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Archive for April, 2010

Ask Me Anything

April 3rd, 2010
4 comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hi
Stranger: ask me anything
You: hmm.
Stranger: go for it
You: ok.
You: what is the Bose–Einstein condensate? :P
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Aleks02 from Norway

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (53 votes, score: 4.51)
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It Is Carrying Henceforth Most Swimmingly

April 3rd, 2010
2 comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: skeet skeet
You: Y HALO THAR
Stranger: HALO MONSIEUR!
You: HAO IZ UR DAY ON TEH INTERWEB?
Stranger: INDUBITABLY, IT IS CARRYING HENCEFORTH MOST SWIMMINGLY.
Stranger: SKEET
You: MY DAY IS FINE TOO SIR
You: WHAT CARRIES U TO THIZ REMOTE LOCALE?
Stranger: WELL, MY FAIR MAIDEN, I ONCE RODE UPON A STEED TO SPY UPON A LADY.
You: WHAT DID UR EYEZ PARTAKE UPON?
Stranger: A DRAGON!
You: OH MY YOU DONT SAY?
Stranger: INDEED I DO. I HOPE YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF ASTRICKEN WITH ONCE A CASE OF THE VAPOURS.
You: AND WHAT OF THE LADY?
Stranger: SHE WAS EATEN.
You: OH MY!
You: WAS HER DEMISE OF MOST QUICKNESS?
Stranger: YES, IT IS SOMETHING I REGRET TO THIS DAY.
Stranger: INDEED IT WAS.
Stranger: THE DRAGON HAD BROILED HER FLESH ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.
You: WELL THAT MUCH WE SHALL BE THANKFUL FOR, THOUGH I BEG YOU NOT SAY MORE
Stranger: TWAS THE ONLY THING I COULD AS A GENTLEMAN TO EAT HER FLESH.
You: HOU HORRIFY ME SIR!
Stranger: I HOPE YOU NOT THINK OF MY AS A REVILING MONSTER.
You: HOW DARETH YOU?
Stranger: I COULD NOT LET THAT FOUL BEAST DEVOURETH HER! MY HEAVENS, COULDST YOU IMAGINE THE UPROAR?
Stranger: MY FAIR LADY’S HONOUR STRICKEN IN SUCH A MANNER?
You: HAVE YOU MAKETH ANY ATTEMPT TO SAVE THE DAMSEL
Stranger: BUT OF COURSE.
Stranger: DO NOT THINK OF ME AS A COWARD.
You: HOW DID YOU TAKE UPON THIS TASK SO SPECIAL?
Stranger: IT HAD JUST SO HAPPENED THAT I WAS STRUCKEN WITH A CASE OF ENNUI.
Stranger: WHEN ANON! INTO MY VIEW, I SPOTTED THIS FLYING HORRORICITY!
Stranger: IT WAS MY GOD-GIVEN DUTY!
You: MY GOD!
You: HOW DID YOU COMBAT DARINGLY THIS MOST CREATURE OF LEGENDS?
Stranger: WITH COLD STEEL.
Stranger: AND MY FAITHFUL STEED, RICKY MARTIN.
You: AND FLAMING FIRE HAD YOU ANY?
Stranger: RICKY MARTIN WAS FLAMING, WITH CERTAINTY, THAT I CAN GUARANTEE, MY KNAVE.
You: DEAR GOD? SURELY THAT IS HOW HE NATRUALLY IS, AS FLAME TO SKIN IS NOUGHT OF FAIR HEALTH
Stranger: INDEED
You: A HORSE OF FLAMING SKIN IS AUGHT A GOOD COMPANION INDEED
Stranger: HE WAS STRICKEN WITH THE FEVER AS A YOUNGLING
Stranger: THIS CRUDE WOOD CARVING EMBARKS MY ADVENTURES http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=336
You: I DARE NOT TRAVEL TO YONDER HYPERLINK, AS I FEAR ILL ATTEMPTS UPON MY LIFE LIE OVER FAR HILL
Stranger: NOTHING GREAT CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED WITHOUT RISK, MADAME.
You: ARE YOU ERR MORE! ALAS I AM A LAD YOU MISTAKE ME FOR.
Stranger: I DO NOT COMPREHEND, YOUNG WENCH.
Stranger: THOU ART A LASS.
You: MY GOD HATH YOU BEEN STRICKEN WITH FEVER OR BLINDLESS?
You: IT IS QUITE MY CLARITY I AM LA LAD.
Stranger: WHAT KNAVERY!
You: LEST SUCH A WITCH HATH TRANSFORMED ME.
Stranger: KNAVERY INDUBITABLY HATH OCCURRED!
Stranger: GENTLEMEN! LET US RIDE TO CORRECT THIS MOST HEINOUS INJUSTICE!
You: AND YOU HATH ONE WENCH OF KNAVERY TO ACCOMPANY THOU!
Stranger: THOU ART MAD!
Stranger: STRUCKEN WITH THE FEMALE HYSTERIA, NO DOUBT.
Stranger: YOU MUST SEE THE APOTHECARY ANON!
You: LET US RIDE TO BRING JUSTICE TO AFOREMENTIONED DRAGON AND FOUL WITCH OF SEXTRANSFORMATION
You: LET SEEK US HTE APOTHECARY!
Stranger: IT IS
Stranger: TOO LATE
Stranger: I FEAR
You: BUT I HATH BEEN STRICKEN WITH HYSTERIA!
