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Archive for September, 2009

The Machine

September 16th, 2009
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Stranger: Yo, there old chap. How’s it rolling?
You: Oh, fine, thank you, sir.
You: What can I do for you, sir?
Stranger: Well, what would you want to do? I mean surely we can have a nice conversation?
You: Certainly, sir. And by the way we are working on your last inquiry, sir.
You: Everything is under control.
Stranger: Eeexcellent
You: Yes, the robots are being installed with lasers right now, sir.
You: About 60% of the work is done, sir.
You: We expect the hovercrafts to be complete by the end of the moth, sir.
Stranger: End of month!!!?
Stranger: I said they hade to be ready in a week!
Stranger: You fools
You: I am sorry, sir. We had some incidents.
Stranger: And what was that?
You: The new engines were not throughly tested. Test team D died in flight due to malfunction.
Stranger: Nah, they were incompetent anway
Stranger: just send their families these lunch tickets
You: Certainly, sir! Will do right away, sir!
Stranger: Eeexcellent
You: The Agency will cover the expences, sir. So the price will not change.
You: We are willing to give you a 10% discount on next purchases, sir.
Stranger: Price doesn’t matter. Nothing will after device is activated.
Stranger: But I’m growing old od waiting
Stranger: How about we put it on for a test?
You: Let me check the calendar, sir.
You: Next monday, sir?
Stranger: I want it actiaveted riht now you buffoon! I’ll pay you ten times your month salary.
You: I undertsand your frustration, sir. I just received a message that we are willing to give you a 20% discount in future purchases
Stranger: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE. I JUST WANT THE DEVICE TO BE ACTIVATED.
Stranger: Where is that damn switch?
You: You, sir, are one of our dearest customers, but to the nature of our business we are unable to perform such requests so soon.
You: My management will contact you shortly with the new catalogues and doscount information, sir.
You: Let me remind you that the incident only affected the hovercrafts, not other purchases.
Stranger: Where do I activate the A.I. circuit?
Stranger: It’s this button right here, isn’t it?
You: The instructions will be inside the box, or they can be downloaded from our website, sir.
You: I am affraid, your contract didn’t cover support, sir.
Stranger: So..first I turn this keey….
Stranger: and then I press this button, right?
Stranger: You: Eeexcellent
Stranger: You; What is going on?
You: We are offering and extensive support via phone by our professionals at our regular price, sir.
Stranger: You: Do I need to press it again?
You: Would you like to extend your existing contract?
Stranger: You: You: What is this?
Stranger: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: OH MY LORD
You: Did the program go into the loop?
Stranger: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: It’s sucking me in
You: In that case, I suggest you run, sir!
Stranger: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: You: THIS CANCELS THE PROGRAM, RIGHT?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by George B. from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (76 votes, score: 4.57)
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Just a Normal Doggie Lover

September 16th, 2009
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Stranger: hey my girlfriend had sex with a dog should i still go out with her?
You: of course
Stranger: why
You: why not??
You: thats kinda exciting
Stranger: doggy herps
You: it may bring some joy to your relationship ;)
You: new experiences…
You: hell yeha
Stranger: your sum kinda freak huh
You: naah, im just a normal doggie lover
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by uuu7 from Holland

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (42 votes, score: 3.64)
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Venting on Omegle

September 16th, 2009
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Stranger: sup man
You: hey
You: not a man
Stranger: oh sorry
You: but i’m just hangin
Stranger: listen, i just wanted to say something. something i’ve been meaning to say for a long time now.
Stranger: listen
Stranger: Stocks have clawed back from early losses to post moderate gains as traders push into utilities and industrial companies.

The day’s early losses are tied to fears that a trade war could erupt between the U.S. and China. The U.S. has imposed trade penalties on tires coming from that country.

Utilities have pulled the market higher following a report of a takeover in the industry.

The Dow Jones industrial average is up 21 at 9,627. It was down more than 100 points in early trading. The Standard & Poor’s 500 index is up 7 at 1,049. The Nasdaq composite index is up 11 at 2,092.

Two stocks rose for every one that fell on the New York Stock Exchange, where volume came to a moderate 1.2 billion shares.

Stranger: you know what i mean
Stranger: shit
You: yeah
You: i know
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i was hoping you’d understand
Stranger: thanks
You: of course
You: no problem
Stranger: i’m glad you’re there for me when i really need it. anyway i gotta go. peace
You: no prb
Stranger: thanks for everything
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Shana from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (27 votes, score: 3.70)
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What is Yellow Submarines?

September 16th, 2009
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: We all live in a yellow submarine.
Stranger: and then?
You: We sink. And die of scurvy
You: And air deprivation.
Stranger: why?
You: Because Yellow submarines are just not hidden very well.
You: The russians will win. And shoot it.
Stranger: what is yellow submarines?
You: Uh
You: A beatles song.
You have disconnected.

Submitted by Arkie from Australia

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (41 votes, score: 3.93)
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If You Had One Wish

September 7th, 2009
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hey
You: If you had one wish what would it be
Stranger: Hmmm…
Stranger: I’d wish for
Stranger: There to be a God.
You: there is a god
Stranger: Nope, I don’t think so; but I can’t really be sure of that.
You: i prayed to him to make all the children safe and look micheal jackson died
Stranger: But wishing it, like, from a genie, would make it certain for me.
Stranger: Hahahahaha
Stranger: I see.
You: PROOF IN PRAYER
Stranger: Right-o.
Stranger: What wish would you ahve?
Stranger: have*
You: a bigger penis
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Alex from USA

Author: Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (33 votes, score: 4.06)
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