Duel of Words
March 18th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: greetings!
Stranger: Salutations!
You: Ah, dear friend, I’ve been waiting for you.
Stranger: I got here as fast as I could.
You: Well, it was just in time.
You: I was about to hang myself from the lack of verbal stimulation.
Stranger: My skills are unmatched by all those I’ve encountered.
You: Are you proposing a duel of words, Stranger?
Stranger: If you accept my challenge, I will gladly put forth my most nimble words.
You: I accept your challenge, if it only fair. I do like a good competition in the evenings.
Stranger: Nothing to start the day like a friendly competition.
You: So friend, what tales have you had on this great Omegle quest? Slain any horny dragons, fine Sir?
Stranger: My sword has been challenged many times, however I had to flee the battle since I have no sword.
You: Ah, no sword! You are one brave soldier to face the mighty nightingmale.
You: Dare I say it, are you under male concealment?
Stranger: Indeed I am. I have a sword loyally defending my castle.
You: How did you manage that, Stranger? I have been fighting off these low life scum for days by my whole self.
You: I need a partner on this quest.
You: Will you join me?
Stranger: I sense danger and excitement. I will join you, Stranger, on this noble quest.
You: Hark! We shall embark on this mighty quest together.
You: But first, fine nobleman, I need to know about your upbringings.
You: What is the name of your homeland?
Stranger: I hail from the great white north. Canada.
You: Ah, jolly well. I need a being to make me face the cold.
You: Alas, I cannot face the cold face of Mother Nature by myself.
Stranger: Mother Nature is soothing herself in the steamy spring.
Stranger: The time of slightly warm is upon us.
You: That sounds quite scandalous, noble Stranger. I dareth hope the nightingmales do not catch wind of this event.
Stranger: As do I. In the more frigid times the nightingmales do flee the cold, riding on the wind to the south. If the bosom of nature will warm their lecherous heart in their homeland they will surely settle.
You: Indeed. You are profoundly knowledgeable of the nightingmales’ habits. You shall be of good use to me.
You: By chance, did you cohabitate with the nightingmales to learn of their behavior patterns?
You: I’ve heard the nightingmales carry a vicious disease.
Stranger: Ah, the dreaded ‘cooties’. Fortunately, the man of my house, my noble father has outgrown that horrendous infection.
You: That is always splendid to hear. You escaped the dreaded Cootie.
You: Oh look, I see a lad approaching on the horizon. I shall ride off to meet him on my leopard.
You: “Hark, fellow! How have the day’s events been?”
Stranger: Hopefully he is not intimidated by your courageous steed.
You: Oh, Stranger, tis exactly why I ride a cat and not an ass.
You: He tells me he is from afar.
Stranger: Ah, but if the traveller is intimidated by such a powerful beast he will ruffle his plummage and you will be left with an ass after all.
You: Oh, you know, I do feel rather funny…
You: Is the Cootie an airbourne disease?
You: I might be coming dwn w/ it…
You: oh mo fo
You: i do have it
You: this is discraseeful
You: you help me homie
You: i need cure from da cootie
You: help mo fo, help.
Stranger: You have been infected, noble stanger. Your speech suffers. The only cure for the Cootie would be to smack the giver and the receicer repeatedly over the head with a thesuarus.
You: i musta 8 somethin
You: this must hrt
You: smack my ass bitch
You: oh no
You: now my languageeee has gne to peicies
You: hurry
Stranger: A mighty book of word is needed. But I fear you have fallen too far into the grip of the disease to be saved. Farwell, noble stranger, you shall be remembered well and eloquent.
You: oh nooo
You: noooooooo
You: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
You: (curtain pulls)
You: (applause)
You: el fin
You have disconnected.
Submitted by Emma from USA
(111 votes, score: 4.59)
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Huzzah!
MY NAME IS BOB DOLE HI IM CARL AND I LIKE CHOCLATE DOG POO WITH SPRINKLES ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awesomeness
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That was quite sad. That noble unknown will be forever remembered in the grips of vocabulary exellence.
The “Cooties” was one of the deadliest pandemics in human history, peaking in North America between 1980 and 2010. It is widely thought to have been an outbreak of colloquial mishaps caused by the bacterium Thugus Spermatozoon, but this view has recently been challenged. Usually thought to have started in inter city slums, it had reached the internet by 1994. From there, probably carried by “H4X0RZ” donned in black hats that were regular passengers on merchant ships, it spread throughout the Western Hemisphere.
The “Cooties” is estimated to have killed 30% to 60% of the world’s known languages, reducing the world’s language population from an estimated 450 million to between 350 and 375 million in 2006. This has been seen as creating a series of religious, social and economic upheavals which had profound effects on the course of recent history.