You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Is worse than Omegle.
Stranger: youve heard it before yeah?
You: So you are on a quest to piss more people off, is that it?
Stranger: i get some come on saying hello its allway
Stranger: yakkah .com yakkah.com
You: You are now talking to two girls!
You: We got this great site where you can see us naked.
Stranger: for gods sake <facepalm>
Stranger: oh i do apolgise
You: So, I got a question for you.
You: You are sitting on a bench in a park, on a sunny and wonderful day, when you suddenly see a strange man throwing an object into some nearby bushes. What do you do?
Stranger: i hide in the bushes that he’s trowing rock is and jump out and scare him
You: You are currently sitting on the bench, you can’t just teleport into the bushes.
Stranger: i’ll walk over to the bushes then
You: You walk over to the bushes. What now?
You: The man has now walked out of the park, and is nowhere to be seen.
Stranger: i stay in the bushes
Stranger: and make a camp fire
You: You take a seat in the bushes, and make a camp fire.
You: Oh no, the bushes has been set on fire!
Stranger: i run out of the bushes
You: A wooden box is revealed as some of the plants are burned away.
You: You run out of the bushes, leaving the wooden box behind.
Stranger: but stop to look at the box
You: On a second thought, you run back, and inspect the box.
Stranger: is there a key?
You: It’s somewhat big, and it is locked.
Stranger: is it breakable?
You: It may be, since it is made out of wood.
You: It ain’t too big, you can take it under your arm.
Stranger: i rip it open with my girly human strength
You: But it will slow you down, if you try to open it up.
Stranger: i dont have much, i need to get to mordour
You: You try to force it open, but you probably need a hammer or something, to smash it open.
Stranger: its probly only a power pack anywya
You: You leave the box, and step some distanse away from the fire.
Stranger: do i have any burns?
You: The bushes has now completely burned down, with the box.
You: Of some sort of miracle, you aren’t hurt at all!
Stranger: lets run to london
Stranger: thats where my house is
You: You are currently in London.
Stranger: i need to get the tube to my house
Stranger: to collect my belongings for the trip
You: Luckily, the tube is just outside the park.
You: You walk there, happy with your life.
You: While you are waiting for the train to arrive, you see a man stealing a woman’s purse. What do you do?
Stranger: i help her, even though im a girl and will porbly get stabbed in the proces
You: How do you help her?
You: The thief got the back towards you.
You: He struggles to get the purse, as the woman refuses to give it away so easily.
Stranger: i grab my pepper spray
Stranger: tap him on the shoulder
Stranger: spry it in his eyes
Stranger: he falls onto the rails
Stranger: and gets smushed
You: You say what you do, I tell what happens.
You: You can’t break the rules!
You: You spray the pepper spray in his eyes, and he yells: “My eyes, my beautiful eyes!”.
You: He wipes his eyes desperatly, with no effect.
You: He can not see your face, but he can make out your silhuette. He tackles you to the ground!
Stranger: i have a knife on me
You: He got your arms locked, you can’t reach it.
Stranger: i spit in his face
You: And you lost your pepper spray when you got tackled, and it rolled down on the tracks.
You: You ready a spit, and spits in his face.
You: He screams: “You fucking bitch, I am going to kill you!”.
You: He grabs his switchblade, leaving you with one free hand. What do you do? Quick! Time is of the matter!
Stranger: i grab his cratch!
You: You grab him by the balls, and squeeze them as hard as you can. It is so hard actually, that you would probably have gotten juice out of a rock!
Stranger: that dosent sound like me XD
You: The thief sounds like a thousand banshees being molested.
You: He falls over, and rolls around.
Stranger: i get up and stomp on his balls!
You: You can clearly see tears coming out of his eyes, but you don’t know if it is the pepper spray or manly tears. Probably a bit of both.
You: There ain’t no balls left, you crushed them.
Stranger: ad get my train
You: You walk into the train, which has now arrived.
Stranger: i sit next to a hobo
You: The woman picks up her purse outside, and follows you into the train.
You: There ain’t no hobos on the train, they are currently at the nearest shelter, getting soup.
You: Instead, the woman sits next to you.
You: She thanks you, and you can see her blushing. May she be interested in you, perhaps?
You: What do you say to her?
Stranger: erm sory luv, im not a lesibian
Stranger: ooo i need to peel some potatos
You: You can see the lady being a bit disappointed, but she quickly replies: “I didn’t ask if you were!”.
You: She blushes even more than before.
You: There is now an awkward silence between the two of you. Do you break it?
You: Woah, you forgot to go off at your stop!
You: The whole train is almost empty, but the lady sits still right next to you.
Stranger: i move away from the lady
You: You find another seat to sit on.
You: The lady follows you!
You: Has she some kind of mental problem?
Stranger: i threaten her with a boiled sweet
You: She is clearly not afraid of those.
You: She rips it out of your hands, and eats it.
