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Archive for March, 2010

No Manners

March 30th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am not saying hi, i dont have manners..
Stranger: wtf
Stranger: do u say bye?
You: yes
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Kris from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (48 votes, score: 3.73)
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Honest Cybering

March 30th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Ready for the test?
Stranger: test
Stranger: ?
You: Yes, the test.
Stranger: is it true false
You: Before we start, where are you from?
Stranger: US
You: Excellent
You: Male(probably), 22 seeks equally probable Female (19+) for vague flirting.
It is equally probable that I am a horny lesbian or bi girl.
You: So, yes, it is sort of true/false.
Stranger: mmmm bi girl
You: I’d say that was a pass
You: Well done!
Stranger: y thank you
You: You’re the first.
Stranger: well true lesbian dont come on the internet
Stranger: they stay in packs
You: It’s the internet. There are no women on here.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: truemy friend
You: Wanna do some vague flirting?
You: I’m sort of touching your, err, arm or whatever.
Stranger: ummm i petting your hair
Stranger: thats good right?
You: Ooh yeah baby.
Stranger: crap my ring is stuck
Stranger: hold still
You: Ow.
You: Don’t pull on it! you’ll make it worse!
You: hang on….
You: ok got it
Stranger: ok sorry about that
You: It’s fine
You: Now take me in a way that isn’t clearly defined!
You: I want it vague!
You: Throw me on the floor! or not.
Stranger: ok i try to pick you
Stranger: awwww stub my toe
Stranger: why is that chair there
You: Yeah baby! I’m probably touching myself right now as far as you know!
You: The unclear purpose of that chair really makes me hot!
You: I didn’t even put it there! It’s from the kitchen!
You: It’s like someone might have been changing a bulb or something!
You: OOooh Yeeeeaaaah!
Stranger: well you should have moved it
You: Ok it’s gone
Stranger: i undo my zipper crap stuck….little help
You: Here, let me try…
You: No, that things good and stuck.
You: hmmm
Stranger: becare theses are new
You: oh if they’re new they probably just need a bit of WD40
You: hang on i’ve got some in my toolbox.
Stranger: wait they cost 50 bucks
You: Or have I?….
Stranger: maybe
Stranger: ok they had them on sale
Stranger: cost me 15
You: Oooooooh now i’m stroking my heaving breasts and tweaking my perky nipples! You like that? Or I’m touching my cock if i’m a man which is equally probable at this juncture. Don’t worry though, i’m totally not.
You: I could be a sophisticated Turing Machine with an irresponsible programmer.
You: I’m not though.
You: I’m getting off the subject.
Stranger: i am some toching my big penis which i could be lieing about
Stranger: most guys would i guess when they do this
You: That’s the spirit!
You: Now my flatmate shows up unexpectedly…
Stranger: o hello
You: I’ll let you choose the possible male/female status of the flatmate
Stranger: sorry i ate that apple heard it was your after th fact
You: he/she’s fine with it
You: however her fetish is tediously specific kinky chat…
Stranger: i ask her if wants to join us in the sex thats about to take place in the room a 11:30
You: you lightly stroke the upper region of the aereola on his/her left breast/pectoral through her blouse/his sleevless tartan lumberjack shirt with the first metacarpal of your right index finger.
You: oh she’s a girl?
You: righto.
You: she loves it
You: she let out a moan around the 120hz frequency range
Stranger: I get my pants off about time mind you
You: sorry
You: I said I liked it vague
Stranger: i cover my ears my god
You: I hate it when I know exactly what’s going on.
Stranger: i look at you i might go down on you or i might make out with her for a while
You: In the confusion I think I *might* have cum, but i’m only, like 45% sure, so i’d have to check
You: like schrodinger’s cat, but with spunk
You: i mean lady juice, or whatever
You: you start getting it on with my flatmate
Stranger: i go limp crap
You: I wander off probably
Stranger: this never happens
You: or not
You: happens to me all the time, she’s gorgeous
Stranger: can u get me a drink if your done?
You: they always go for her eventually.
You: Sure? Cuppa Tea?
Stranger: what u brits drink tea
Stranger: yea
You: I might have some Coors or Miller light in a cooler that i’m not sure exists.
Stranger: What is with you guys an tea any way
You: I’ll go check
You: She’s playing Sousa’s Star-Spangled Banner on your junk while i’m gone
Stranger: i get borad of her an go finsh my self in your bathroom
You: Yeah, she’s pretty, but she can’t give head for shit.
You: I found a half bottle of Bud Light, it’s a bit flat, but it’s still good
Stranger: Thanks i guess
You: Want it?
You: That’s cool.
Stranger: Your friend ok she’s still jut standing there
You: Yeah, she’s just an abstraction, she doesn’t really have a purpose outside of kinky vague-porn
You: Technically I think that makes her a sex robot.
Stranger: yea well cheers a
You: yeah bye or whatever.
Stranger: fun time maybe
Stranger: i guess
You: You have no idea…
Stranger: till next time maybe….most likey want remmber each other the whole You Stranger thing
You: I’ll always treasure the near complete lack of any details, and wish I could tell the story at parties.
Stranger: any reason to touch my self is good to me
You: It’s been like a porno version of ‘Memento’.
Stranger: right
You: But without that chick from ‘The Matrix’
You: or that guy from ‘The Matrix’
Stranger: just wondering if i make me gay that might have cyberd with a guy just now
You: Or that other guy who was in ‘Home and Away’, or was it ‘Neighbours’?
You: Don’t look at me, you got a hummer from a sex-bot while I went looking for beer.
You: I can’t even be sure if I was touching myself!
You: This is kind of like ‘The Cube’ as well, in as much as I have no idea what’s going on.
You: No, it doesn’t make you gay.
Stranger: Boooom love that movie
Stranger: thank god
You: The sequels are pretty good too
Stranger: theres a rd one
Stranger: 3
You: Well ‘Cube Zero’ is anyway
You: It’s sick
Stranger: this has te be the most random vhat ever
You: I agree
Stranger: Gay sex *mabye still not sure if your a guy* an nerd talk a…ll in one
You: The gift that keeps on giving…
Stranger: wait gay sex or nerd talk?
You: both
You: always both
Stranger: I might want to change my life choice
Stranger: Your not with 4 chan are you?
You: Nah, just avoid putting yourself in situations involving quantum flux
Stranger: asshole killed the guy from the first in the first seen of the second Asholes
You: They clear up a lot of loose ends in the third one.
You: you should get it
You: seriously dude, you’ll shit
Stranger: Netflix
You: Boomshanka!
Stranger: but any freind gota go get ready for work
You: It’s been a real pleasure.
Stranger: need a shower…..hot i guess i your a girl…..or if u in to guys what ever
Stranger: like wise
Stranger: i shall miss this
You: hot and bi girl remember
Stranger: there we go
You: don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Stranger: good day may the chat god match use a agian
You: au revoir mon petit chou!
Stranger: our code word shall be cube
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Rob from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (49 votes, score: 4.06)
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Illuminated Draconian

