Omegle Conversations

You: I’m feeling slighly peckish

You: how about you?

You: ever so slightly hungry.

You: dear me, do you never eat?

You: I’m glad.

You: That you’re RUBBING IT MY FACE

You: I TOLD YOU IWAS HUNGRY

You: HOW DARE YOU?

You: you’re mimicking me now? the ends to which you can descend surprise me.

You: I feel so violated.

You: Ooh, kinky shit.

You: How low can you go?

You: well… rumour has it, that if you go low enough…

You: Mr. Luda will appear

You: can you handle that?

You: I’m telling you, you don’t wanna know

You: Ever met an angry chastitty belt?

You: Well, that’s one life experience you wanna avoid

You: cos it’s hard living with it.

You: Anytime

You: Do you wanna hear about my bunions?

You: That….that was a lie

You: I was expecting you to say no.

You: DAMN YOU

You: AGAIN

You: DON’T LIE, YOU’RE NOT SORRY!

You: YOU’RE JUST SAYING IT TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD!

You: LIAR

You: LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

You: okay

You: I submit

You: YOU CRYBABY

You: STEP DOWN MOFO

You: BEFORE I LET LOOSE MY FRIENDS

You: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING

You: thanks, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to use it.

You: but you’ll hurt me

You: I can tell.

You: you’re not very giving though. I didn’t see you offer me some food when I told you I was hungry.

You: I don’t think I can take that kind of human indecency

You: and selfishness

You: You know what?

You: you remind of a certain famous person.

You: What was his name……

You: He had this stache.

You: Hmmm

You: Oh yeah

You: HITLER

You: YOU NAZI

You: At least hitler fed those poor imprisoned Jews

You: You…. you’re much worse.

You: I know, but they never starved…. to death.

You: Not really, because you can’t deny what I just stated were facts.

You: YOU CAN’T DENY THE HOLOCAUST YOU NAZI

You: okay, I’ll submit for real this time.

You: Only after you shave that stache off.

You: Face mask?…..

You: You’re some weird kid.

You: I don’t think I can continue conversation anymore, if all we’re talking about is face masks.

You: AND HOW COULD YOU BRING UP HITLER LIKE THAT?

You: YOU INCONSIDERATE NINCOMPOOP

You: I’M JEWISH

You: AND YOU NEVER FED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

You: Ahoy there, fancy pants.

You: Arr, I be omeggling.

You: Well I were sailin’ upon the waters o’ google

You: And I came upon this ‘ere place

You: And what brings ye to this desolate land?

You: Yarrr, they be mutinous shipmates that send ye to such a terrible land

You: Aye, of them thar be many

You: Though tales, thar be, tales o’ treasure o’ the rarest sort

You: Indeed, I meself be here on account of seeking such treasure

You: But alas, I’m yet to uncover that which I seek

You: Arr, it be known by a mysterious name

You: It be called, “intelligent conversation with people who aren’t trying to get off”

You: Though perhaps, I might be adding, I have a feeling I’m closer to finding said treasure than I have been yet

You: By the Powers! That be news indeed.

You: Arr, those parrots be bloody loudmouths sometimes, be they not

You: Be it true that the treasure is cursed? That once found, it will always become lost again, never to be found e’er again?

You: Aye, I’ve heard tell of such things

You: They be much like semaphore, only wit’out the flags, be they not?

You: Well, I be settin’ sail now matey

You: Watch out for them scurvy dogs as roam this here place.

You: You awake to find yourself lying on the ground. You can’t seem to remember how you got there. As you struggle to pull yourself to your feet, vague memories of a falling rock come to mind. Gingerly, you touch the back of your head. The congealed blood on your hand confirms the memory.

You: Looking around, you notice that you are on the edge of a steep cliff. To the south, the road is blocked by a pile of boulders. To the west, an unclimbable cliff rises up above you. To the east, the ground drops sharply away to reveal a tree-lined valley, miles below. The road to the north is clear. What will you do?

