Omegle Conversations

You: hi

You: f

You: too old for you son

You: nope i can tell by how you type

You: you forget words

You: letters too

You: nope

You: is that a guess?

You: you should use punctuation when asking question

You: nah you’re like 12

You: you don’t seem like it

You: you can’t spell well,

You: you leave out whole words!

You: it’s terrifying

You: i worry about your education system

You: where are you from?

You: canada

You: nope, i’ll tell you when you phrase it properly

You: ohh so close

You: you are really close, you’re missing 2 letters though

You: ohh nice nice

You: i’m proud

You: okay i am wearing a turtle neck and high waisted pants

You: they are all the rage here

You: oh you fucked up again

You: goodbye

You: You wake up alone in a desert. Nearby you seen a wrecked plane. Through the plane’s windshield it is obvious the pilot is dead. To the north you see distant mountains. To the east you see an oasis.

You: You begin to dig in the sand. After several minutes of digging it is apparent you are getting nowhere. The hole fills itself back as fast as you can dig it.

You: You go back to sleep. Several hours pass and you are awakened by a vulture peck at your supple intestines.

You: The vulture’s back is turned. You deftly reach up and snap the neck of the fowl. You tear away its feathers and begin chewing on its raw flesh.

You: Momentarily refreshed by your carnivorous meal you saunter over to the wreckage.

You: You inspect the plane’s fusalage and determine that it is beyond repair. Both wings have sheared off and the propellor is nowhere in sight. Landing gear has broken off but appears salvageable.

You: You begin to inspect the interior of the plane. In the cockpit you see the body of the pilot and in the back, your seat from the flight. Where in the plane would you like to search?

You: You check the storage compartments and discover two parachutes, flares, and a first aid kit. In the cargo bin you see your suitcase.

You: You open your suitcase to discover suntan lotion, several tacky Hawaiian shirts, two pairs of shorts, sandels, a hair dryer, and toiletries.

You: Using the industrial strength hair dryer as a blunt tool, you attach the landing gear to the broken wings of the plane. Using the parachutes you fashion a crude sail with a tacky Hawaiian shirt flag.

You: Pushing aside the pilot’s lifeless body, you disassemble the steering stick from the plane, remove it, and reattach it to your crude vehicle.

You: Would you like to inspect the pilot’s body before leaving?

You: Careful not to desecrate his body, for he was a nice person in life, you check the pockets of the pilot to find a wallet and a pocketknife.

You: Of course.

You: You take the pilot’s aviator sunglasses. Sexy level has increased by 35 points.

You: Donning your fashionable eyewear you smile at your creation. You mount the vehicle and testing the wind, set a course due south away from the mountains.

You: You hear a great crack and your machine falls apart. To the east and south you see open desert. To the west is some sort of building.

You: Very sure of your vision, you grab your lovely piece of luggage and begin walking towards the structure.

You: There is a rattlesnake on the ground. It winks at you.

You: You become infatuated with the serpant. The feeling is mutual. The snake slithers up to you and happily lets you put it on your shoulders.

You: What would you like to do with your new pet?

You: Lucky for you, you speak parsletongue. You kindly ask your new found friend to investigate the building while you remain and wait. What would you like to do to pass the time?

You: You take the pilot’s wallet out of your pocket and look at its contents. Inside you find his driver’s license, pilot’s license, a Visa credit card, a AAA membership card, insurance card, $74 cash, a guitar pick, and a picture of a beautiful woman you assume to be his wife.

You: As the sun begins you set, you see your snake returning.

You: You push your sunglasses onto the top of your head, and bend down to hear the report your snake gives. Since the snake can obviously read English, as all snakes can, it tells you you are near a top secret research facility in Death Valley, California.

You: Inquiring on how inhabited the facility is, the snake informs you that it saw roughly 10 men and women in white lab coats, several dressed in black suits, and one woman in a distinctive red suit with a professional looking skirt.

You: You thank your reptilian friend and place the loyal animal back on your shoulders. You take a few deep breathes and dramatically look to the building as the sun sets behind it.

You: You look to the building but it is too far away to determine entrance points.

You: You see several sand dunes between your current position and the building. You stealthily transverse from one to another until you are close enough to properly examine the structure

You: You inspect the front of the building. The front entrance is guarded by two security officers. There is a side window open and a ladder to the roof.

You: You sneak around the dunes careful to avoid the gazes of the rather bored looking security officers. You reach the side window and peek inside. You see a very advanced looking laboratory with lots of test tubes and flashing lights.

You: There are scientists in the room.

You: It looks like there’s nothing really interesting for you to meddle in.

You: Suddenly an alarm goes off. The scientists freeze and then begin running around in what looks like organized chaos. What do you do?

You: You climb the ladder with no fear of being heard over the din of the alarm. You lay down prone on the roof of the building.

You: You crawl yourself to look over the edge of the roof. One of the security guards has gone inside while the other remains outside. It appears they are not aware of your presence and the alarm is unrelated to you.

You: The alarm is beginning to agitate your snake. It is apparent you should do something before it gets too upset.

You: You walk over to the ladder but see the second guard did not go inside but rather is within sight of the ladder.

