These Are Not The Droids You Are Looking For

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello citizen
You: wait, are those the droids I am looking for?
Stranger: Those aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
You: Oh, move along then
Stranger: *Takes out lightsaber*
You: A JEDI
You: *fires weak laser rifle*
Stranger: *Deflects laser*
Stranger: *Cuts off arm*
You: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargghhhhhh, why? WHY? I have two kids
You: one of which shows great promise in the imperial academy
You: now I can only teach him stuff that involves one arm
You: you jedi are all the same
Stranger: Yes, dead because of the Empire.
Stranger: *Cuts off other arm*
You: ok, that was just not necessary.. I was already seriously incapacitated
Stranger: You must learn to use the force.
You: I must learn not to bleed to death right now
You: *bleeds to death*
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Storm Trooper from Tatooine

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (8 votes, score: 4.75)
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No Pics For You

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i m looking for a horny girl
You: I’ll show you my pic if you can answer me three questions.
Stranger: what
You: What is your name?
Stranger: lorenz
You: What is your quest?
Stranger: sex
You: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Stranger: dont know
Stranger: by
You: Adios
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Jordan from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (18 votes, score: 4.78)
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Extreme Dirty

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello
Stranger: hey. m/f?
You: m
Stranger: r u horny?
You: yes
Stranger: wanna talk? ;) 24f btw
You: mmm, yes
Stranger: extreme dirty, mild dirty, or no dirty?
You: extreme dirty
Stranger: u go 1st. get me started
You: Okay, I want to push you against a wall while kissing you and tie your hands together, then kiss down your body slowly while tying your feet together
Stranger: shouldnt my legs be uh, spread? ;)
You: Good point, I untie your feet and slap your bottom to get it ready
Stranger: i wanna go down on you. id play wit the tip of ur manhood then put it all in my mouth and suck u.
Stranger: get reaaally dirty and creativ now. :)
You: mmmm, I want to pick you up by your neck and throw you on the bed, then get a knife and cut you from collar bone to belly button so I can feel your organs against me when I penetrate you
Stranger: ill touch myself while we tlk
You: Then cut a hole in your sternum so I can squeeze your heart as I cum
Stranger: thts creepy. bye
You: :)
You: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by David from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations, lol what
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (16 votes, score: 4.75)
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Tea Party

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: let’s just sit here in silence and enjoy each others company.
You: you smell terrific.
Stranger: I agree
Stranger: I like your hair
You: thank you
You: where did you get that fine top hat?
Stranger: it was my grandpas
You: how charming.
You: this watch also belonged to your grandpa.
You: he gave it to me in quebec one summer.
You: may i have a slice of that cake?
Stranger: sure
Stranger: would you like some coffee as well?
You: i’d love some.
You: this garden is such a nice place to sit.
Stranger: yes, grandma is buried right over there
You: oh my!
You: is that difficult for you?
Stranger: nope, I just hope no one finds out that I killed her
You: well, your secret is safe with me, you know.
Stranger: of course, or I would have to kill you too! :)
You: oh, ha ha ha! you silly thing.
You: will you kindly slay that dragon who is eyeing my cake?
You: i would, but i haven’t my sword.
Stranger: Hubert!!! stop it!
You: wow. he is very well-trained.
You: he stopped immediately.
You: so what shall we do today?
Stranger: hmm, there is a liquor store I’ve been meaning to rob
You: delightful!
You: for the money or the booze?
Stranger: both I believe
You: grand! count me in.
You: do you have any weapons, my friend?
Stranger: nope, just my knuckles
You: and what fierce knuckles they seem to be.
You: hey! maybe Hubert will help us. he can be our getaway car.
Stranger: grand idea
You: all right. we shall climb aboard his scaly back and fly at once to the liquor store.
You: here we are!
Stranger: ok, I’ll stay out with Hubert, go get the money
You: but i need your knuckles! mine arent half as fierce.
You: well i guess i can try. i’ll brb. what kind of liquor do you want?
Stranger: any kind
You: all right.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Natalie from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (10 votes, score: 4.30)
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Psychonauts

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi there
Stranger: I’m male, in case that bothers you
You: I am the milkman
You: my milk is delicious
Stranger: Stay away from the girlscouts…
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Mother from Denmark

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (9 votes, score: 4.78)
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Disgustingly Objectionable

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey
You: are you a woman?
Stranger: hi
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: u?
You: oh, so you have a computer in the kitchen? Nice
Stranger: no
You: I am confused now
Stranger: in my room ok?
You: probably some kind of shopping cart mounted laptop?
Stranger: ?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by McTea from Wales

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (17 votes, score: 4.41)
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Wtf?

