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Sex, Drugs And Sausage Rolls

September 7th, 2011
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I’m getting bored of scaring people
You: Can I have a serious convo with you>
You: About sex and drugs and sausage rolls?
Stranger: sex and drugs, not sure about sausage rolls
You: No, they’re the most important part though
Stranger: I’ve just eaten though, and I can’t think about food when I’m full
You: Weell
You: What about sex WITH sausage rolls while on drugs?
You: That was a weird night
You: :/
Stranger: I can see how that might happen
You: Yeah
You: Imagine waking up next to that
You: D:
Stranger: what about sex with drugs while on sausage rolls?
You: Yeah, that was good
You: Wait what?
You: I have horrible mental images now
Stranger: making out with a crack pipe?
You: *cough cough*
You: Maybe a heroin needle
You: OH NOEZ
YES GAWDS
You: D:>
You: Console me please
Stranger: that could end painfully
You: Hold me in your arms and whisper sweet nothings
Stranger: I could sing ‘golden brown’ to you softly
You: Ohhhh
You: Yes please…
Stranger: consider it done
You: :D
You: I feel better now
Stranger: Good, I’d hate for you to have to cope with those filthy thoughts about meat wrapped in pastry
You: OH GOD NO
You: I now have an inexplicable want to watch american pie
You: :|
Stranger: I watched that very movie earlier
You: Did you feel special feelings for pies afterwards?
Stranger: I can’t say I did to be honest, I think I’ve seen the film too many times and developed an immunity
You: I see
You: I still fondle pies on the odd occasion
You: I should probably see a psychiatrist about that
Stranger: You might get put away for a long time
Stranger: serious affliction
You: You mean…
You: Fondling pies is a criminal offence?!
You: D:
Stranger: mental hospital, it’s a hard condition to shake off
You: Yeah
You: Anyway
You: I’d better go
Stranger: have good pie fondling
You: All this talk of pies is making me hot
You: :|
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Duffy from England

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (12 votes, score: 3.92)
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Socrates Rolls in His Grave

September 7th, 2011
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: The Owl hoots at night.
Stranger: does it?
You: You aren’t Charles?
Stranger: perhaps we just assume it does
You: Oh God.
Stranger: and hence force it to
Stranger: and nope
You: We force the owl to hoot?
You: Are you retarded?
Stranger: no, this is philosophy
Stranger: the voice of reason
You: No, see that’s you taking philosophy, twisting it into a ball of rubber-bands, and forcing it on other people
Stranger: am I?
You: And disguising it as Philosophy again.
You: Yes.
You: You are.
Stranger: how am I?
You: Because it is a scientific fact that owls hoot.
Stranger: what is science?
You: See, this is why I hate you.
You: Philosophy doesn’t tell people to ask questions constantly like a 5th grader.
You: You ask questions that mean something.
Stranger: because you can’t define your own questions?
You: I didn’t ask a question.
Stranger: ever heard of the Socratic method?
Stranger: lol
You: At least not one that wasn’t rhetorical.
Stranger: they’re not
Stranger: they have answers
Stranger: the answers help
You: OK then, answer one of the few questions I asked:
You: Are you retarded?
Stranger: Kindly do not use that in front of me, especially when its meaning is within science
Stranger: not humanity
You: Do not use what?
You: Retarded?
Stranger: yeah
You: Oh, OK
You: Just making sure that “retarded” was the word.
You: I’m sure Socrates wouldn’t have minded hearing / reading the word “retarded”, seeing as how the word has found a nest within most of our social conversations.
You: Wouldn’t you agree?
Stranger: No
Stranger: not really
You: Retard.
Stranger: language isn’t that simple
You: Oh.
You: Then make it complicated for me.
You: Because this isn’t really about language.
You: This is really about social norms.
Stranger: well it is
Stranger: social norms are irellavent
You: No they aren’t.
You: It’s completely relevant.
You: Oh, by the way, you aren’t really rationalizing your thoughts very well
You: So for a student of Socrates
You: Go fuck yourself, retard.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Stranger from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (13 votes, score: 2.62)
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Sign Him Up

September 7th, 2011
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: asian 18m looking for horny female with cam
You: you got one ;)
You: penis length?
Stranger: 8inch
You: horny
You: you have skype?
Stranger: msn?
You: oh, sure
You: hang on
You: let me just open it
Stranger: ok
You: okay
You: email?
Stranger: hornykak@hotmail.com
Stranger: whts urs?
You: imaddingyoutogaypornsites@hotmail.com
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Josh from UK

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (23 votes, score: 4.43)
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The Prime Minister of North Korea in Bruce Lee Form

