In Catless Peace
November 22nd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
You: doodle on the paper for a bit.
Stranger: You have no pen.
You: i always have a sharpie.
Stranger: You pull your trusty Sharpie out of your pocket and doodle some rabbits on the paper.
Stranger: The original writing is now obscured by fluffy tails.
You: cool. now i think i’ll take a nap.
Stranger: You lie down on the carpet and close your eyes.
You: *snooze*
Stranger: Time passes.
Stranger: Soon, you wake up, feeling well-rested, but sore.
You: i have to pee. is there a bathroom or a chamber pot or something around?
Stranger: You look around, but find nothing.
You: sigh. i guess i’ll go out the north exit in search of a toilet.
Stranger: You walk through north exit. Inside, you find a fridge with a toaster duct-taped to the side.
You: sweet! does it make toast?
Stranger: The toaster appears to work.
You: awesome. then i’ll play with it by shooting the toast across the room.
Stranger: You lack bread. However, to amuse yourself, you press the lever and listen as it springs up.
You: why do i always lack bread? dammit, i knew i should’ve got some when i was at the store.
Stranger: Well, when we knocked you out and brought you here, we took away all bread you had.
You: you bastards.
You: is there any food in the fridge?
Stranger: Inside the fridge, you find some bread, a stick of butter, and a frozen leprechaun.
You: SO I DON’T LACK BREAD AFTER ALL.
Stranger: Well, now you don
You: i’ll make a leprechaun sandwich on toast.
Stranger: ‘t.
Stranger: You toast the bread and place the leprechaun in between the slices.
Stranger: Leprechaun sandwich had been added to INVENTORY.
You: sweet. are there any other doors besides the one i came in?
You: or is this just a room with a mutant kitchen appliance and nothing else?
Stranger: Exits are south.
You: oh. south door then.
Stranger: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper with doodles on it.
You: south door again~!
Stranger: You head through the south exit, and inside you see that it is a small room, occupied only by a ninja.
You: hi ninja! can i hug you?
Stranger: The ninja glares at you, but doesn’t move.
You: no need to be so antisocial.
Stranger: The ninja glares at you again, but doesn’t move.
You: want a sandwich?
Stranger: You offer the ninja your Leprechaun Sandwich. He readies his sword.
You: wait! has the leprechaun thawed out? maybe he can help me defeat the ninja of ultimate doom!
Stranger: The leprechaun has thawed sufficiently and now sleeps in its bread bed.
You: i’ll wake him up and explain the situation
Stranger: The leprechaun jumps up and kicks the ninja’s ass. You now notice a door that the ninja once stood upon.
You: now that i’m out of japan-inflicted danger, my bladder is still threatening to rupture. i’ll go down the door and resume my hunt for a toilet
Stranger: You enter the door. On the other side, you see a toilet. Unfortunately, between you and the toilet is a very angry cat.
You: i read somewhere that you can calm angry animals with music. i carefully choose a soft ballad to sing to the cat.
Stranger: The cat hisses at your horrible singing.
You: i am offended.
Stranger: The cat is going to kill you.
Stranger: The cat raises its giant paw…
You: i bark like a dog. god, i feel like an idiot right now.
Stranger: The cat freaks out even more and bats you against the wall.
Stranger: You feel dazed, but can at least stand.
You: how big is this damn cat?
Stranger: A small house.
You: can i run back to the fridge room and grab that toaster real quick? oh, or the butter!
Stranger: You run back through the rooms and acquire butter. The toaster is stuck in its place though.
You: well then i guess i’ll lure the cat into the ninja room with the butter and then shut it in and urinate in catless peace.
You: i hope.
Stranger: You poke your head through the trap door and find that the cat is too big to fit through the door.
You: well then how did it get down there? was it a kitten and it just grew up in a dungeon bathroom?
Stranger: That, you will never know…
Stranger: Err…
Because I don’t.
Because I don’t.
You: i laugh in your general direction. then i go back to the original room and try to read that piece of paper i scribbled all over. maybe ignoring the cat will make it go away.
Stranger: You try to read the original writing, but all you can see are the rabbits you drew.
You: huh. these rabbits look hungry. where’s that sharpie, i wanna draw them some carrots…
Stranger: You take out your sharpie and draw some carrots. The rabbits look happy.
You: cool. now i’ll take the paper and feed it to the cat. cats like to eat rabbits, right?
Stranger: The cat shreds your piece of paper and then hisses menacingly at you.
You: awwh, my rabbits. as a last-ditch effort i’ll throw the glob of butter at the cat.
Stranger: The butter sloshes all over the cat. You’ve really pissed it off now.
You: aw, hell. i’ll just pee on it, might as well.
