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Twisted Confession

July 15th, 2011
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: whats good
You: Hello, I’m Dr. Turnet.
You: A registered psychologist.
You: How may i assist you today?
Stranger: i think the memories of my past have caught up with me
You: Good or bad?
Stranger: very bad
You: Dear lord, can you tell me about these memories?
You: Have a seat on the futon first.
You: Make yourself relaxed.
You: Now explain to me, what are these memories? -grabs pencil and paper-
Stranger: well, i could only tell these memories to a female
Stranger: im very uncomfortable
You: I am a female. I’m Dr. Lillian Turnet.
Stranger: thats good
You: Are you ready to speak to me about such memories?
Stranger: sure
You: Okay. I’m listening.
Stranger: well in 1995, i killed a man
You: Oh god. For what?
Stranger: it was an accident
Stranger: it was a hit and run
You: Mhmm. I see. How does this make you feel?
Stranger: i cant dream without picturing the guy
You: interesting. -takes notes-
You: Tell me more.
Stranger: he was a homless man
Stranger: he was crossing the street
Stranger: i thought it was fun
You: Aha. So it wasn’t an accident.
Stranger: well i aimed for him
You: Sir, I have contacted the local authorities and they are on their way to arrest you.
You: That is homocide.
You: Why would you do such a cruel thing?
Stranger: because i felt like i needed to
Stranger: i needed to have sex with his dead body
Stranger: i used his blood as lubricant
Stranger: in his ass
You: Very grotesque.
Stranger: but so hot
You: You are a sick man, and you need help.
You: The police are on their way.
Stranger: most likely
You: They have tracked your IP Address.
Stranger: bummer
You: Yep. Any last words?
Stranger: well i have my gun here, im ready to either shot myself or go down in a blaze of glory
You: You know what, just shoot yourself.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Dezmond from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (15 votes, score: 2.67)
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The SLMC Organization

July 15th, 2011
2 comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ask me any questions you want and i’ll answer them
You: really?
Stranger: YES
You: like anything?
Stranger: YES
You: Hm.
You: Give me a second to comtemplate a good question worthy of your intelligence
Stranger: YOU CAN ASK ME MORE THAN ONE QUESTION
You: Oh good
You: Alright
You: Question number 1
You: Do you own any cats?
Stranger: NO
You: Hm..
You: Curious..
You: Alright
You: Question 2
You: Do you know the square root of 6969 plus 3 divided by 8?
You: Please round to the nearest decimal.
Stranger: NOT OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD
You: Hm.
You: Let me jot a quick note down..
You: mmhmm..
Stranger: OK
You: Have you ever/ or do you have plan on sitting on a girrafes head during an earthquake?
Stranger: NOPE
You: Okay
You: Do you participate in Pro-Homosexuality rallies?
Stranger: NO
You: Are you american?
Stranger: YES
You: Oh good
You: What do you think of the socialist that is currently the president of your country?
Stranger: I DON’T THINK ABOUT HIM
You: Peculier.
You: Alright
You: Lets see..
You: What is your musical taste?
Stranger: I HATE MUSIC
You: I see
You: Okay
You: After scratching your genital area, do you smell your hand?
Stranger: SOMETIMES
You: Do you enjoy this scent?
Stranger: SOMETIMES
Stranger: THEN I REALIZE I’M SNIFFING MY GENTINALS
Stranger: AND I STOP
You: Would you consider yourself as a Conformist?
Stranger: WE ALL ARE IN SOME WAY
Stranger: SO I GUESS YES
You: Ah yes, good answer
You: How old is your mother?
Stranger: SHE WON’T TELL ME
Stranger: BUT I THINK SHE IS LIKE 45
Stranger: MAYBE
Stranger: I’M NOT SURE
You: Have you ever proceeded to engage in sexual activity with your mother, or anyone in your family?
Stranger: NO
You: I’m sorry, It seems as if you don’t qualify for the STRAIGHT MEN WITH LARGE COCKS organization
Stranger: OK
You: We at the SMLC apoligize for the incovience
Stranger: MMHMM
You: Would you like a SMLC button?
Stranger: NO
You: okay, if you’ll just give us your Mailing Address and Email
You: Your bill will arrive in the mail shortly
You: Most likely in the next 3-5 buisness days
Stranger: OK
Stranger: THERE YOU GO
You: Alright
You: Have a nice day sir
Stranger: OK
You: The doors behind you sir.
Stranger: MHMM
You: Sir, I’m very busy
You: If you’d just be on your way..
Stranger: UHMM THIS IS MY HOUSE…
You: Sir, please dont cause a scene in my office
You: Now i’ll be happy to phone security to escort you outside
Stranger: DO IT
You: But i think it’d be much easier for us all if you just cooperated
You: Sir, don’t challenge me.
Stranger: OR WHAT?
You: Sir, we at the SMLC carry firearms in our offices
You: I’d hate to use it on someone as fragile and weakminded as you
Stranger: WELL IF YOU WOULD HATE TO DO IT THEN WHY DO IT?
You: Don’t contradict yourself sir
You: You’ll force me to use violence if you dont leave
Stranger: I’M FORCING YOU TO DO ANYTHING
You: In that case, I’d have to do what I hate
Stranger: NOT
Stranger: THEN DO IT
You: SIR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE
Stranger: I TOLD YOU THIS IS MY HOUSE
You: ILL BLOW YOUR BRAINS ALL OVER THESE FUCKING WALLS
You: GET THE FUCK OUT
Stranger: I SAID DO IT
You: YOU ASKED FOR IT
Stranger: I DID
You: BAM BAMMABMBMMBAMMBMAB BAM BAMB AMB MAB AMB B BAMB BAMM B BAMBMAMBMABMAMBMMBMBMABMAM
Stranger: WTF ARE YOU DOING?
You: FUCK
You: I MISSED
Stranger: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE THE WEAKMINDED PERSON HERE
You: LUCKILY I CARRY THIS FIREAXE PERSON IN MY OFFICE
You: SWING SWING SSWINGINSINSWINIGN GSINWING SLASH SLASH SWING SLASH CUT SLASH
Stranger: …
You: Whew
You: Cindy, be a doll and bring some coffee up to my office. And maybe some papertowels.
You: It’s a bit bloody up here.
Stranger: IT SURE IS
You: FUCK
You: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD GOD DAMMIT
You: LUCKILY I KEEP THIS MAN EATING DOG IN A CAGE IN MY OFFICE
Stranger: I’M BORED
You: RUF RUFUFUFUFRUUFF RUFF BARK BARK RUFF CHEW
You: Good
You: Just die already
Stranger: I COULD
Stranger: BUT THEN
Stranger: I WOULDN’T GET TO LIVE
You: By the way, you see the button to left of your keyboard? It says Capslock on it, and probably has a green light turned on
You: Press it.
Stranger: I DON’T THINK SO
You: Society will be much more prone to accept you if thats off
Stranger: IT MIGHT
Stranger: BUT I WON’T
You: Look, I’d love to stay and argue with a bloody body in my office, but I’ve got a meeting in 15 minutes on the effect of nuclear warfare on cats
You: If you’ll excuse me
Stranger: MMHHMM
Stranger: GO ON
You: Go on?
You: I have a meeting god dammit
You: Go away
Stranger: THEN GO
You: but.. I cant..
You: (Narration) I couldn’t leave him, after all this agression it seems as if we’ve clicked and became good friends.
Stranger: …
You: (Narration) Then my temporary psychosis took over, I pulled out the ol’ chainsaws, revved it up and cut him into pieces. Good riddance.
You: Now, to that meeting.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Syd from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (32 votes, score: 4.75)
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He Does Not Know Many Much Stuff

