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Archive for February, 2010

Space Tales

February 28th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: Sulu set a course for the laurentian system, maximum warp…
Stranger: and hello! engage
You: this is uhh, cammander of the USS …..
You: enterprise?
Stranger: speaking
You: u have orders to return to base immiedietly
Stranger: on whose authority?
You: by the….
You: federation HQ
Stranger: must be serious.
You: It is
Stranger: thank you, (turns) helm.. cancel medical rescue mission, reverse course.
You: haha
Stranger: another ship must have gotten the anti cancer serum to that planet full of children.
You: nope
Stranger: good to know…. captain’s log….. we are en route back to earth.
You: i mean.. negative
Stranger: for some much needed shore leave.
You: u are not gonna have shore leave
You: only orbit around
You: earth
Stranger: i see.. are we assuming a defensive position?
You: no
You: the federation has no use of u
You: therefore just put u on standby
Stranger: sounds like a plan, admiral.we’ll put the holodecks to good use.
You: alright
You: incoming, 2 klingon bird of prey xD
Stranger: ….oh, good! General Gowron has brought in my illegal shipment of romulan ale!
You: what?!
Stranger: tonight, admiral.. we drink… for tomorrow.. we’ll be in earth orbit… getting absolutely hammered
You: Sir, these are 2 ENEMY klingons
Stranger: i was expecting the klingon cruiser , but not so soon.
Stranger: admiral… do you know what year it is?
You: what do u mean/
Stranger: *taps combadge* SECURITY to the bridge. (two guards step forward)
Stranger: phasers on stun gentlemen
You: what?
Stranger: you’re not the admiral…
You: o shi-
You: *runs*
Stranger: I said… you’re no admiral .. oh shoot.. there he goes…
Stranger: light him up boys….
You: *dodges*
Stranger: we’ve got you cornered
You: gets phaser out, hold to gunpoint
You: *on kill*
Stranger: The two guards fire.
You: and stun me, bu tthen i hit one of them
Stranger: I’m eating an apple, in my captain’s chair, watching, amused.
You: ahaahhah
Stranger: oh no.. you killed ensign smith.
You: *still stunned*
Stranger: You’re going to Pentathor prison.
Stranger: they raep you with icicles at night.
You: *wakes up all so suddenly*
You: kills other gaurd
Stranger: on the Ura Pentay penal colony
You: :O
Stranger: *you wake up in a forcefield cell, in the brig*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Erik from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (14 votes, score: 3.86)
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Semi-owned

February 28th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
You: a wild abra appeared!!
Stranger: Old joke is old.
You:
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Killjoy from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (16 votes, score: 3.69)
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Lionel Messi The Troll

February 28th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: helloo
You: Hey
You: Do you agree that Lionel Messi looks like a troll?
Stranger: yes, totally
You: I think they pay him in diamonds and other precious stones
Stranger: yeaahh
Stranger: :Ö)
You: Which he takes to his pit to polish and caress
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by EfgX1 from Spain

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (10 votes, score: 3.60)
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It Rubs The Milk on It’s Skin or Else It Get’s The Hose Again