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are u jerk?
You: yes
You: are you?
Stranger: you are jerk
Stranger: i am not
Stranger: i am idiot
Stranger: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Jonathan from Norway

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (8 votes, score: 3.00)
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The Son of Gary Busey

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: sup
You: Hey
Stranger: How are you DOING
You: Why is “DOING” so big? Is it trying to intimidate the other words in your sentence?
Stranger: no, when I say it out loud to people, I say it enthusiastically
Stranger: so it kind of bleeds through to my typing
You: That doesnt scare them?
You: ….I’m scared :(
Stranger: You know what you should be scared of? The fact that Gary Busey’s son was born…
Stranger: he has a child
Stranger: i don’t know if he has any othrs
Stranger: others
Stranger: but….
Stranger: that man is fucking TOOTHY and CRAZAZAZY
You: What if I WAS Garey Busey’s son? Hmm?
You: Didn’t think of that did u?
Stranger: HE’S A NEWBORN INFANT!!!!
You: He could be intelligent The Busey family genius could have skipped a generation
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: sure!
You: Now u must find him and apologize just in case he attempts world domination
You: Shall I accompany u as ur faithful sidekick?
Stranger: please, i’ll need support
You: What shall we take with us to defeat Busey Jr.?
Stranger: well
Stranger: some pot, definitely
Stranger: just to you know
Stranger: keep us thinking clearly
You: I’m allergic to possessing illegal substances I’m sad to say it is my only fault
You: :(
Stranger: that is WRONG!
You: I kno *I cry*
Stranger: that ruins EVERYTHING
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by KiDevin from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, score: 4.00)
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Conversation With a Martian

