Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You wake up alone in a desert. Nearby you seen a wrecked plane. Through the plane’s windshield it is obvious the pilot is dead. To the north you see distant mountains. To the east you see an oasis.
You: You begin to dig in the sand. After several minutes of digging it is apparent you are getting nowhere. The hole fills itself back as fast as you can dig it.
Stranger: go back to sleep
You: You go back to sleep. Several hours pass and you are awakened by a vulture peck at your supple intestines.
Stranger: eat the vulture
You: The vulture’s back is turned. You deftly reach up and snap the neck of the fowl. You tear away its feathers and begin chewing on its raw flesh.
Stranger: i am now refreshed and will repair the airplane
You: Momentarily refreshed by your carnivorous meal you saunter over to the wreckage.
You: You inspect the plane’s fusalage and determine that it is beyond repair. Both wings have sheared off and the propellor is nowhere in sight. Landing gear has broken off but appears salvageable.
Stranger: search inside the plane
You: You begin to inspect the interior of the plane. In the cockpit you see the body of the pilot and in the back, your seat from the flight. Where in the plane would you like to search?
Stranger: storage compartments and cargo
You: You check the storage compartments and discover two parachutes, flares, and a first aid kit. In the cargo bin you see your suitcase.
You: You open your suitcase to discover suntan lotion, several tacky Hawaiian shirts, two pairs of shorts, sandels, a hair dryer, and toiletries.
Stranger: with the salvageable landing gear, start creating a land vehicle with all the materials at hand, using parachutes and shirts as sails
You: Using the industrial strength hair dryer as a blunt tool, you attach the landing gear to the broken wings of the plane. Using the parachutes you fashion a crude sail with a tacky Hawaiian shirt flag.
Stranger: take apart the steering stick to use on the vehicle
You: Pushing aside the pilot’s lifeless body, you disassemble the steering stick from the plane, remove it, and reattach it to your crude vehicle.
Stranger: board the crude vehicle and start moving towards the opposite direction of the mountains
You: Would you like to inspect the pilot’s body before leaving?
You: Careful not to desecrate his body, for he was a nice person in life, you check the pockets of the pilot to find a wallet and a pocketknife.
Stranger: very useful! thanks buddy
Stranger: take sunglasses too
You: You take the pilot’s aviator sunglasses. Sexy level has increased by 35 points.
You: Donning your fashionable eyewear you smile at your creation. You mount the vehicle and testing the wind, set a course due south away from the mountains.
You: You hear a great crack and your machine falls apart. To the east and south you see open desert. To the west is some sort of building.
Stranger: i just ate and refreshed my mind and body recently, so it can not be a mirage
Stranger: take suitcase filled with the unused materials and head towards th building
You: Very sure of your vision, you grab your lovely piece of luggage and begin walking towards the structure.
You: There is a rattlesnake on the ground. It winks at you.
Stranger: i fall in love, take it with me
You: You become infatuated with the serpant. The feeling is mutual. The snake slithers up to you and happily lets you put it on your shoulders.
You: What would you like to do with your new pet?
Stranger: ask it to travel to the building, search for anything suspicious or helpful, and report back to me
You: Lucky for you, you speak parsletongue. You kindly ask your new found friend to investigate the building while you remain and wait. What would you like to do to pass the time?
Stranger: inspect the pilot’s wallet
You: You take the pilot’s wallet out of your pocket and look at its contents. Inside you find his driver’s license, pilot’s license, a Visa credit card, a AAA membership card, insurance card, $74 cash, a guitar pick, and a picture of a beautiful woman you assume to be his wife.
You: As the sun begins you set, you see your snake returning.
Stranger: bright eyed and anticipating it’s report
You: You push your sunglasses onto the top of your head, and bend down to hear the report your snake gives. Since the snake can obviously read English, as all snakes can, it tells you you are near a top secret research facility in Death Valley, California.
Stranger: ask “did you see any other human beings?”