Stranger: You pee on the cat, finally relieving yourself. The cat now, covered in various yellow liquids, becomes enrages and claws at you.
Stranger: You have died, but not before achieving your final goal.
You: can you play hammertime at my funeral? just to piss everyone off?
Stranger: As they lower your casket into the ground, everyone hears, “STOP! Hammertime!” The casket carriers stop lowering for a second, then drop your casket the rest of the way.
You: ouch, my dignity. …heh heh.
Stranger: Restart?
You: nah i really need to get to bed. XD awesome game.
Stranger: Thanks for playing. Most people go one room and quit.
You: lol
Stranger: Would you like to know what was written on the paper?
You: sure
Stranger: “On it are instructions on how to kill a cat with a piece of buttered toast, as well as the statement, ‘Leprechauns>ninjas.’”
You: fucking cat. XD
Stranger: And you still had the toast with you from the sandwich.
You: bah.
You: i’ll forever be remembered as that dumb bitch who peed on a cat and then was killed by it.
Stranger: Oh please.
Stranger: Others have done worse.
Stranger: Much worse…
You: such as? *curious*
Stranger: Hold on, I’ve got some saved…
Stranger: Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
Stranger: HI
You: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
Stranger: SHIT MY PANTS
You: You laid one in your pants. Now the room is smelly.
Stranger: I CRY
You: You sit in the middle of the room and cry about your inability to play text-based games. It does no good.
Stranger: /QUIT
Stranger: /NEW GAME
You: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
Stranger: BREAK OFF THE LEG OF THE TABLE AND STAB MYSELF WITH IT
You: You violently rip off the leg off the table and pound it into your chest. Blood spurts out, and you begin to lose consciousness.
Stranger: SHIT MY PANTS
You: Amidst the warm blood, you feel warm shit in your pants.
Stranger: TOO TIRED TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE “FUNNY” TO SAY
Stranger: /QUIT
You: You exit the conversation.
You have disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
Stranger: HI
You: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
Stranger: SHIT MY PANTS
You: You laid one in your pants. Now the room is smelly.
Stranger: I CRY
You: You sit in the middle of the room and cry about your inability to play text-based games. It does no good.
Stranger: /QUIT
Stranger: /NEW GAME
You: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
Stranger: BREAK OFF THE LEG OF THE TABLE AND STAB MYSELF WITH IT
You: You violently rip off the leg off the table and pound it into your chest. Blood spurts out, and you begin to lose consciousness.
Stranger: SHIT MY PANTS
You: Amidst the warm blood, you feel warm shit in your pants.
Stranger: TOO TIRED TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE “FUNNY” TO SAY
Stranger: /QUIT
You: You exit the conversation.
You have disconnected.
You: hahahaha oh god
Stranger: Only one person has ever won.
Stranger: Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
You: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
Stranger: fuck it
You: You violently hump the table, but it derives no pleasure from it.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
You: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?
Stranger: fuck it
You: You violently hump the table, but it derives no pleasure from it.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: That was not the winner.
You: XDDD
Stranger: All right, I should probably let you get to bed. It must be midnight or later, right?
You: uh yeah. two am. XD
You: thanks for an awesome game :D
Stranger: East coast…
Stranger: No prob!
Stranger: Thanks again for playing.
You have disconnected.
Submitted by Kathrynn from USA
(281 votes, score: 4.80)
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The conversation with the guy who was not the winner is even funnier XD
The solution is obviously: Attach buttered toast to cat, buttered side out, while the cat is in midair, thus suspending it indefinitely. Buttered cat paradox, bitches!
I want to play with this stanger.
I have two problems with this. One, how would you attach the toast to the cat? And two, how would you get the cat in the air?
I would attach the toast to the cat with yarn, or steel wire, or w/e you’ve got. Then pick the cat up and place it orbit/rotation, etc. The cat should be suspended indefinitely if you attached it right. Thats how the floating globes work at the mall.
That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard.
Smasher is the most stupid thing I have ever heard.
The conversation was brilliant though.
i wanna play. how do i go about doing this
Hahah, this reminds me of my mud-playing times.
Oh i had the same conversation today. It was so awesome (but i did a little bit better ^^). but i think i was too serious (i do a lot of pen&paper) and he left *sad*
I would tear the paper into pieces, exit through the south door (hoping that it is warmer in that direction) and drop little pieces of paper as a trail to find me in case anyone needs to find me.
It’s so cute!
this is amazing! :D
You guys aren’t going to believe this… but that guy is my boyfriend. He’s shown me all his saved convos of these.
I would have went into the room with the lepricaun and ate him then kicked the ass of the ninja with my stolen irish skills then beaten the cat to death with the ninja corpse
TL;DR
hola
I pissed my pants laughing at this.