Stranger: i get off at the next stop
Stranger: jesus i should of let the thief rob her
You: You get off at the next stop.
Stranger: i need to grab a bite to eat
You: The woman tries to follow you, but the doors closes before she can get off.
You: As the train rolls away, she blows at the window, and makes a heart.
You: She waves back, and you make out a tear running down her cheek.
Stranger: but flip her ff instead
You: You flip her the bird, and she now cries in her hands.
You: The lady is gone, for the rest of your life.
Stranger: im not a lesbian XD
You: You have never been at this stop before, but you see a dirty kebab shop.
You: You search your pockets, and you find Â£13!
Stranger: mmmmm i love kebab
You: Do you approach the shop?
Stranger: it should only be 3 pounds
Stranger: so yeah why not
You: You approach the stall, and you look at the menu.
You: Rat kebob: Â£1.4.
Cat kebob: Â£1.7
Dog kebob: Â£2.2
“Real” kebob: Â£2.8
Stranger: cat kebob ^^ mmmm
Stranger: and a dr pepper
Stranger: whats the worst that could happen eh?
You: You go to the counter, and you see a Turkish looking man, wearing a dirty sweatshirt, with a cigarette in his mouth, and it seems he hasn’t shaved for a while.
You: You say you want a cat kebob, and a Dr. Pepper.
You: He tells you he does not have a Dr. Pepper, but he has a Intern Salt.
Stranger: whats intern salt?
Stranger: what about mountain dew?
You: Intern Salt is somewhat similair to Dr. Pepper, only it’s made in a country you have never heard about before.
You: Atleast he tells you so.
Stranger: hmmm i think i’ll pass
You: So it will be a cat kebob?
Stranger: yes please im starving
You: You give the man Â£1.7, and he says that you will get your food shortly.
You: You stand there waiting, and you suddenly hear alot of weird noises behind the stall.
You: It sounds like a black metal band from Finland is playing behind the stall.
You: No matter, your food is ready now!
Stranger: no wait im a big fan of music
You: He gives you a plastic fork, and he wants it back when you are done. It looks like it has been used. Eeew.
You: You can no longer hear those weird noises.
Stranger: i’ll use my hands
You: You use your hands to eat the kebob with, and you make a mess all over your hands and clothes. Damn it.
You: You didn’t get any napkins, maybe you should ask for one?
Stranger: no i find a bathroom and clean up
You: You look around, but you can only see factories, and a long road with little traffic on it.
Stranger: i run into the oad and stop a car
You: You try to stop a car, but it speeds past you.
You: A biker from Bells Hangles stops, and ask if you need anything.
You: He is wearing shades, a bandana and a tight leather vest. He got tattooes of naked womans on his sleeve.
Stranger: i jump on his bike
Stranger: i have a hemlet in my beg
You: You tell him you want a lift, and he says: “Sure, jump on!”. You strap on your pink helm. It sure is weird what women fit in their bags.
Stranger: i have a carpet bag
You: As you drive off, he asks where you want to go.
Stranger: i wanna go to china
You: The biker replies: “China, huh? I guess I can take you to Heathrow.”.
Stranger: barrle roll donw the M1
You: Alright, you jump off, and you rolls down the M1. A Toyota Prius that has it’s throttle jammed runs you over.
You: The world goes black.
You: You wake up in the hospital, several days later.
You: The room is white, and quite boring. Much like a normal hospital.
Stranger: i pull out my UV drip
You: You see a mirror lying on the table beside you, along with a remote for the TV. A red string hangs behind you, and it says that if you pull it, a nurse will be sent to your room.
You: You pull out the UV-drip. Ouch!
Stranger: im in a hospital nighty
Stranger: i run down the corridoor
Stranger: and walk into a room
You: You try to stand up, but it seems like both of your legs are broken. Bummer.
You: You roll out of bed, and hit the floor.
You: You land on your bruised hand, and you can’t stop the “Ooooooowh, damn it!” from escaping your mouth.
You: Suddenly, a handsome male nurse comes into the room.
You: “Oh my, what are you doing out of bed, miss?”, he says.
Stranger: i was goin to get you i say
You: “Silly you”, he says. “You could have pulled the string.”
You: Although he looks quite weak, he manages to put you back to bed.
You: “Now, was there anything you wanted?”, he asks.
You: “I can’t do that, my hubby at home would be jealous”, he replies. “Maybe some food, or perhaps you want to check out what is on the television?”.
Stranger: i try and run for it again
You: You roll out of bed, and try not to hit your bruised arm. You land on your back, but now you hit your head.
You: The homosexual nurse looks at you curiously, and asks what you are doing.
Stranger: im trying to turn you hetrosexual
You: “Many have tried, but all has failed.”, he replies to you, the same time as he puts you back to bed.
Stranger: i drag him toward myself and kiss him
You: “You were badly hurt, you need stay still. Now, was there anything you wanted?”