February 28th, 2010
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: 12-6 cloud
You: huh?
Stranger: 12-6 cloud?
Stranger: Yes or no?
You: Yes!
You: Absolutely!
Stranger: NO!
You: YES!
Stranger: You lost! :(
You: FUCK
You: What the shit do I do now?
Stranger: >:D
You: TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO MAN
You: IM FREAKING OUT
Stranger: GET IN THE FRIDGE IMMEDIATELY!
You: WHY
You: WHY MAN
Stranger: YOU KNOW WHY DAMMIT
You: COME ON
You: OKAY OKAY
You: FUCK
You: IM IN THE FRIDGE
You: WHAT NOW
Stranger: NOW
Stranger: CLOSE
Stranger: THE
Stranger: DOOR
You: I ALREADY FUCKING DID
Stranger: O RLY?
You: YA RLY
Stranger: GRAB THE NEARESET CARTON OF MILK AND RUB YOUR FACE WITH IT
You: OKAY OKAY
You: DO I POUR SOME OF IT IN MY FACE TOO
Stranger: NO
You: IT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA
You: OKAY
You: JUST RUBBING
You: NOW WHAT
Stranger: KEEP ON RUBBING
Stranger: RUB FASTER ASSHOLE!
You: IM RUBBING
You: JESUS CHRIST
You: WHAT DOES THIS DO
Stranger: DON’T PLAY THAT SHIT WITH ME
Stranger: YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES!
You: JESUS CHRIST OKAY FUCK IM RUBBING
Stranger: STOP!
You: WHAT
Stranger: GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND ON THE FLOOR
You: OKAY OKAY
You: FUCK
You: ON THE FLOOR
You: *thump*
Stranger: DO YOU HAVE THE MILK STILL?
You: NO
You: I LEFT IT IN THE FRIDGE MAN
Stranger: GET IT DAMMIT!
You: FUCK FUCK OKAY IM GETTING IT
You: JESUS
You: OKAY I GOT THE MILK
Stranger: FASTER BITCH
Stranger: POUR IT ON THE FLOOR
You: WHAT
You: NEVERMIND
You: IM POURING
You: FUCK
You: WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST POUR MILK ON THE FLOOR FOR?!
Stranger: GO FIND A CAT
You: A CAT
Stranger: A
Stranger: CAT
You: A FUCKING CAT
You: OKAY
You: FUCK
You: I GOT MY CAT
Stranger: SMEAR IT IN THE MILK
You: WHAT
Stranger: I SAID SMEAR IT~!
You: IT WILL NOT LIKE THAT
You: FUCK OKAY
You: SMEARING MY CAT IN MILK
You: JESUS FUCK SHIT
Stranger: STOP SMEARING
You: STOPPED SMEARING
Stranger: TAKE YOUR CAT TO THE NEAREST MARKET
You: BUT I DONT HAVE MY CAR
Stranger: TAKE THE NEIGHBOR’S
You: FUCK
You: OKAY
Stranger: FUCK
You: WHAT
Stranger: YOU’RE RUNNING OUT F TIME
You: HOLY SHIT
You: OKAY
You: TAKING NEIGHBOURS CAR, GOT MY MILK SMEARED CAT
You: DRIVING TO THE MARKET
You: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY GOD DAMN IT YOU FESTERING CUNT
You: IM HAULING ASS
Stranger: HURRY THE ASS UP!
You: ALMOST THERE
You: FUCK
You: FUCK FUCK FUCK
You: I JUST RAN OVER THAT FUCKING KID
You: JESUS FUCK
Stranger: YOU’RE LOSING TIME
You: NEARLY THERE
You: THERE!
You: NOW WHAT
You: COME ON
Stranger: CLIMB ON THE ROOF
You: WITH THE CAT?!
Stranger: YES
You: WTF I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS
You: FUCK
You: OKAYU
You: CLIMBING
You: JESUS
You: SHIT
Stranger: HOLY FUCK CLIMP
Stranger: *CLIMB
You: NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO
Stranger: HOLD YOUR CAT UP IN THE AIR AND WAIT FOR IT TO RAIN
You: WHAT
You: BUT
You: IT COULD TAKE HOURS
Stranger: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK
You: SHIT
You: OKAY
You: FUCK OKAY
You: HOLDING UP MY CAT
Stranger: IS IT RAINING YET
You: STOP SCRATCHING ME YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCK
You: NO
You: NOT YET
Stranger: FUCKBALLS
You: FUCK
You: WAIT
You: I FELT A DROP
Stranger: WAIT TILL IT RAINS
You: ANOTHER ONE
You: WHAT
You: IT FUCKING RAINS
You: BUT I DIN’T EVEN-
Stranger: GET OFF THE ROOF
You: OKAY
You: GETTING OFF THE ROOF
You: DOWN
You: NOW WHAT