You: You stagger northward. After some time, the road widens out. Examining the cliff wall to the west, you notice what appears to be a cave.

You: You approach the cave and cautiously step inside. It is too dark to see. You can hear an odd noise.

You: Blindly, you stumble through the darkness in the direction of the strange sound. Your feet bump into something warm and soft. It seems to be moving slightly.

You: You foolishly plant a foot on the soft, warm thing. The odd, gurlgling noise suddenly turns into a loud, horrible growl. Too late, you realise you have woken a hibernating bear. It is now a very awake, very hungry, very angry bear.

You: The growling is getting louder. It is becoming a snarl.

You: You valiantly attempt to disable the bear with a sharp kick to the private parts. Inconveniently, however, as it is still too dark to see, you succeed only in kicking it’s stomach. It is now even more angry, but in no way disabled.

You: You quickly fling another foot at what you can only hope is the bear’s shin, and then run like hell for the exit. From the howl that eminates behind you, it sounds like you might have got it right this time.

You: You make it back to the cliff path, but there are some disturbing noises coming from the direction of the cave. It might not be wise to hang around here.

You: You head south, back to where you came from.

You: You are on the edge of a steep cliff. To the south, the road is blocked by a pile of boulders. To the west, an unclimbable cliff rises up above you. To the east, the ground drops sharply away to reveal a tree-lined valley, miles below. The road to the north is blocked by the looming sillouhette of a very, very angry bear.

You: You are standing on tiptoe at the edge of the cliff. You can feel the warm up-draft from the valley below on the back of your legs. A very, very angry bear is here. It is glaring at you. It seems to be foaming at the mouth.

You: Slowly, the bear approaches.

You: The bear is furious, but it has not forgotten it’s experiences in the cave. It does it’s best to knock you down while simultaneously maintaining it’s distance. The result is a feeble swipe which you easily side-step.

You: ou are on the edge of a steep cliff. To the south, the road is blocked by a pile of boulders. To the west, an unclimbable cliff rises up above you. To the east, there is a furious bear. The road to the north is clear.

You: Caught by surprise, the bear watches in horror as you foot lands in a very sensitive area of it’s anatomy. You feel a tremendous sensation of relief as it slips backwards over the cliff. That is, you feel relieved until you realise the bear has managed to get a firm grip on your leg.

You: You are falling though the air, A furious, terrified bear is clinging to your leg.

You: You are carrying a large blanket, a can of deodorant, a small penguin and some peanuts.

You: You whip out the can of deodorant and blast the bear in the face. It achieves little other than to further irritate the already irate bear.

You: You are falling though the air, A furious, terrified, musk-scented bear is clinging to your leg.

You: The blanket catches the breeze and slows your descent. You struggle, in vain, to dislodge the furious, terrified, musk-scented bear from your leg. Suddenly, a gust of wind catches your makeshift parachute and blows you towards a branch that is jutting out conveniently from the nearby cliff. You find yourself hanging by the leg from the branch. It occurs to you that if the bear lets go of it’s grip on your leg, you will fall. From the expression on the bear’s face, you suspect it has reached the same conclusion.

You: You twist the blanket into a thick rope, and then twist the rope into a neat lassoo. You spin the lassoo and, as luck would have it, manage to snare the bear around the neck. This is fortunate because the bear suddenly loses it’s grip on your foot. It manages to grab the branch in its other paw, though. You are now swinging from a lassoo which is attached to a bear which is haning from a small bracnch that juts out from the cliff. With a sinking feeling, you hear the wood in the branch start to creak under the weight of the bear and you.

You: You decide to ignore all conventional wisdom – you look down. You discover that conventional wisdom is not all it’s cracked to be, because ignoring it has enabled you to discover that the ground is, in fact, only about two metres down. The bear, meanwhile, is yet to realise this.

You: You take a deep breath, and then release your grip on the lassoo. With a thump, you land on the ground below. You do not appear to have broken anything. To the east, you notice a phone booth.