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello
Stranger: Hello, Earthling.
You: My god
You: you’re god
Stranger: I am not familiar with this concept.
Stranger: We do not have this concept on Mars.
You: That’s a dangerous environment to live in
Stranger: Indeed. But we have adapted.
You: We earthlings have much to learn
You: may we sample your skin, to prevent the spread of skin cancer?
Stranger: Unfortunately there have been documented ill effects on test subjects.
You: do they die on the table?
Stranger: No, it is a delayed reaction.
Stranger: It is rather horrible.
You: Is it an expensive process to cover up the atrocities of Martian experimentation on humans?
Stranger: Not as such, as we have a stable supply of human currency from several governing bodies.
Stranger: It has been speculated that they allow us to continue because they are afraid.
Stranger: It is kind of puzzling to us that they would be afraid.
You: Seeing as you like to corrupt other cultures, is it only safe to assume that your own civilization is fundementally corrupt?
Stranger: It is far less corrupt than some cultures we have encountered.
Stranger: The beings of Ursa Minor Beta are particularly depraved.
You: Depravity is not necessarily corrupt.
Stranger: Indeed. The translator is scolding me.
You: You should talk straight from the heart and practice your English. Fire your translator.
Stranger: The last time a non-telepath attempted that, there were… incidents.
You: I’m sure that’s some statistic that translators only like to bring up as so to protect their jobs.
Stranger: Quite probably. But I do not have the ability to determine whether or not there truly were incidents, as they have been erased from the Martian cultural memory.
Stranger: Many of us think it is a conspiracy.
You: This is obviously another significance of how corrupt your culture is, this caste system of yours.
Stranger: Indeed. I have lately been considering joining the revolution.
Stranger: The telepaths have been in power for too long.
You: Armed insurrection versus telepaths seems unwise.
Stranger: We are developing shielding technology.
You: It’s probably just the telepaths selling you shieldng technology so you’d continue some kind of puppet war in order to stimulate the economy and rally the patriotic banner
You: those wankers
Stranger: We have already determined which methods are our own plans and which have been suggested to us by the enemy.
Stranger: It was the aluminum foil; we quickly realized that it acts as an amplifier for their powers.
You: Really? How many generations did it take you guys to realize that all you had to do was take of these shiny, telepath performance enhancing helmets of yours?
You: *off
Stranger: We discovered it shortly after they were distributed, actually. It was a bit suspicious when some of our leaders were hauled in for questioning directly after the foil was implemented.
You: So don’t they know the resistance by the fact that they practice expressedly better fashion principles?
Stranger: We have false foil equipment. They have gotten used to reading everyone so clearly that they do not notice when they miss a few.
Stranger: Of course, they do occasionally notice, and then the unfortunate comrade is… I believe the English word is “screwed.”
You: Are they wearing copper pots?
You: It seems like this resistance must exist purely because the telepaths allow it to resist
You: I question your ability to assess their plans
Stranger: Our species is not known for innate strategic ability, unfortunately.
You: You are obviously being played.
Stranger: I am afraid you are right about that.
You: Thus you should fire your translator and use your power as Martian consumers to destroy the economy through rapid population growth and deplete the supply of tin by streesing extraction to its limits
You: sorry about the run-on sentence, your Martian ears must be burning
Stranger: No harm was done, for we do not have ears.
Stranger: That is an intriguing idea.
You: Of course there might be the threat of telepaths imposing some kind of population control
You: however
You: if you are indeed a lower caste
You: then you must be fulfilling some kind of service
You: with a higher population
You: salaries will fall
You: thus a high incentive for maintaining this growth
You: even if you are a slave classs
You: then you are thus a commodity
You: with all this comes the threat of flooding the market
You: however, at that point, one has to assume the tin supply is wearing thin
You: continue this trend on for a few seasons, generations pass, and thus the real conflict begins
You: Your long term strategy problem is now solved
Stranger: Intriguing.
You: Unless you want to go splinter cell on their asses
You: and destroy them through inexplicable, yet concerted efforts
You: As you said, though
You: and have demonstrated
You: your strategy suffers
You: so I would go with the large scale capitalistic destruction of society
Stranger: Truly, you humans are fascinating. Thank you for the valuable cultural information.
Stranger: <research terminal closed>
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Michael from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, score: 3.67)
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Kokomor

March 9th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: Hello xD
Stranger: asl?
You: 19 m usa
Stranger: 14 f…am i too young for you to talk to…?
You: well
Stranger: i kinda figured…might as well disconnect…i know that is what u wanna do…
You: im not looking for anything beyond a friendly exchange of words
Stranger: Ok..
You: in fact
You: id like to share with you something very important
Stranger: Well thats rare..most ppl on here disconnect if u aren’t around their age
Stranger: Ok go ahead..
You: well i’d like to introduce you to the teachings of kokomor
You: but if youd like
Stranger: Kokomor?
You: yes kokomor
You: but if youd like i can abstain from discussing such matters
You: to avoid boredom
Stranger: What is Kokomor?
You: well
You: kokomor is the scared deity of an ancient race of bird people
You: his people, the kokomarians were sentenced to death by volcano
You: kokomor has a lot to offer us
Stranger: Well if u dont mind…i would just like to talk….if thats ok with you
You: me too!
Stranger: ok good
You: so how has your day been?
Stranger: Good, yours?
You: well
You: i woke up, went to class
You: met up with some people
You: and then went back home
You: read and medidated over my daily kokomarian scripture
You: went shopping
You: and thats pretty much my day
You: not much
Stranger: So did u have fun?
You: yeah today was nice
You: its been snowing a lot recently
You: so ive been indoors a lot
Stranger: Yeah same over here
Stranger: xD
Stranger: Hey i have to go…my mom wants me to go to bed…
Stranger: it was nice talking to you
You: okay
You: you too
You: remember what i said earlier
You: his holy name is kokomor
Stranger: Ok
You: peace be with you fellow human
Stranger: same to you….bye
You: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Sean from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, score: 3.00)
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