You: FUCKING HELL MAN HURRY THE SHITBALLS UP
Stranger: STOP WAISTING TIME
Stranger: SHIT
You: IM WAITING FOR YOU
You: WHAT THE SHIT DO I DO NOW
Stranger: GO IN THE STORE AND LAY DOWN
Stranger: GET IN THERE QUICK
You: OKAY
You: FUCK
You: GETTING IN THERE
You: LAYING DOWN
You: NOW WHAT
You: FUCK
Stranger: WHAT THE HELL
Stranger: GET OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR
You: WHAT
Stranger: GET UP
You: BUT YOU SAID-
You: OKAY FUCK
You: NOW WHAT
Stranger: RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN OUTSIDE
You: WHY DID I EVEN GO INSIDE MAN
Stranger: RUN SHITFUCK
You: IM RUNNING
Stranger: JUMP
Stranger: IN
Stranger: THE
Stranger: MANHOLE
You: WHAT
Stranger: JUMP IN THE MANHOLE
You: FUCK
You: WHATS A MANHOLE
Stranger: THE HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET
You: OKAY FUCK
You: *splash*
You: NOW WHAT
Stranger: RUN TROUGH THE LEFT TUNNEL
Stranger: *THROUGH
Stranger: DAMN IT
You: RUNNING
You: FUCK
Stranger: HURRY
You: INTERSECTION
You: WHERE DO I GO
Stranger: FORWARD
You: THERE IS NO FORWARD
Stranger: SHIT
You: WHAT
You: SHIT WHAT
Stranger: RUN BACKWARD
You: FUCK OKAY
Stranger: MOTHERBITCH YOUR GOING TOO SLOW
You: IM GOING AS FAST AS I CAN
You: FUCK
You: OW BITCH
You: I HIT MY HEAD
Stranger: I DON’T GIVE A WET FUCK
Stranger: HEAD RIGHT
You: RIGHT
You: OKAY
You: FUCK
You: HOLY SHIT
You: WHERE
You: DO
You: I
You: GO
Stranger: GET YOUR ASSBALLS UP THE LADDER ON THE WALL
You: GOING UP
You: FUCK
Stranger: DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR CAT
You: YES
Stranger: ARE YOU UP THE FUCKING LADDER
You: FUCK YES
Stranger: GET YOUR ASS IN THE CHINESE RESTURANT
You: BUT ITS CLOSED
You: ITS A FUCKING SUNDAY
Stranger: BREAK A WINDOW
You: IM GONNA HAVE TO BREAK A WINDOW
You: FUCK
You: OKAY
You: *smash*
You: IM IN
You: WHAT NOW FUCK HURRY UP MAN
Stranger: GO THROUGH THE RED DOOR
You: RED DOOR RIGHT
You: JESUS
Stranger: GO IN THE BASEMENT
You: FUCKING BASEMENT
You: OKAY
Stranger: DO YOU HAVE THE CHOPSTICKS
You: WHAT CHOPSTICKS
Stranger: SHITBALLS
You: FUCK
You: I SAW SOME ON THE DESK UPSTAIRS
You: ILL GO GET THEM
You: FUCK
Stranger: FASTER
You: IM GOING AS FAST AS I CAN
You: GOT THEM’
You: FUCKING CHOPSTICKS
You: IN THE BASEMENT
Stranger: BACK IN THE BASEMENT
You: TELL ME WHAT TO DO
Stranger: STICK THEM THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL
You: BUT ITS MADE OF CONCRETE
You: FUCK
Stranger: DAMN
You: STABBING THE WALL
You: NOW WHAT
Stranger: OPEN THE WALL
You: WITH THE CHOPSTICKS?
Stranger: NO WITH YOUR FACE YES THE CHOPSTICKS
You: OKAY JESUS FUCK
You: OPENING THE WALL
You: THERE’S A FUCKING AMUSEMENT PARK
You: WHAT THE SHIT
You: INSIDE THE WALL
You: BUT I DIDN’T EVEN-
You: FUCK
You: WHERE DO I GO MAN
Stranger: SHUT UP AND RUN
You: JESUS
You: RUNNING
You: FUCK
You: WHERE TO
Stranger: THE MERRY GO ROUND
You: WHERE TO GOD DAMN IT YOU INBRED FUCK
You: FUCKIN HELL
You: OKAY
Stranger: GET YOUR SHIT ON THAT CARACELL
You: IM ON IT
You: IM FUCKING ON IT JEWBALLS
You: FUCK
Stranger: DO YOU STILL HAVE THE CHOPSTICKS ASSHIT
You: YES
You: FUCK
Stranger: STICK THEM IN THE RED HORSE’S EYES
You: THERE IS NO RED HORSE
You: FUCK
You: YES THERE IS
You: I SEE IT
You: STABBING IT IN THE EYE
You: FUCK
Stranger: KEEP STABBING
You: JESUS CHRIST OKAY
You: WHY THE FUCK AM I STABBING A FAKE HORSE
You: IN THE EYES
Stranger: FUCK
You: WITH CHOPSTICKS
Stranger: YOU ONLY HAVE THREE MINUTES
You: JESUS SHIT HURRY THE FUCK UP
You: WHAT DO I DO
Stranger: GET ON THE HORSE
You: OKAY FUCK IM ON IT
Stranger: WAIT
Stranger: .
Stranger: .
You: WHAT
Stranger: .