You: You give him a big kiss on the mouth, and he pulls himself away.
You: “Stop that, young miss!”
You: He pulls the red string, and soon, an amazing nurse walks into the room.
You: Although you are a girl, you must admit it is the prettiest lady you have ever seen.
Stranger: this better not turn into an orgy
You: The homosexual nurse walks out of the room, leaving you in the female nurse’s care.
You: The nurse opens her mouth, and out comes the most soothing sound you have ever heard. “May I be of assistance, miss?”
Stranger: bring me a man who isnt gay please
Stranger: oh and whiles your at it
Stranger: get me some magic potion to get me out of this hell hole
You: We can’t have you molesting the staff here at the hospital, that is why I was sent here. Your doctor is quite cute, though.
You: “I’m afraid we don’t have any magic potions, but the doctors will do their best to get you back up and running.”
Stranger: well i dont wanna sty here
You: “Now, do you want something to eat while you wait?”
You: You got no option. You will be written out of the hospital in two weeks.
Stranger: well give me a time machine
Stranger: and take me two weeks into the future
You: “I’m afraid they haven’t been invented yet. I may turn on the TV, if you like? That will surely help time go by.”
You: The nurse turns on the TV, before you are able to answer.
Stranger: ive gott be on here for two weeks
You: This is what is on the television:
Channel 1: Rio Grande with John Wayne.
Channel 2: Deadliest Catch.
Channel 3: Home Improvement.
Channel 4: Simpsons.
Channel 5: A Fistful of Dollars.
Channel 6: Married With Children.
Channel 7: Family oriented documentaries.
You: You ask for her to switch to channel 2, and as the nurse sees the crabs, she is reminded of something she was going to tell you.
You: Suddenly, there is drama on the television!
You: A big wave knocks a man overboard, and he helplessly fights the waves.
Stranger: ffs! i have CRABS?
You: He is dragged under, and the crew yells: “Yaaay, he was such an asshole, good riddance!”
You: “You do. Sorry to say so.”, the nurse replies.
Stranger: your a fucking bitch! i spit in her face!
You: You spit at the nurse, but it doesn’t reach, as she is too far away. You end up spitting on your arm. The nurse giggles at you.
Stranger: im suddenly attracted to her
You: You notice she got the biggest cleavage you have ever seen. How do you proceed?
You: Fine, you notice she has nearly as big cleavage as you do. How do you proceed?
Stranger: i grab her hand
Stranger: pull her closer
You: You grab her hand, and pull her closer. You feel no resist in the nurse’s movements, it feels like she is moving closer towards you on her own.
You: Your lips meet, and you share a long kiss. As you make out, you can feel a warm hand slowly running up towards your thigh. She teases you, by making wonderful figures on in the area around your private parts.
Stranger: i suddenly realise that i am still stright and push her away
You: You push her away, and she lands on her butt. You can see her thong is wet with excitement. She looks at you with confused eyes.
You: You fall asleep, and ignores the screams of agony from the fishers on the television.
You: You are awoken by the most handsome man you have ever seen. It’s your doctor.
Stranger: is he still gay?
You: There is a difference between a nurse and a doctor, dear you.
You: The doctor is muscular, got short, brown hair, and got a 5 o’ clock shadow.
You: “Hello, miss. How are you feeling?”
Stranger: better now your here, do let your boss know that the nurse made a move on me last night
You: “My ears are delighted to hear that. Oh, about that. I have heard that you have been rude to the staff.”, he says, with a deep voice.
Stranger: how very dare you!
You: We got reports of assault, attempts to escape, seducing, and rude comments.
You: “You are giving this hospital a bad name. What do you have to say in your defence?”
Stranger: your making me so wet right now with you shouting at me with all your ruggedness
You: “I believe the nurse told you about the crabs? Well, it says here in your journal that you got some STDs too. I believe they may be the cause to you being wet right now. Do you want me to bring you some tissues?”
Stranger: i chew my wrists
Stranger: till the start spitting blood
You: The doctor drags away your arm, and yells: “Easy now, it was only a joke!”
You: “You don’t have crabs either, we got a sick sense of humour at this hospital. Sorry about that.”, he says.
Stranger: your a fucking dick!
You: “I am sorry..”, he tells you, with puppy eyes. “How can I make it good again?”
Stranger: but i must go now :(
Stranger: im about to have dinner
Stranger: this has been loads of fun though
You: “I find you pretty, young miss.”, the doctor says with his deep, sexy voice.
You: “You know, I make several millions each year.”.
Stranger: i must go now though :(
Stranger: this hase been so much fun
Stranger: whats you name btw?
You: The doctor leans over you, and you feel his penis throbbing against your genitalia. You feel faint, and a great pain suddenly strikes your right arm. You cling to your chest, and screams in pain.
You: “She’s having an heart attack”, the doctor screams. “Come help me!”.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.