You: The guard is not aware of your presence but will certainly see you if you try to go down the ladder.

You: In a stroke of genius you pull open open your suitcase and remove one of the plane flares. You ignite it and throw it in a high distance arch away from the building.

You: The guard sees the flare and travels off towards where it landed. You guess you only have a few minutes before he returns.

You: You observe a drainage pipe down the other side of the buliding. It seems to be strong enough to hold your weight. You climb down it and, wishing you were Solid Snake, you sneak behind the remaining guard and put him in a sleeper hold. Soon he is unconscious.

You: You drag the guard to the backside of the building and return to the entrance. You plant a smooch on the head of the snake and throw it inside. The alarm causes the snake to go into a frenzy.

You: You hide out of sight and soon a stampede of frightened scientists run out of the laboratory

You: You a hear a gunshot.

You: Fearing the worst for your beloved pet, you throw caution to the wind and run inside.

You: You see a team of terrified agents cowering in a corner unarmed and defenseless. Across from them you see your snake clutching a smoking Magnum in its tail with an whole assortment of other weapons surrounding it. The snake gives you another wink.

You: You do all of the above.

You: Before anyone can answer, a door opens. It is the woman in the red skirt suit.

You: Your snake neglected to mention how stunningly beautiful she is.

You: You are stunned by her ravishing beauty and the gun slips from your sweating hands. She smiles. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

You: If only there was a way for you to dazzle her with your own sexiness.

You: Thinking fast you tear off your shirt revealing your rippling pecs and abs (who knew?), and begin applying gratuitous amounts of suntan lotion to your body.

You: You seem to be weakening her.

You: No dice. She is weakened but not beaten. You try to think of another way… off the top of your head…

You: You run at her and she shoots you in the arm. She’s not stupid.

You: Would you like to continue from here or move back one?

You: With a searing pain in your right arm your momentum continues towards her and you tackle her.

You: She slaps you across the face causing your sunglasses to fall over your eyes. She raising the gun to you again but sees your sexy aviators and swoons.

You: With no resistance you disarm her.

You: You jump up and raise the gun towards her with a triumpaht “ha!” However you must hold it in your left hand due to your right arm being in so much pain and bleeding.

You: What do you question her about?

You: Reluctantly she informs you that this building is a research facility studying fringe science secretly funded by the U.S. government out of the public eye. If the U.S. tax payers new they were spending funds to study topics such as teleportation, reanimation, and extra-sensory perception, the lashback would be catostrophic.

You: You frown wishing the facility was more exciting. You extend a hand and help up the beautiful agent in teh red skirt suit. She informs you her name is Director Jessica Sanders.

You: You remain hesitant to divulge your true identity. You tell her your name is Rick Danger. She does not believe you until you pull out the official pilot’s license confirming ‘your’ identity.

You: You lightly pull down your aviators. Looking over them you ask her what she’s doing after she’s done for the day. You wink and she stammers “I…uh… uhm….”

You: Finally she fans herself and manages to tell you she is free tonight.

You: Your snake does not have a name. Would you like to name it before the introduction?

You: You summon your snake and ask it if has a name. It whispers that it is called HHSsshshhhss by its family, which translates to Baron von McDoogenhoffer.

You: You extend your hand to Jessica and introduce the Baron. The camera zooms out through the skyroof and fades to black as it pans across a clear desert night.

You: Your Score is 97/100.

You: Thank you for playing.

You: You wish to continue. You insert 50 cents. I’m not entirely sure where you insert it, but whereever you insert it appears to work. The camera fades back in to a Napa Valley villa. The Baron is sunning himself on the viranda.

You: Your mother calls.

You: You must depart.

You: Your Score is -23/100

You: Game Over.

You: It’s ok, you still have an awesome pet snake.

You: You never asked about Jessica Sanders.

You: You hear a sigh behind you. Jessica gives you a sly smile and with a single finger motions you back to the bedroom.

You: Your Score is 110/100.

You: You win!

You: Thank you for playing.

You: Heey

You: Thanks man! :D

You: Both

You: I’m Lady Gaga

You: Hard to tell, in some pics I clearly have a sausage down my trousers

You: Hi, honey. I’m home!

You: What?

You: Sweetheart, what’s wrong?

You: what are you talking about?

You: I didn’t kill anyone.

You: Honey, look into my eyes.

You: Do you really think I could be a killer?

You: Betty!

You: Damn.

You: I-

You: She’s…

You: Hello

You: There it is again.

You: asl

You: Ok?

You: So let me get this straight.

You: You are logging on to a chat service that is designed to be completely anoymous, to find girls your age and near your location.

You: Am I the only one seeing the flaw in that plan?

You: There are other chat services though.

You: There are chat services designed for that too.

You: In fact, I don’t know where you live, but I would be willing to bet that there are chat rooms designed for cyber sex for people in your very region.

You: ignornance is nothing to be ashamed of, what is shameful is not wanting to change.

You: Hi, nick

You: I wasn’t making any assumptions.

You: As a matter of fact, I was trying to point you in the right direction of what it is you seem to be actually seeking

You: Do you really want to know my name

You: I would also wager that you do not.