July 15th, 2011
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Could I possibly interest you in an intellectual discussion?
Stranger: yep
You: brilliant!
You: the topic is yours to choose
Stranger: i want sex
You: knock knock?
Stranger: ya mum
You: no it was the stinging sense of realitsation that all your life amounts to is some sort of borderline sexual harrassment through the cowardice anonimity of the internet
You: close though
Stranger: i know not many much stuff
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Joe from England

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (19 votes, score: 4.63)
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Best Friends Forever

July 15th, 2011
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: Explain Marx’s concepts of Bourgeoisie and Proletariat and critically assess his account of class conflict.
Stranger: the bourgeoisie were a bunch of liberal fags
Stranger: and marx was an even bigger homo
Stranger: i would love to hear your take on it
You: i couldn’t bring myself to discuss such a topic with an arrogant, ignorant and downright uneducated Yank
Stranger: hmm, your gay?
You: You sir are a Freudians wet dream of a case study
Stranger: you sir are a gay fag
You: cool story, bro
Stranger: nahh, your cooler
You: read a fucking book instead of sleeping with your sister
Stranger: uhhh… i do read. and i dont have a sister
You: TV Guide is not reading
Stranger: hahaha, who the fuck reads tv guide
You: Homos?
Stranger: ya probably, good thing i dont read it
You: *High Five*!
Stranger: teamwork!
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Joe from England

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (17 votes, score: 2.41)
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The Highlander

July 15th, 2011
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER
You: you’re it.
Stranger: AND I WILL SODOMIZE YOU UNTIL YOU KNOW IT
You: really? i know it already, man.
Stranger: YOU MUST KNOW IT, PHYSICALLY
Stranger: YOUR ANUS WILL BE MY PROOF
You: WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO?
Stranger: YOU WERE BORN TO RECEIVE FROM ME
Stranger: IT IS YOUR DESTINY, TO HOLD MY DICK TIGHTLY IN YOUR ASS
You: oh fate, you are a cruel mistress.
You: -drops pants-
You: do your best.
Stranger: i will, my friend
Stranger: you will feel this in your upper chest
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by liz from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (18 votes, score: 4.11)
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