You: Inquiring on how inhabited the facility is, the snake informs you that it saw roughly 10 men and women in white lab coats, several dressed in black suits, and one woman in a distinctive red suit with a professional looking skirt.
Stranger: intrigued enough to go in myself and investigate. lift snake back on shoulder and prepares self for a spy and infiltrate mission
You: You thank your reptilian friend and place the loyal animal back on your shoulders. You take a few deep breathes and dramatically look to the building as the sun sets behind it.
You: You look to the building but it is too far away to determine entrance points.
Stranger: looks around for any cover to get closer
You: You see several sand dunes between your current position and the building. You stealthily transverse from one to another until you are close enough to properly examine the structure
Stranger: looks for an entrance to
Stranger: get inside th ebuilding
You: You inspect the front of the building. The front entrance is guarded by two security officers. There is a side window open and a ladder to the roof.
Stranger: carefully reach the building walls to get to the side window for a peek inside
You: You sneak around the dunes careful to avoid the gazes of the rather bored looking security officers. You reach the side window and peek inside. You see a very advanced looking laboratory with lots of test tubes and flashing lights.
You: There are scientists in the room.
Stranger: looks like there’s nothing really interesting for me to meddle in
You: It looks like there’s nothing really interesting for you to meddle in.
You: Suddenly an alarm goes off. The scientists freeze and then begin running around in what looks like organized chaos. What do you do?
Stranger: climb the ladder to the top of the roof and lay prone
You: You climb the ladder with no fear of being heard over the din of the alarm. You lay down prone on the roof of the building.
Stranger: slowly crawl to the edge to see what’s going on
You: You crawl yourself to look over the edge of the roof. One of the security guards has gone inside while the other remains outside. It appears they are not aware of your presence and the alarm is unrelated to you.
Stranger: wait until it dies down
You: The alarm is beginning to agitate your snake. It is apparent you should do something before it gets too upset.
Stranger: hm….take my chances and climb back down to get another look inside the building through the window
You: You walk over to the ladder but see the second guard did not go inside but rather is within sight of the ladder.
Stranger: current situation? did the guard spot me yet?
You: The guard is not aware of your presence but will certainly see you if you try to go down the ladder.
Stranger: take a flare out of suitcase, ignite it and throw out into the desert as far as i can
You: In a stroke of genius you pull open open your suitcase and remove one of the plane flares. You ignite it and throw it in a high distance arch away from the building.
You: The guard sees the flare and travels off towards where it landed. You guess you only have a few minutes before he returns.
Stranger: drop down the other side of the building and sneak behind the remaining guard by the door. choke hold to put him out of consciousness
You: You observe a drainage pipe down the other side of the buliding. It seems to be strong enough to hold your weight. You climb down it and, wishing you were Solid Snake, you sneak behind the remaining guard and put him in a sleeper hold. Soon he is unconscious.
Stranger: drag him to the backside of the building and leave him there. head towards to the entrance of the building and giving a light kiss on the snake, throws it inside the buidling
You: You drag the guard to the backside of the building and return to the entrance. You plant a smooch on the head of the snake and throw it inside. The alarm causes the snake to go into a frenzy.
Stranger: hoping that it works, waits for everyone remaining inside will run out
You: You hide out of sight and soon a stampede of frightened scientists run out of the laboratory
You: You a hear a gunshot.
Stranger: ah! worried that someone fired a shot at my snake, i run in wihtout any second thoughts
You: Fearing the worst for your beloved pet, you throw caution to the wind and run inside.
You: You see a team of terrified agents cowering in a corner unarmed and defenseless. Across from them you see your snake clutching a smoking Magnum in its tail with an whole assortment of other weapons surrounding it. The snake gives you another wink.
Stranger: dumbfounded for a moment, i eventually come out of shock and puts the snake back on my shoulder
Stranger: i take the magnum out of it’s tail
Stranger: and points it at the coward agents in the corner and questions them
Stranger: “what is this place and what are you doing here?”
You: You do all of the above.