You: Oh, btw, what is your asl?

You: 32/m/Ky

You: Nice to meet you too.

You: Nick. I just discovered this website today, but I will offer some advice.

You: I don’t know what your success rate is on finding a girl on this site, but when you are “in the mood” there are litterally thousands of places designed just for that

You: In fact, there was a time when I would frequent some of them and most of the time you could talk the girl into talking to you on the phone.

You: Well. I am a few years out of the game, but Yahoo still runs adult chat rooms. I bet literotica does as well.

You: AIM has adult chat rooms too

You: From one guy to another, if you are actually interested in finding a girl that wants to get all hot with you and not, you know, just be a guy pretending to be a girl (it happens), then a chat room designed for sex, will probably have more women actually interested in, you know, sex.

You: Do you get a high ratio here?

You: depends on?

You: That is my point about trying to use those sites

You: A girl that actually goes to a sex website is going to be interested in sex. At least in some form

You: Which increases your odds of getting them to talk on the phone.

You: Well, I hope I haven’t cock blocked you too much

You: You too.

You: And good luck.

You: Hi Stacey, I’m home.

You: Now, now, Mr. Kaplan, I know who you really are.

You: You can drop the act.

You: Now are you going to hand over the microfilm like a reasonalble man, or will I have to get nasty?

You: Purity control.

You: Well, if you know what’s on it, I could extract it from your head.

You: But that would be a…. painful …. process

You: Done.

You: do you like pie hannah??

You: whats you favourite colour?

You: whats your theory on evolution?

You: what age are you?

You: what country you from?

You: and you dont know what evoloution is? are you serious? are you stupid?

You: ok, let me say it in simpler terms:

You: how do you think the big wide world was made?

You: do you go to school?

You: im in college

You: ireland

You: and we learned how the world was made when we were ten

You: if not younger

You: that, and other theries

You: cya

You: what planet are you from?

You: er Zygon

You: im not sure, could be its a pretty big Galaxy

You: Well Zygon is a fairly new planet, i only arrived on it a few years ago, and the waterways have been havoc ever since!

You: the atmosphere was brought over from another planet, it took 2 yrs to get it just right and ready for people to live on it, that was about 5 yrs ago now, and they are still ironing out the problems!

You: This technology is light years ahead of its time, no one except the people who created it know anything about how it really works, that is all we were told when we arrived.

You: Our atmosphere has a much higher oxygen level than other planets, it would be deadly to other species but we survive thanks to specially adapted lungs, it has taken many generations to hone the design of our lungs but now we can live where others cannot.

You: well theres helium but we cannot breathe that. What is Tellus like?

You: Hmm sounds like a nice place to live, i like water – like i said on Zygon the waterways are chaos at the moment, they are being fixed but it takes a long time

You: Our waterways run throughout our lands, without it we would crumble and die, it provides us with the moisture our bodies need to survive, our food has poor nutrition and animals cannot survive in our environment so we cannot eat meat, the water gives us vegetation which keeps us nourished

You: It is not that hot, it is hotter than earth was but it is cool enough that our water does not evaporate.

You: We were taught about a lot of planets before we came to Zygon, earth is one of the many that we were given information about to help us on our new planet, they are similar but as i said the Oxygen level is much higher.

You: Over 1 million, but i do not see many of them, i only see those i come in contact with on a daily basis. We have ochtas, which are medium sized populations within which we go about our daily lives, people in an ochta do not have contact with people from other ochtas unless there is an emergency which threatens our way of life.

You: He has been to our planet once but i did not see him, i have heard stories of him though.

You: Okay, it was nice talking to you, Bye!

You: desperate guy?

You: girl?

You: cyber?

You: it’s cool. we dont need a camera

You: wait, i’ll start it off. :)

You: I’m taking a walk in the park on a lonely summers day when I see a bird caught in the rest area.

You: I capture it and gently carry it outside and I let it fly out of my hands and be free.

You: I watch it as it glides through the air swiftly. Unexpectedly it lands on a bench where you are reading a book.

You: Your beauty is beyond anyone I have ever seen.

You: I have to talk to you. Only destiny could have landed that bird next to you.

You: I walk over to you.

You: Hi

You: snaps finger…..

You: hello?

You: I’m not that bad looking.:( Am I?

You: You aren’t even looking at me.

You: Sniffle……

You: I just want to find someone to love!!!!!!!

You: I start to have a seizure!

You: The pain is unbearable…

You: Help me!!!!

You: I grab at your leg, trying to get your attention.

You: A man is coming over.

You: He takes my wallet.

You: He then proceeds to pull out his bowie knife.

You: Please! God! No!

You: He rips open my shirt.

You: Someone! Help!

You: The man starts to slowly cut off my nipple.

You: AHHHHHH!!!!!

You: Help!!!!

You: He cuts it off finally…and stuffs it in my mouth.

You: He walks away like nothing happened.

You: Please, Who ever you are! Help me!

You: Don’t leave me hear to die!

You: I am bleeding out mumbling a few last words as you are enveloped in your book.

You: Finally, my last breath…….bitch…….

You: That’s what I get for trying to fall in love….