Stranger: IS IT ALIVE YET
You: WHAT THE FUCK MAN
You: NO
You: ITS A FUCKING FAKE HOR-
You: WAIT A LITTLE
You: FUCK
You: IT’S TEARING FROM THE FUCKING CARUCELL
You: JESUS SHIT WHAT THE HELL
You: FUCK FUCK FUCK
You: ITS ALIVE
Stranger: RIDE THAT ASSFUCK INTO THE ROLLER COASTER
You: OKAY
You: FUCK
Stranger: THIRTY SECONDS JEWBALLS
You: SHIIIIITFUCK
You: IM ON THE ROLLER COASTER
You: I DONT WANNA DIE
Stranger: GOOD
Stranger: THEN
Stranger: JUMP OFF
You: WHAT
You: BUT ITS GOING AT LEAST 140 MPH
Stranger: JUMP OFF THE ROLLER COASTER YOU LITTLE SHIT YOU ONLY HAVE TEN SECONDS
You: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
You: FUCKING FUCK
You: I BROKE MY FUCKING LEG
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
Stranger: 5 SECONDS
Stranger: DIG A HOLE
You: WHAT
You: OKAY
You: DIGGING
You: FUCK
You: FUKC
You: FUCK
You: JESUS FUCK
Stranger: ARE YOU IN YOUR FRIDGE?
You: WHAT?
Stranger: ARE YOU IN YOUR FRIDGE ?
Stranger: SHIT
You: FUCK
You: YES
You: YES I AM
You: WHAT THE SHIT
You: AND MY LEG IS OKAY
You: IS IT OVER
You: IS IT FUCKING OVER GOD DAMN IT TELL ME
Stranger: YES
Stranger: FUCK…
You: … I really don’t know what just happened… but.. but.. I think.. I think I need to cry a little.
Stranger: Free at last…
Stranger: You did it… you won the game…
You: I WON THE FUCKING GAME?
Stranger: YOU
Stranger: WON
Stranger: THE
Stranger: GAME
You: *dies from overexcitement*
Stranger: Shit.
Stranger: It’s all over, finally.
Stranger: 12 – 6 cloud?
You: … no.
Stranger: WHAT THE FU-
Stranger: MY ROOF IS GONE
You: Man
You: calm down
You: breathe with me
Stranger: What do I do?!
You: inhaaaaale
You: exhaaaaaale
You: breathe
You: one more time
You: ready?
Stranger: *inhaaale*
You: inhaaaale
You: exhaaaaaale
Stranger: *inhaaaale*
Stranger: *exhaaaaaale*
You: that feels better doesn’t it?
Stranger: Yes….
Stranger: But you answered the question wrong again!!!!
You: Well sir, of that I’m sorry.
Stranger: Do you know what that means…
You: But I must thank you for being a part of the most random conversation I have ever been a part of.
You: It was truly an interesting, joyful, but slightly disturbing experience.
Stranger: I must thank you for saving the ca-… what did ever happen to your cat?
You: God fucking knows, man.
You: God fucking knows.
You: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA *CSI Miami tune*
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Mathias from Norway

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (119 votes, score: 4.64)
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The Milkman Conspiracy

February 28th, 2010
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello
Stranger: hi
You: Who are you?
Stranger: i’m Korean
You: I am the Milkman. My milk is delicious.
Stranger: !!!!!!!!!!
You: My employer has commissioned me to deliver this milk, to whitewash what went on here. I cannot rest until I have made my final delivery.
You: Do you like milk?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: coffee milk
You: Do you work in the sewers?
Stranger: i like coffee milk
Stranger: yes
You: Good
You: Gross! That is a terrible job! I would never let you date my daughter.
Stranger: ……..!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: T^T
Stranger: Is mean
You: I am the Milkman.
You: My milk is delicious.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by The Milkman from Boyds Mind

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (11 votes, score: 4.36)
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