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Archive for July, 2010

Fatty Owls

July 31st, 2010
1 comment
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello!
Stranger: hello
You: It said we were supposed to say hi but we both said hello. We’re such bloody rebels.
Stranger: LOL
Stranger: you are right!!!
You: I know, we should form a crime fighting team.
Stranger: and make a fortune with it!!!
You: Hell yes!
You: It will look like we’re fighting crime but really we’ll be the ones robbing the banks, etc.
Stranger: yeah,
Stranger: and give it to the needy
Stranger: like us… ;-)
You: Haha, yes. I like you style.
You: *your
Stranger: can you tell me somethin about you rebel?
Stranger: thx
You: I am from England. You go!
Stranger: germany
Stranger: male
You: Don’t mention the war, don’t mention the war, don’t mention the war. So er…. How are you…
Stranger: ??? what did you mean with that
Stranger: youre a guy as well?
You: Damn, my internal dialougue is somehow being shown.
You: We won the war, admit it buddy.
Stranger: so what?
You: If it wasn’t for us, you’d all be speaking German now.
Stranger: yeah, but otherwise you would have had the privilege to learn German as well…
just kidding. war is long time over. and germany wont do something like that again
You: That’s good to know.
You: Lets have a eternal virtual football match in the middle of no mans land that is Omegle.
Stranger: we can do penalty shootouts better
Stranger: ;-)
You: We do real shootouts better
Stranger: i like the football ones better…
Stranger: and well, you join wars on fake expertises
You: We’ll do whatever the fuck we like.
Stranger: still clinging to the emperor’s role, aren’t you?! ^^
You: Long live the Queen!
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Zane from England

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (34 votes, score: 4.12)
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The Beta Tester

July 30th, 2010
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You have been connected to Sexbot 3000.
Stranger: YAY
Stranger: Sex!
You: Sexbot is currently in domination mode. Switch to submissive mode? (Y/N)
Stranger: n
You: Warning. Leaving Sexbot in domination mode can lead to the possible wreckage of your holes.
Stranger: N
You: Sexbot requires input. Please enter gender signature. (XX/XY)
Stranger: XY
You: Activate Sexbot? (Y/N)
Stranger: Y
You: Sexbot activated. Domination mode on. You were warned. Sexbot launches a full rectal assualt. A metal fork arm pins you down by the back of your neck, and a huge dong is inserted into your anus.
Stranger: OMFG
Stranger: DISABLE
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Charlie from UK

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (104 votes, score: 4.68)
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Psychological Examination

July 30th, 2010
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: are you A) a ninja who just murdered the wrong man and is feeling gulity, B) a camel trying to find it’s lost mother, C) on Mars and on fire or D) waiting for the Elder Gods to wake?
Stranger: all the above
You: Ok, lie down on the sofa and we get started….
You: *gets notebook*
Stranger: ::lies down::
You: So how does being a ninja camel on mars make you feel?
Stranger: it makes me feel like the world is at my finger tips and i can’t stop peeing my pants.
You: I see, I see *takes notes*
Stranger: ::whistles::
You: All right now tell me how you feel about your mother
Stranger: ….she abused me as a child.
You: All right is that why you into being a ninja?
Stranger: well i’m actually an air bender, not a ninja.
You: I see. I’m sorry I din’t mean to get it wrong my notes say ninja…
Stranger: it’s okay, everyone misunderstands.
You: Well as your shrink I want to get it right. This is a safe place you can trust me. *pats your hand
Stranger: do you happen to have any animal crackers or mac and cheese, they help me calm down.
You: Well I do but the monkeys all have pants and mock the hippos who don’t
Stranger: …fuck i hate when that happens.
You: *opens box of animal crackers and sets them down next to you*
Stranger: ::spazzes out and eats them uncontrollably::
You: Now, it says on your chart here that you have urges to eat grass and lick rocks
You: Is that so?
Stranger: …i hate to admit it but yeahh. not so much grass, but ohmygosh rocks.
You: It’s ok I won’t judge
Stranger: thankyou kind one.
You: That’s for the Judge haha, speaking of your trial is upcomeing. Hence why we’re talking right now
Stranger: trial? FUCK WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
You: Calm down, nothing much just stabbed a few old ladies with a spork. I think we get you out of it, play the race card and the missing mother and on fire thing
Stranger: it wasn’t a spork i swear! it was a bendy straw. i didn’t mean to…just…justt… she had some rocks. you know how i get.
You: I understand, I do. But you need to feel the remorse not just say it
Stranger: thankyou for understanding. not many people do.
You: Ok now breathe, in and out, in and out think about relaxing things.
Stranger: ::breathes in::
Stranger: ::breathes out::
Stranger: ::breathes in::
You: Deep blue waters….
Stranger: ::chokes::
You: OMG SERIAL KILLER RIGHT BEHIND YOU
Stranger: ASHFASJKFHASFASDFSDFSA OHHH NOOO! HELP ME D:
Stranger: ::goes all air bender on the killer::
You: There was’nt one. It’s a new form of therpay
You: We sacre you into wellness
You: Did it work?
You: I have a basket of snakes here if it din’t take yet
Stranger: i think it made things worse…
You: Hmm…well then…
You: *gets out shotgun*
You: Only one thing left to try. It’s very new but what doesnt kill you makes me richer!
Stranger: ::takes shotgun and shoots selff::
You: Hold still ……
You: Dammit
You: I lose more ninjas that way
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Ruby from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (25 votes, score: 3.96)
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