September 7th, 2011
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hellou=)
Stranger: where you live?
You: south korea
You: and yourself?
Stranger: north korea
Stranger: =)
You: doubtful
Stranger: yep
You: concidering that the government does not allow you to have internet
Stranger: how old are you?
Stranger: yes but im primeminister’s son
Stranger: =)
Stranger: and we are rICH
Stranger: how you doing?
You: …
You: you obviously do not know the government of north korea
You: and are a liar
Stranger: yes i know
Stranger: i live here?
You: once again
You: doubtful
Stranger: yep
You: what is your father’s name?
Stranger: kong chua chin pong
Stranger: :D
Stranger: what is yours?
You: lee jung suk
Stranger: okay
Stranger: cool name=)
Stranger: my name is bruce lee
You: hm that’s cool
Stranger: and my brother is chuck norris
You: aren’t you dead?
Stranger: noot
Stranger: i rased up
You: what is rased?
Stranger: i mean i rose up
You: from the dead?
Stranger: yes
You: you are a zombie?
Stranger: noup
Stranger: im am vampire
You: explain. you are not god’s son
You: vampires are not undead
Stranger: i am
Stranger: =)
You: you clearly do not understand how mythological creatures work as well
Stranger: yes i know
Stranger: i study mythological creatures
You: the prime minister of north korea’s (who does not exist) son studies mythological creatures (which do not exist)?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: im not lying
Stranger: when my dad dies im going to be a prince of korea
Stranger: and then you lick my balls
Stranger: =)
You: how?
Stranger: what how?
You: kim jong il has 3 sons
You: therefore they are the princes of korea
Stranger: yes i am one of them
You: north korea
You: that is
You: i thought you were bruce lee
Stranger: i kill my brothers
Stranger: of course
Stranger: i am
Stranger: i have changed my name
You: to bruce lee?
Stranger: yes
You: and your brother changed his name to chuck norris?
Stranger: yes
You: and you are a vampire.
Stranger: yes
You: my my
Stranger: you havent told anything about you
You: this will be astonishing when the world finds about you
Stranger: ^^
You: I am a simple korean boy
You: nothing more
Stranger: okay
You: I am studying to be a doctor
You: and enjoy playing starcraft
Stranger: :D
Stranger: okay
Stranger: my dad said that we start war tomorrow against you
Stranger: i dont konw is it true
Stranger: i just heard
You: well luckily our military is very strong
Stranger: :D
You: and we have the support of the rest of the world
Stranger: no its not
You: so i doubt we will loose
Stranger: we hav china with us
You: china’s army is pathetic
Stranger: no its not
You: compared to the united states
You: and russia’s
You: and the entirety of europe’s
Stranger: barack obama just shits his pants when the big nigga hears about this war
You: well i would hope not
Stranger: and you know what
Stranger: we hav thousands of nuclear bombs
You: does thousands equal <1?
You: I dont think so
You: and last time I checked, your missiles have consistently had technological problems
Stranger: you will shit bricks when you see big black cloud in the sky
Stranger: yes but we fixed them
You: i most certainly will not
You: and you most certainly will not bomb our country
Stranger: yes we does
Stranger: we will burn your little village
You: my “little village” is seoul
Stranger: yes you right
Stranger: and its kinda small
You: you are aware that seoul is the capital of south korea right?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: but not tomorrow
Stranger: anymore
You: and it is larger than all of your cities
Stranger: what about that
Stranger: we hav nuclerabombs
You: no you do not
You: you are terribly misinformed
Stranger: yes we actualy hav
You: well I await the missles coming down upon me
You: because i doubt that they will
Stranger: i promise they will
Stranger: and i watch that on tv
Stranger: live
You: how will you get a live feed of south korea in your country?
You: you do not get any international channles
Stranger: yes i hav
Stranger: im primeministers son
Stranger: i hav everything
Stranger: i got 2 bentleys
You: you must certainly do not
Stranger: =)
Stranger: you will see tomorrow
You: ok then.
Stranger: are you some kind of school shooter
Stranger: you look like it
You: you have not seen me…
Stranger: yes i hav all the time
Stranger: im primeministers son
Stranger: i hav cameras everywhere
Stranger: even on your screen
Stranger: bijatch
You: how I do not have a webcam?
Stranger: yes you dont
Stranger: but i see your face via screen
Stranger: i just thought that i will throw molotovcoctail in your house
Stranger: is that okay?
You: no it is not ok
You: my house is full of flammable materials
Stranger: i hav to go now because i hav treffs with osama bin laden
Stranger: see you tomorrow dead man
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Lee from South Korea

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (13 votes, score: 3.77)
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Win-Win Situation

September 7th, 2011
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: NEED CRACK?
Stranger: Hell ya!
You: HOW MUCH CRACK?
Stranger: NEED WEED?
Stranger: ALOT OF CRACK
You: GOOD BUSINESS FOR ME
You: WE SWAP WEED FOR CRACK
Stranger: WOOOO WE’RE MUTUALLY BENIFICIAL
You: YES NOW I LEAVE THANKS FOR BUSINESS
Stranger: NO PROBLEM
Stranger: I LOVE YOU
You: YEAH MAN I FEEL THE SAME
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Erik from Spain

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (9 votes, score: 3.11)
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