know. I have seen rhe light, it revealed what was under the darkness.
Stranger: Mortality is resiliant. They can continue without a leader, you. If you’re killed your entire army dies.
You: well now that u have seen it
You: u MUST die
Stranger: God protect me!!11
You: too late
Stranger: *runs*
You: holmes get him!
Stranger: You cannot capture me demon!
Stranger: I am, WALDO!!!!
Stranger: *RAWR*
You: that may b so but im not a mere demon
Stranger: You’re right
You: im satan the master of all demons
Stranger: You are less
Stranger: You are the scum of the universe, not even you can like yourself
You: what?! u dare speak to me like that
Stranger: Look at yourself, shine light upon your face.
You: never
Stranger: It will reveal what yo u are
You: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: Have you ever wondered what you look like, the light tells you.
Stranger: I know you want to know!!!!
You: i do not! i never want to know!
Stranger: Because you are afraid?!!!
You: yes
Stranger: YOU ARE, CONQUER THIS FEAR, THE LIGHT!
You: u r quite wise waldo
You: but that wont stop me
You: holmes pull the trigger
You: *bang*
Stranger: Neither will your Holmes, pulls out bomb on chest.
Stranger: *BULLET HUTS BOMB*
You: *explosion*
You: well this looks like the end for me, u, sherlock holmes, and robert downie jr
Stranger: Indeed.
You: goodbye old friend
Stranger: Goodbye. it’s been fin
Stranger: fun*
You: yes
You: yes it has
Stranger: I hope to see you, another time. Pherhaps on better circumatances
You: as do i
Stranger: Circumstances*
Stranger: Goodbye, I say.
Stranger: One
You: goodbye
Stranger: last
Stranger: time
You: so now u must press disconnect
Stranger: *dramatic music*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Jelinek from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (36 votes, score: 4.06)
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Forbidden Love

May 23rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hello !
You: HEY THERE
Stranger: What are you ?
You: a carrot/chair cross
You: you?
Stranger: I’m a mermaid.
You: aww, that’s beautiful
You: not gunna lie, I look pretty ugly..what with my mother being a carrot and my father a chair..
Stranger: If they love each other, itøs okay
Stranger: it’s*
You: very true..that’s how they feel, and also how i feel..but their families are a little less accepting
Stranger: Sad
You: the neighbouring green pepper married a pencil, and they were shunned, chased out of town with sticks and bricks..it was rather unpleasant
Stranger: I just don’t understand why people can’t just leave them alone !
You: I know..i mean..if they love each other, that should be the only thing that matters, right? theres a ‘crossovers’ bar downtown..its less of a bar, more of a family restaurant, but thats where everyone who has fell in love with something of a different species and pursued it goes
You: we’re really just like one big family now
Stranger: Yeah, we can’t stop em !
You: there’s the angel that married the horse and had kids..i’m not sure of the angels name, but the horse is called Patrick..anyway, my point is, they’re in love and their kids..their kids are the most beautiful creatures alive! so beautiful!
Stranger: Exactly !!
Stranger: But i’m sad to say, i have to go, it’s 3 am here and i’ve got to get some sleep. You write really really good english and you’re awesome.
You: Aww, thank you :) This was a brilliant conversation, and i’m gunna upload it to www.omegleconversations.com haha ;D good night! x
Stranger: Heheh, see you never<3
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Linzi from UK

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (32 votes, score: 3.34)
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