Stranger: IT SEEMS AS THOUGH I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY SLAIN AND DEVOURED ANOTHER MAIDEN
Stranger: WHY MUST I BE STRUCK WITH THIS CURSE!
You: WHAT IN THE NAME OF?
You: THOU MUST BE THE DRAGON WE SEEKEST!
You: WHAT KNAVERY!
Stranger: WHAT KNAVERY?
Stranger: I DIDN’T MEAN TO!
Stranger: I JUST WANTED IT TO SNOW!
You: TARRY NOT SEARCHING FOR A CURE!
Stranger: I THOUGHT TWOULD BE NAUGHT BUT A SMALL POOF
You: FOR I SHALL DEVOUR YOU MYSELF
Stranger: NOT IF SAY IN THIS MATTER, I HAVE
Stranger: UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, MAIDEN, I DO!
You: I TAKETH UPON ME YOUR BLADE, SO I MIGHT BANISH YOU WITH SACRED-SWORD
You: ALAS FOR I AM QUICKET THAN THOU!
Stranger: THIS HAS NO EFFECT
You: THOUGH THOU MIGHT BE MORE DEXTEROUS!
Stranger: I ONLY CAN BE STUNG WITH A VORPAL SWORD
Stranger: OF WHICH YOU ARE SORELY LACKING!
Stranger: BWAHAHAHAHAHA
You: THEN THIS VORPAL SWORD I SHALL SEEK
You: FOR I KNOW THE LAIR OF THE BEAST IN WHICH VORPAL-SWORD DWELLS
Stranger: UNFORTUNATELY FOR THOU, MY QUEEN, LADY GAGA, HAS MELTED DOWN THE SWORD!
You: I SHALL FIND THE SACRED BLADE, AND CUT DEEP YOUR HIDE NONETHELESS.
You: IF NOTHER SWORD I SHALL REQUIRE, NOTHER SWORD I SHALL SEEK, AND NOTHER SWORD I SHALL FIND.
Stranger: THERE IS NO OTHER.
You: THOU ART DAFT! MY COUSIN OF OLD COLLECTS CUTTING DRAGON BLADES OF SHARP!
Stranger: SON OF A BITCH!
You: A WENCHES SON YOU OUGHT ARE MY FOE OF EVIL!
Stranger: THINE MOTHER TWAS A LADY OF THE NIGHT
You: AND TWINE MOTHER HATH BORNE MANY SUCH WOMEN!
Stranger: I CALL UPON THE POWER OF THE LARGE HARDON COLLIDER!
Stranger: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME!
You: WHEREST YOU OBTAIN SUCH POWER?
You: I SEEK THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE LARGE HARD-ON COLLIDER.
Stranger: MINE SORCERY IS NOT OF YOUR CONCERN, MY LADY.
Stranger: JUST KNOW THAT WHENCEFORTH YOUR TIME IS DONE
You: YOU ERR FURTHER! I AM A LAD, THOU KNAVERY HATH AFFLICTED ME!
Stranger: SOMEBODY HAS SET UP US THE BOMB!
You: NO!
You: YOU ERR!
You: ALL YOUR CASTLES ARE BELONG TO MY KINGDOM?!
Stranger: WHAT KNAVERY?
You: INDEED IT IS!
Stranger: wait, what is going on here?
You: I CURSE YOU!
Stranger: what are you people doing?
Stranger: i leave my computer alone for 10 minutes
Stranger: mein gott im himmel
You: THOU BEWILDERETH ME SIR!
Stranger: why are you talking like that?
Stranger: who are you?
You: THOU HAS BEEN AFFLICTED WITH BEWILDERMENT! DOTH THOU NOT REMEMBER THINE CRIMES?
Stranger: crimes?
Stranger: what the fuck are you talking about, Walter?
Stranger: what crimes?
Stranger: YOU MUST BE STRICKEN WITH A CASE OF FEMALE HYSTERIA!
You: YOU NOUGHT REMEMBER! THOU ART A DRAGON!
You: FEAR ME!
Stranger: TO THE MIDWIFE AT ONCE, FOR A MASSAGE OF YOUR NETHER REGIONS!
You: FOR I HAVE FOUND VORPAL-SWORD IN THINE ABSENCE!
Stranger: NO!
Stranger: I CANNOT BE DEFEATED!
You: YOU SHALL BE SECONDED!
Stranger: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
You: I BANISH YOU TO THE INTH HELL WYRM OF EVIL FIRE!
Stranger: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
You: AND TAKETH A WORD AWAY WITH YOU
Stranger: WHAT WORD IS THAT, KNAVE?
You: FOR THOU HATH DOTH LOSE THE GAME FOR ALL ETERNITY!
Stranger: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Stranger: THOU ARE THE MOST VILEST HAG OF A WITCH OF ALL FOREVERMORE!
You: CONTEMPLATE THIS IN THINE HOUR OF DEFEAT
You: WHAT IS 1/0?
Stranger: DIVIDING BY ZERO?
Stranger: YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL!
You: I BELEIVE I HEAR THE CLASHES OF DISTANT THUNDER…
You: MY GODS.
You: WHAT IS THAT?!!!
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Alex R. From USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (76 votes, score: 4.47)
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Linguist Nazi