Stranger: got ahead of myself
You: Before anyone can answer, a door opens. It is the woman in the red skirt suit.
You: Your snake neglected to mention how stunningly beautiful she is.
Stranger: stunned by her beauty
Stranger: i drop the magnum because of weak nerves
You: You are stunned by her ravishing beauty and the gun slips from your sweating hands. She smiles. This isn’t the first time this has happened.
You: If only there was a way for you to dazzle her with your own sexiness.
Stranger: thinking that i should’ve kept one of my hawaiin shirts (guaranteed to floor anyone of the opposite sex), i act on my feet and rip off my shirt, takes out suntan lotion, and squeezes it all over me
You: Thinking fast you tear off your shirt revealing your rippling pecs and abs (who knew?), and begin applying gratuitous amounts of suntan lotion to your body.
You: You seem to be weakening her.
Stranger: perfect. pick up magnum and point it at lady while instructing snake to keep an eye on the agents
You: No dice. She is weakened but not beaten. You try to think of another way… off the top of your head…
Stranger: to hell with it all! tackle her
You: You run at her and she shoots you in the arm. She’s not stupid.
You: Would you like to continue from here or move back one?
You: With a searing pain in your right arm your momentum continues towards her and you tackle her.
You: She slaps you across the face causing your sunglasses to fall over your eyes. She raising the gun to you again but sees your sexy aviators and swoons.
Stranger: opportunity! take magnum out of her hands
You: With no resistance you disarm her.
Stranger: snap back upright and point the gun at her with a triumphant “ha!”
You: You jump up and raise the gun towards her with a triumpaht “ha!” However you must hold it in your left hand due to your right arm being in so much pain and bleeding.
You: What do you question her about?
Stranger: what this building is for and what are they all exactly doing here
You: Reluctantly she informs you that this building is a research facility studying fringe science secretly funded by the U.S. government out of the public eye. If the U.S. tax payers new they were spending funds to study topics such as teleportation, reanimation, and extra-sensory perception, the lashback would be catostrophic.
Stranger: hm…after hearing the truth, i realize that i am not all that concerned with all of that. help lady in red skirt suit up
You: You frown wishing the facility was more exciting. You extend a hand and help up the beautiful agent in teh red skirt suit. She informs you her name is Director Jessica Sanders.
Stranger: not entirely trusting her yet…i recall the name on the dead pilot’s ID
You: You remain hesitant to divulge your true identity. You tell her your name is Rick Danger. She does not believe you until you pull out the official pilot’s license confirming ‘your’ identity.
You: You lightly pull down your aviators. Looking over them you ask her what she’s doing after she’s done for the day. You wink and she stammers “I…uh… uhm….”
You: Finally she fans herself and manages to tell you she is free tonight.
Stranger: introduce snake and fade out….
You: Your snake does not have a name. Would you like to name it before the introduction?
You: You summon your snake and ask it if has a name. It whispers that it is called HHSsshshhhss by its family, which translates to Baron von McDoogenhoffer.
You: You extend your hand to Jessica and introduce the Baron. The camera zooms out through the skyroof and fades to black as it pans across a clear desert night.
You: Your Score is 97/100.
You: Thank you for playing.
Stranger: insert 50 cents
You: You wish to continue. You insert 50 cents. I’m not entirely sure where you insert it, but whereever you insert it appears to work. The camera fades back in to a Napa Valley villa. The Baron is sunning himself on the viranda.
Stranger: aw man, ma’s calling me
You: Your Score is -23/100
Stranger: now i’m depressed
You: It’s ok, you still have an awesome pet snake.
Stranger: but i don’t have jessica sanders
You: You never asked about Jessica Sanders.
Stranger: am i still with jessica sanders?
You: You hear a sigh behind you. Jessica gives you a sly smile and with a single finger motions you back to the bedroom.
You: Your Score is 110/100.
You: Thank you for playing.
(22 votes, score: 4.00)
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(134 votes, score: 4.55)