You: You dash towards the phone booth. Hearing the groans of the tired, musk-scented bear in the distance behind you, you decide to enter the phone booth, Looking around, you see a grimy telephone with a change return slot.

You: With trepidation, knowing that there could be just about ANYTHING inside, you slide your fingers into the change return slot. You are relieved to discover that it contains one dollar. You are less relieved to see the tired, musk-scented bear approaching from the direction of the cliff.

You: You toss the penguin out of the booth, towards the bear. It is a special, trained penguin. It starts dancing. While the bear gazes in astonishment at this absurd distraction, you swiftly dial the emergency services. They inform you that a helicopter is on its way.

You: Tired, the penguin stops dancing. The tired, musk-scented bear’s attention returns to you.

You: With great delight, the penguin nibbles on the peanuts. Refreshed, it begins dancing again. The tired, overwhelmed, musk-scented bear looks from the penguin, to your rapidly retreating figure, to it’s collection of assorted bruises and injuries, and back to the penguin. It has had a very long day. Resignedly, it lies down to enjoy the penguin’s entertainment.

You: It’s not long before you hear the whirring of the approaching helicopter. It whisks you away to safety. The bear and the penguin become quite good friends, and to this day enjoy reminiscing about the day they met.

You: Congratulations, you have finished the game. You scored 100 out of a possible 100.

You: :) Thanks for playing

You: Best convo ever! :D

You: Goodbye

You: hi

You: the crow sings at midnight

You: kevin

You: uh,…

You: mabye.

You: yes…

You: aus as in austria or australia?

You: i see

You: it is all clear now

You: oh, here and there

You: and everywhere

You: and no-where

You: o.O

You: is that really the important question here?

You: how about ‘how may i help you’? or ‘are your socks on fire’?

You: is anyone alright in the head?

You: my head feels perfectly fine

You: except for this one twitch that causes me to lose my temper…

You: grab ya fuck off?

You: i have never heard such a question before

You: you, my dear, should learn to spell

You: it may come in handy one day

You: not as long as it took you to think that reply

You: i didn’t need to wind my brain up before thinking

You: but the question is, do YOU?

You: does anyone?

You: nothing at all

You: i am simply engaging in polite conversation

You: i might try that one day

You: i mean, after talking to you for a considerable amount of time i couldn’t see how anyone wouldn’t want to

You: hurry up, i’m aging here

You: oh really?

You: how presumptuous of you

You: ah, good one!

You: i love that joke

You: are you having a fit?

You: should i call an ambulance?!

You: :)

You: die in a hole?

You: but i don’t like holes

You: they’re all holey

You: i’d prefer not to

You: any other suggestions?

You: really, how long does it take you to type a sentence?

You: do you only have one finger?

You: so then why are you on here all day then all day?

You: and i have enough brain cells to figure out a proper sentence and not repeat myself

You: i am a doctor

You: ooh, yes please

You: what, no witty reply?

You: yes i do have too muck time on my hands

You: well learn to spell properly and i wouldn’t have to resort to that

You: by jove, i think there’s some life in her head after all!

You: you used the wrong ‘to’

You: do you have friends?

You: Welcome.

You: To change language, please press 1.

You: To navigate to the main menu, please press 2.

You: To connect with a member of our customer service support, please press 3.

You: Welcome to the main menu.

You: For a guide to trolling, please press 1.

You: For another guide to trolling, please press 2.

You: For another guide to trolling, please press 4.

You: To go back to number 3, please press 5.

You: I’m sorry. There is no number 3.

You: Please pick a number from 1 to 1.

You: Welcome to the guide to trolling.

You: You will now connect with a member of our community

You: Please feel free to ask any questions

You: ….

You: …

You: ..

You: .

You: ..

You: …

You: ….