April 3rd, 2010
5 comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: what’s up
You: well…
Stranger: go on
You: i dont know..outer space….
You: is that the countersign?
Stranger: actually I was using an idiom
You: Ah, an idiom….
You: I thought we were pretending to be spooks.
Stranger: so you see your response, while correct, was never the less improper
You: Apologies stranger…
You: I meant not to offend…Verily i swear this…
You: My cat can vouch for my trustworthiness
Stranger: your faux-antiquated speech is not appreciated.
You: Aww…you wound me
Stranger: an thou wouldst, desist; ye senden wie be fair sport long.
You: If it does not please your ear to hear my faux antiquated babble
You: why dont you suggest something else…
Stranger: I always prefer, if given the choice, to read properly punctuated, grammatically correct text.
Stranger: Is that within your power to provide?
You: it is
You: I beg to differ on one point.
Stranger: What point is that?
You: Faux antiquated text can easily be grammatically correct and properly punctuated.
You: I get away with writing faux antiquated poetry easily enough.
Stranger: But such words as “verily” and “it does not please your ear” sound incongruous to the gourmand of modern speech.
You: Touche! Yet does not such speech break the dull monotony of “hi! asl, lets cyber.?
Stranger: I find that proper grammar and punctuation are sufficient to quell these bores.
You: True enough.
You: Though Inotice that you too have a predilection for antiquated wording.
You: “Quell” isnt exactly in common usage today.
Stranger: Anyway, please tell me your age, sex, and current location so that we may engage in cybersex.
You: You mean to make offense?
You: Or, do you perhaps jest?
Stranger: That is precisely my intention, yes.
You: -fingers hilt of rapier-
Stranger: -fingers barrel of gun-
You: -fingers handle of cleverly concealed holdout blaster-
Stranger: -fingers detonator for cleverly placed remote mines-
You: -fingers buttons on portable minesweeeper-
Stranger: -fingers radio for calling backup-
You: -fingers comlink for callin in airstrike-
Stranger: -fingers box of eclairs for making peace-
You: -fingers slice of well cooked nerf-
Stranger: -fingers your girlfriend-
You: -force chokes your closest relations-
Stranger: -remembers the force isn’t real-
You: -fingers industry-level laser-
Stranger: -commits suicide-
You: -fingers the lord’s hotline-
You: -Calls upon hellish minions to resuscitate the corpse-
Stranger: -repents with dying breath and goes to heaven, thus obviating minions’ efforts-
You: -leads hellish armies in a siege of heaven’s gates-
Stranger: -JESUS RETURNS AND SAVES EVERYBODY GAME OVER-
You: -fingers hold out blaster and vaporizes Jesus-
You: (Din’t see that coming did you?)
Stranger: aha! but you forget that even in his mortal form, jesus had advanced healing!
Stranger: Resurrection Jesus has leveled his healing to the point of immunity.
You: -fingers massacre- (global spells ignore immunity to targeting
You: (jesus gets -2, -2)
Stranger: but you forget that Jesus will cast global Endspell once the tribulation is in full swing
Stranger: since you summoned hellfiends to attack, that gives him enough spells to sacrifice
Stranger: Earth is granted the spell immunity buff
You: -summons the daleks-
You: (acting through a half-cybernetic third party helps circumvent immunity to direct actions)
Stranger: Jesus has 20+ diplomacy though
Stranger: he attempts to engage daleks in peaceful resolution
You: -daleks say – Exterminate, Exterminate-
Stranger: Jesus’ diplomacy has no effect! the Daleks are not receptive.
Stranger: Jesus rolls to cast solar flare from his sun control card.
You: -dalek warships land on the earth and begin to spew out millions of units-
You: (if we die the earth goes with it0
You: (with us)
You: (apologies for the error)
Stranger: jesus rolls a twenty, solar flare lvl 5 is cast from the Sun control card
Stranger: global spell immunity reflects on jesus, who takes -20 and regens +20
You: -The earth is rosted in a spectacular inferno-
You: – a lone Dalek escapes by hijacking the TARDIS.
Stranger: hold up now
Stranger: Jesus cast global Endspell for spell reflect
Stranger: that’s all legit
Stranger: earth and all players with Earth allegiance are unaffected
You: -blast-
You: -unsummons the Dalek and uses remaining mana to summon the Flying Spaghetti Monster-
Stranger: dammit FSM’s absurdist power has a roll to manadrain Jesus every turn!
You: -Flying Spaghetti Monster touches jesus with noodly appendage, converting him to Pastafarianism-
Connection imploded.

