Linguist Nazi
April 3rd, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: what’s up
You: well…
Stranger: go on
You: i dont know..outer space….
You: is that the countersign?
Stranger: actually I was using an idiom
You: Ah, an idiom….
You: I thought we were pretending to be spooks.
Stranger: so you see your response, while correct, was never the less improper
You: Apologies stranger…
You: I meant not to offend…Verily i swear this…
You: My cat can vouch for my trustworthiness
Stranger: your faux-antiquated speech is not appreciated.
You: Aww…you wound me
Stranger: an thou wouldst, desist; ye senden wie be fair sport long.
You: If it does not please your ear to hear my faux antiquated babble
You: why dont you suggest something else…
Stranger: I always prefer, if given the choice, to read properly punctuated, grammatically correct text.
Stranger: Is that within your power to provide?
You: it is
You: I beg to differ on one point.
Stranger: What point is that?
You: Faux antiquated text can easily be grammatically correct and properly punctuated.
You: I get away with writing faux antiquated poetry easily enough.
Stranger: But such words as “verily” and “it does not please your ear” sound incongruous to the gourmand of modern speech.
You: Touche! Yet does not such speech break the dull monotony of “hi! asl, lets cyber.?
Stranger: I find that proper grammar and punctuation are sufficient to quell these bores.
You: True enough.
You: Though Inotice that you too have a predilection for antiquated wording.
You: “Quell” isnt exactly in common usage today.
Stranger: Anyway, please tell me your age, sex, and current location so that we may engage in cybersex.
You: You mean to make offense?
You: Or, do you perhaps jest?
Stranger: That is precisely my intention, yes.
You: -fingers hilt of rapier-
Stranger: -fingers barrel of gun-
You: -fingers handle of cleverly concealed holdout blaster-
Stranger: -fingers detonator for cleverly placed remote mines-
You: -fingers buttons on portable minesweeeper-
Stranger: -fingers radio for calling backup-
You: -fingers comlink for callin in airstrike-
Stranger: -fingers box of eclairs for making peace-
You: -fingers slice of well cooked nerf-
Stranger: -fingers your girlfriend-
You: -force chokes your closest relations-
Stranger: -remembers the force isn’t real-
You: -fingers industry-level laser-
Stranger: -commits suicide-
You: -fingers the lord’s hotline-
You: -Calls upon hellish minions to resuscitate the corpse-
Stranger: -repents with dying breath and goes to heaven, thus obviating minions’ efforts-
You: -leads hellish armies in a siege of heaven’s gates-
Stranger: -JESUS RETURNS AND SAVES EVERYBODY GAME OVER-
You: -fingers hold out blaster and vaporizes Jesus-
You: (Din’t see that coming did you?)
Stranger: aha! but you forget that even in his mortal form, jesus had advanced healing!
Stranger: Resurrection Jesus has leveled his healing to the point of immunity.
You: -fingers massacre- (global spells ignore immunity to targeting
You: (jesus gets -2, -2)
Stranger: but you forget that Jesus will cast global Endspell once the tribulation is in full swing
Stranger: since you summoned hellfiends to attack, that gives him enough spells to sacrifice
Stranger: Earth is granted the spell immunity buff
You: -summons the daleks-
You: (acting through a half-cybernetic third party helps circumvent immunity to direct actions)
Stranger: Jesus has 20+ diplomacy though
Stranger: he attempts to engage daleks in peaceful resolution
You: -daleks say – Exterminate, Exterminate-
Stranger: Jesus’ diplomacy has no effect! the Daleks are not receptive.
Stranger: Jesus rolls to cast solar flare from his sun control card.
You: -dalek warships land on the earth and begin to spew out millions of units-
You: (if we die the earth goes with it0
You: (with us)
You: (apologies for the error)
Stranger: jesus rolls a twenty, solar flare lvl 5 is cast from the Sun control card
Stranger: global spell immunity reflects on jesus, who takes -20 and regens +20
You: -The earth is rosted in a spectacular inferno-
You: – a lone Dalek escapes by hijacking the TARDIS.
Stranger: hold up now
Stranger: Jesus cast global Endspell for spell reflect
Stranger: that’s all legit
Stranger: earth and all players with Earth allegiance are unaffected
You: -blast-
You: -unsummons the Dalek and uses remaining mana to summon the Flying Spaghetti Monster-
Stranger: dammit FSM’s absurdist power has a roll to manadrain Jesus every turn!
You: -Flying Spaghetti Monster touches jesus with noodly appendage, converting him to Pastafarianism-
Connection imploded.
Submitted by Leo from USA
(47 votes, score: 4.57)
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(19 votes, score: 4.16)