You: YO ‘SUP NIGGA

You: NO

You: Lmao

You: 3. 2. 1. LIFTOFF. Ground control this is Captain Boner, reaching altitude of 2400 Kilometers. Safe to reach atmosphere at 100 nautical miles.

You: Sir, please buckle your safety belt.

You: Thrusters activate.

You: Press the red button, if you will, sir.

You: Shield activated.

You: Now take the wheel, I have a major deuce I need to release.

You: I will be 5 minutes.

You: *5 minutes later*

You: Smooth flying, sir.

You: You are quite the aviator.

You: Alright, press the green button followed by the orange button and we shall begin descent upon Saturn.

You: Wheels deployed.

You: Landing…..

You: A little bumpy, but safe nonetheless.

You: Now, let’s collect some dust.

You: Here is your jar.

You: Don’t flirt with the Saturn women.

You: They are cunning.

You: You are here for one thing, dust.

You: Collect it.

You: *1 hour later*

You: Do you see the McDonalds over on the other side?

You: Let us go eat.

You: What would you like?

You: Alright.

You: *Two Big Mac’s please*

You: *Food arrives*

You: Sit down at this booth, ESPN is on.

You: Oh dear, a Saturn woman has walked in. Do NOT talk to her.

You: Good, she walked past us.

You: *after meal*

You: Would you like to drive home?

You: Yes.

You: I will set the flight path

You: All you have to do is steer

You: Can you handle it?

You: Alright.

You: Engine active, shield active, thrusters warming up.

You: Gas full.

You: Alright, press the blue button and we’re ready to go.

You: No, it’s ok.

You: We have a shield.

You: Alright, steer us gently now.

You: Follow the flight path on the GPS

You: We will need to orbit around Earth a few times to approximate location.

You: Because it’s fun.

You: Now then, entering Earth’s orbit

You: Press the Brown button if you would

You: Alright entering the atmosphere

You: Approaching the location

You: SLOW DOWN SON!

You: Alright lift up on the wheel slightly

You: Now press the wheel activator up above you

You: and the brakes below

You: Then, I’ll open the wheel dock.

You: Alright, slow us down some more and follow the landing strip.

You: Congratulations son, You flew us home.

You: A job well done, I look forward to our next mission together.

You: Son, why did you bring a Saturn woman home?

You: Fair enough.

You: Stand and wave to the media

You: Great work. Now let’s take the dust to Proffesser Vagina.

You: *several hours of examining later*

You: Yes, Prof. Vagina has concluded, Saturn is indeed a planet.

You: Goodbye son, try not to get into too much trouble.

You: Immerse me in adventure please

You: excellent

You: :(

You: yes

You: :(

You: deep shit? hhahahahahahah

You: seriously, I am laughing out loud

You: because you are an imbecil

You: how deep must a girl be submerged in shit before you are satisfied?

You: I love you too son!

You: Bacon and icecream

You: Sound good sweety?

You: Im cooking it now!

You: Sure thing! You can help fry the bacon!

You: Do you need a box to stand on so you can reach the cooker?

You: *bends over*

You: *”stacys mom” comes on over the radio*

You: Yeah I got it son

You: Now son, look after the bacon, I have to go shave

You: (Im a very hairy mum. Got lots of face fur)

You: *Kicks box away* AHAHAHA!!! *Eyes trun bloodshot*

You: *Chases with big knife*

You: *Throws brick*

You: God dammnit corporal! Get your ass out there and fire!

You: Right. We know he’s there, and he knows we’re here. Sooner or later he’s going to stick his head up to take a shot at as. AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOUR ASS INTO GEAR AND SHOOT HIM

You: That’s it. We’re going to have to go up there, corporal.

You: DON’T YOU TELL ME YOU CAN’T RUN YOU SNIVELLING LARD BALL! YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS – SHOOT OR BE SHOT. NOW GET YOUR HUGE ASS UP OFF THE GROUND AND GET IN THERE BEFORE WE’RE ALL BLOWN TO HELL!!!

You: Well, that’s one less ass to worry about