Submitted by Leo from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (47 votes, score: 4.57)
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World War II Dogfight

April 3rd, 2010
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: the enemy aircraft are approacing and will soon be on your 6 what do you do?
Stranger: bank hard left
You: you bank hard left the enemy efferghously keeps pace and begins to draw lead
Stranger: I panic and dive steeply
You: as you dive for the deck the g forces press you into the back of your seat, the enemy aircraft are detered because your p-47 thunderbolt is better at diving than nazi bf-109′s
You: you pull out in a crushing 6 g’s barely above tree top level you see an elderly german farmer flipping you the bird but he soon fades into the distance which is what happens when your flying ant 300 feet
You: *at
Stranger: I check my 6
You: you check your six nothing is directly behind you excpt for a large cloud of startled birds from the trees however on your 3 o clock a german fighter is diving while fireing at you
Stranger: I attempt to perform a half cuban eight
You: you failed
Stranger: damn
Stranger: I was never too good at these choose you own endings
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Jeremy from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (19 votes, score: 4.16)
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Leauge of Batmen

April 3rd, 2010
No comments
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello
Stranger: Hey there.
You: Who might you be?
Stranger: I’m Stranger, Stranger.
You: Ah, but I am Batman, Stranger
Stranger: Batman would never reveal himself to anyone!
Stranger: Unless…
You: I will and I do. I say it all the time. I AM BATMAN
Stranger: the person he was talking to knew he was Batman!
You: Stranger are you related to the Riddler of the Joker?
You: *or
Stranger: But only a master detective could know that he was Batman before he revealed himself
Stranger: So…
You: What nefarious plan do you hold for Gotham City, Stranger?
Stranger: I must also be Batman!
Stranger: I don’t have any nefarious plans, Batman.
Stranger: I’m Batman.
You: Hmm. I guess we could form a league or something….
You: but I have defeated most of Gotham’s bad guys…
Stranger: A League of Batmen?
Stranger: Well the we’ll have to get bigger!
Stranger: The Galactic League of Batmen!
Stranger: The GLB!
You: With the bag guys gone, what I’m saying is that the league might end up being more like a pool club
You: *bad
Stranger: Well I do like pool.
You: Yes me too don’t get me wrong. I was really hoping you were a new bad guy… Where do you think we can find some?
Stranger: I hear Central City’s pretty bad.
Stranger: That and Coast City.
You: Hmmm, I have get a whole new crime-fighting licence
You: but I guess it can be done
You: Batman: Central City. It will be like CSI
Stranger: Except with less one-liners.
You: Can I still “Kapow!” there do you think?
Stranger: Unless you’re Brave and the Bold Batman.
Stranger: Then there’ll be plenty of one-liners.
You: Ok Batman – well I think that’s the plan then. I’ll move to Central City and clear it up a bit. You sort out Coast City. We leave another Batman here
You: We’ll have a conference once a year.
You: For training and seminars and stuff
Stranger: Will our conference have a name?
Stranger: BatCon?
You: Batcon
You: Ding!
Stranger: True Batmen think alike.
You: Great minds, Batman, great minds
Stranger: And again.
You: Oh, and don’t bother getting a “Robin” that really didn’t work out here
Stranger: Who, Jason?
You: Grrrrr. That name still makes me mad. Do you get Alfred or do I?
Stranger: You can have Alfred.
Stranger: I get Michael Caine.
You: Ok thanks. Really, no one else can press my shirts like he can. Top butler.
Stranger: No problem, Batman.
You: Well Batman, we should part ways here. Take the fight to the enemy and all that
Stranger: Yeah I guess.
Stranger: I am the night and all that.
You: See you at Batcon though! Miami here we come! Woohoo!!
Stranger: Until then, Batman!
You: Remember I am Batman. And now so are you.
You: Peace out
Stranger: Bat-Peace.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Brian from UK

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (23 votes, score: 4.00)
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