You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Im from Mercury
You: hmm can u evolve into blue?
Stranger: We are like your chameleon species
Stranger: we can change our colour at will
You: what color u wear the most
Stranger: I like grey though. It compliments my eyes.
You: what sex are you then?
Stranger: We are all one homogenous gender.
You: and what is your position in mercury? I mean civilian, soldier, scientist?
Stranger: I am a foreign affairs officer.
You: what do you have to do?
Stranger: It is my role to stay in the current with what is happening in interplanetary relations
Stranger: Thats why I am talking to you today.
Stranger: I have a few questions that I am currently struggling with
Stranger: Maybe you can help me?
Stranger: The very future of our galaxy may depend upon it
You: do I have to fill a form or something?
Stranger: Its okay You can write it out on here
Stranger: this form will be processed back in our home world
Stranger: 1. It has come to our attention that a very infectious disease is currently rampant on Earth. Could you please tell us what you know about Genital Warts?
Stranger: Being a homogenous gender we are unfamilair with the fundemental pathology of this disease
You: It is caused by not having sexual intercourse for too long. From what I hear. It causes blod clots in the veins in genitalia and human body rots from the inside until the infection spreads to the heart which pumps the blood (like an engine or something) and when the main parts of the heart rots too much it stops working and the body dies.
Stranger: I must admit I feared something like this could happen…
You: hmm officer, you think our species could be endangered by this?
You: Because I think I should warn the goverment or something. They must start advertising sex
Stranger: It is definately of concern.
Stranger: Our superior itnelligence to your species mean we try to preserve you, much liek you preserve animals within a zoo.
You: I see. Well is your people concerned to help us?
Stranger: It may be we will have to take 2 humans and continuously make them procreate to ensure the continued health of the human race.
You: you see the structure of the human genes is that this action might cause genetic mutations. I mean when siblings are mating
Stranger: I have read about this. In a research paper on Earth by professer Xavier?
Stranger: He studied in great detail possible genetic mutations.
You: Yes, but noone updated his paper after he died and it is a little outdated
You: Jean Grey was suppose to continue his work, but since she is out of her mind we cannot allow this.
Stranger: Most unfortunate
Stranger: Professor Xavier possibly died of genital warts.
You: I am pretty sure he did, because he was in a wheel chair and his genitalia couldn’t process the needed functions
Stranger: The wheel chair is one of humanitys greatest inventions
You: The press explained his death to people as if some “magneto” had killed him to not cause massive panic you see
Stranger: we have a museum on our hoem World to exhibit the wheel chair in all it’s glory.
Stranger: Little alien children come and sit on them and turn all Pink in excitement. it is quite a site.
You: hmm are you talking about THE wheel chair of Xaviers?
Stranger: We purchased it off an Internet website.
Stranger: Hmm so you believe the government has been covering up the threat of genital warts for this long?
Stranger: Those government people could cover anything up.
You: I think the goverment tried to outmatch you, but they never had the chance. I believe their position amongts citizens is weakening day by day.
You: I am just afraid, because I don’t know how long is this lie going to last. The revolution might start any day.
You: You will have to connect to the new presidents and make new alliences.
Stranger: This process is already underway humanid
Stranger: We Have one final question for you
You: I am more than happy to help save the galaxy
Stranger: Yes. It is of mutual interest to both of our races.
Stranger: 2. Why do round pizzas come in square boxes?
Stranger: Our greatest minds have been puzzling over this question for many years
Stranger: we feel the answer may hold the key to understanding humanity.
You: Oh this is easy to explain. It’s biological tho and I don’t know if you know enough about the human anatomy.
The problem lies within the eye. Or rather the brain part called cerebrum. It controls the eye and the information received. You see the round shaped box might not be seen with the naked eye.
You: If eyes are not enhanced through a way of surgery, humans cannot see the round boxes. It is this way that the evolution made us.
You: There is another interesting aspect. No human can reach his elbow with his tongue.
Stranger: I have just received a trans galactic radio signal from Mercury
You: Also because somewhere in the evolution some genetic error got mixed up in the brain.
Stranger: They say a mass clinical trial will beging at 0000 Tomorrow in GMT.
Stranger: One million humans will be brought away from Earth to be trialled with round and square pizzas.
Stranger: If the square pizza may be seen this could save millions of your Earth lives
Stranger: and counter the threat of genital warts.
Stranger: Yes we know about the elbow and the tongue.
Stranger: Thank you for your co operation.
You: What do you think must I do? Should I inform any authorities?
Stranger: Your authorities will be made aware of your contributions.
Stranger: Expect a medallion in the post.
You: I bow to your greatness oh mighty Mercurian.
Stranger: I am glad we could communicate effectively. I have not spoken English for many clicks
Stranger: Especially a limited and crude form of English as befits you.
You: English in not my native tongue but I hope you understood what I had in mind.
Stranger: Your nation is proud. If clinical trials can solve this problem a statue shall be erected in our mightiest courtyards!
Stranger: Oh? We could have communicated in your native dialect.
Stranger: Never mind. I shall remember this for future correspondance.
You: Only a small portion of population knows my dialect.
You: Could the earthlings expect a contact from your leaders any time soon?
Stranger: Our ships are square in design you see.
Stranger: But we are always watching you.
You: You could send a radio message.
You: That would be welcome.
You: The humans are trying to reach other civilizations for hundreds of years. But I know it is not possible with this pathetic technology level that we are in
You: Not for another 400,000 years.
Stranger: Do not insult us in this fashion. Our wise and immortal dialect can nto be tainted on what you call the radio. Next to Your “Musical” Songs by Avril Lavigne and such.
Stranger: You are merely like monkeys in a zoo.
Stranger: Could a monkey reach space? No
You: Do you have a death penalty ?
Stranger: I do not understand the nature of your enquiry
You: If you think avril lavigne is bad, try launching lady gaga’s songs to mercurians on death sentence
You: A death penalty is a punishment when you take the life of a criminal for a really hard crime.
Stranger: I will forward your request to the relevant criminal department.
Stranger: They have been using an old tape of The Bangles for many years now.
You: Tho I do not know how you will test it, because if heard by a normal ear it might melt your brains in seconds
You: Unless you have a mind shield or any kind of protection
Stranger: There is one among us who can test this.
You: Then I am glad if you take my preposition into consideration.
Stranger: His hearing was mutilated in an attack by a Ear Canal Mutilating Insectoid.
Stranger: Yes it shall be done.
You: Oh my! But you know the saying: That which does not kill you – makes you stronger.
Stranger: We believe this term is what is called “optimism”
Stranger: Our logical braisn understand this sentiment to be a lie.
You: Your species seem to be extremely intelligent.
You: Is there a way to get at least a tiny portion of your knowledge for an average human being?
Stranger: We have tasted the knowledge of a thousand galaxies.
You: Let me guess – we have the weakest one.
Stranger: From my experience yes.
Stranger: But you do try ever so hard
Stranger: This survey has know been completed.
You: I am glad that I could aid you.
Stranger: Yes. It is a great honour bestowed upon you. You have dealt with this great responsibility admirably
You: I now want to step outside and inject poison into my system.
Stranger: Thank you. Good bye.
Stranger: Whatever doesnt kill you
Stranger: Only makes you stronger
You: haha! OPTIMISM!!!! You lie to me :/
Your conversational partner has disconnected.