March 25th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Male 16 :D
You: hey
You: this will probably sound weird, but I am from space
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: how is it up there :D
You: I am typing from the draco nebula right now
You: its dark, and moist
Stranger: like a womans reproductive organ?!
You: yes, moist.. humans dont realise the moisture levels of the outer regions of the galaxy
You: no, more like the octagon opening of a femular rubakon
Stranger: well one would assume they would be like snow
Stranger: as it is quite cold out there
You: the one who imagines that is at error
Stranger: why is thuis?
You: because snow is an illusory construct of the human imagination
You: there is no snow
You: the snow is in your mind
Stranger: oh well if theres snow in my mind
Stranger: no wonder theres snow in my mind
You: more developed speciec like us have of course broken free of this juvenile playground of the mind and stepped into the realm of illumination
Stranger: cool
Stranger: so in other words
Stranger: youv just had LOTS of acid
Stranger: and know your trippin ballz :D
You: you guys have blood, we have acid flowing through our tubes
You: not the bad acid, the good Albert Hoffman acid
Stranger: kool
You: ah, good old Albert, he was one of us
Stranger: you could sell your blood
Stranger: for lotz
You: as expected we have already taken advantage of a similar oppurtunity, as we are more developed and intelligent, by selling human blood as soft drinks to young draconians
Stranger: mmm i do love human blood
Stranger: especially in scrupious quantities
You: only mongoloid blood is good enough
You: that much, you should know
Stranger: well i do my fair share of blood drinking
You: I enjoy the casuality of your response
You: as an intelligent species of space we are very accustomed to novel conversations with human entities
You: and you rank in the lower 4 on a scale of 1 to 100
You: it is a good result for a human
You: you should be proud
You: now, enjoy your cardiac arrest.. good bye
Stranger: i am
Stranger: oh there goes my heart
Stranger: oh and look
Stranger: my liver
Stranger: just eploded
You: sorry, no witnesses
You: must live
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Ludwig from Germany

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (20 votes, score: 2.60)
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Instant Disconnect Situation

March 25th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey
Stranger: hi
You: ever been aroused by watching ducks eat bread?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Bamba from Sweden

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (103 votes, score: 4.57)
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It’s Normal

March 25th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: is it weird that my mom helps me masturbate because i broke both my arms and i cant do it myself?
You: My mom does that too, but my arms aren’t broken
Stranger: okay im so glad im not alon
You: yea
You: it’s normal
Stranger: thats a reflief
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Lauren from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (50 votes, score: 4.10)
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