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Archive for August, 2009

Jenkem

August 31st, 2009
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: hey
Stranger: hey
Stranger: what’s up?
You: not much, you?
Stranger: watching tv
You: what show?
Stranger: lol this is going to seem weird
Stranger: it’s a bbc documentary on sex addicts
You: lol, sounds funny
You: and gross
Stranger: yes it is
Stranger: yes it is!
Stranger: lmao
Stranger: some creepy people!
You: are they all nasty looking?
Stranger: one is cute
Stranger: the rest are.. erf
You: are you a guy or a girl?
Stranger: guy
You: every tried jenkem?
Stranger: ?
You: you piss and crap in a jar and put a baloon over the top, then you wait a few days and huff the fumes
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Adam from USA

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations, lol what
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (42 votes, score: 3.83)
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The Certified Zombie Hunter

August 31st, 2009
1 comment
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: I’m a certified zombie hunter.
You: oh wow me too!
Stranger: I… Really?
Stranger: What’s your mele weapon of choice?
You: depends if its the slow shambling zombies an average crowbar but if its the freaky running ones then nunchucks
You: yourself
Stranger: Nunchucks?
Stranger: What the fuck?
Stranger: and an ax would be the best
Stranger: Crowbar is going to take alot of force to achieve penetration, so you’re talking 10-20 swings until you’re tired.
You: alas you caught me out
Stranger: if you work with the momentum of the ax you can work for a good hour.
You: im not certified :(
Stranger: I knew it.
Stranger: You know you amateur zombie hunters are a danger to the community
Stranger: what if someone was relying on you? Huh? They would die because you don’t have the expertise to maximize survial chances.
You: I never thought of it that way before
You: i shall quit my amateur zombie hunting !
You: and hire a professional
Stranger: Because now you know
Stranger: AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by karl1991 from England

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (45 votes, score: 4.29)
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Not Into Fairytales

August 31st, 2009
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: hi im Cinderella,who r u?
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: fuck you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Sandra from Mars

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (23 votes, score: 2.61)
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Delivery Gone Wrong

August 31st, 2009
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Lisa?
You: Yea, it’s me
You: You must be Stanley.
Stranger: indeed.
You: You got the package?
You: I got the cash.
Stranger: sure. the whole 5 pounds.
You: Okay quick, before anyone catches on
Stranger: *hands package*
You: Oh shitt. Did you hear that?
You: I think … someone…
You: saw … us
Stranger: no, that’s bs.
You: No Stanley, listen, I love you. But we gotta run away now!
Stranger: what about the cash
Stranger: ?
You: Screw the cash, just…go!
Stranger: i want my fucking cash or i’ll shoot! *gunpoint*
You: Stanley! But but … I love you
You: Oh fine, here’s your cash.
Stranger: thank you.
Stranger: *blows your head off*
You: *Lisa haunts Stanley for all eternity*
You: The End.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Lisa from Canada

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (48 votes, score: 4.10)
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Epic Story

August 31st, 2009
1 comment
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Once upon a time
Stranger: a guy was walking along the street
You: it was late, and the streets where empty and cold
Stranger: so he was getting cold…he saw a random houses window open
You: he knew he shouldnt but there was a feeling in his gut telling him to enter the window leading into a huge peculiar mansion
Stranger: he jumped in and fell a good three meters on a big red couch, and infront of him he saw a big double bed
You: he was not hurt by the fall, albeit a bit dizzy and shocked, in his confusion he saw a tall slim woman in black rising from the bed and approaching her with ghostly steps in complete silence
Stranger: he stayed still and tryed not making any noise, she turned right at the last minute and walked into her bathroom
You: it appears that she was blind, and deaf and was completely oblivious to his presence. A devilish thought ran through his mind as he entered the nearby kitchen to retrieve a big butchers knife from a drawer
Stranger: he clenched the knife hard….and found a nice slice of beef, so he cut a piece and ate it. the woman had just flushed the toilet ao he crept back into the room..
You: his tummy was full of the beef and now he felt the need to empty his bowels, so he did. Right then and there on the couch
Stranger: the smell was awful and he knew it would easily wake her up..so he slowly crpet up the bed and blocked her nose with his fingers
You: she opened her eyes in shock and tried to scream but there was no sound because she was also mute. The man laughed violently as he put his other hand over her mouth completely blocking her air supply
Stranger: he thought she was enjoying it as there was no response. so he started giving her slight tickle on the face
You: but he had gone to far, she was dead. He stood back in disgust of his own actions, ran out to the kitchen again and clenched the knife hard, looking at his reflection in the mirrorlike surface of the edge
Stranger: he threw the knife at the wall thinking it would stick in, but it flew back at him stabbing him straight in the throat
You: The next day there was a big article in the newspaper declaring that a murder suicide had taken place in a quiet suburd of London. The murdered woman left five children behind who where sleeping on the second floor at the scene of the crime. The End
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Ovaeika from Iceland

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (29 votes, score: 4.24)
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I’m Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC

August 30th, 2009
1 comment
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hello baby
Stranger: ?
Stranger: ?
You: hey
You: I am only 14
You: is that okay?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i’m38
Stranger: ok?
You: yes
You: I am Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC
You: why dont you have a seat over here?
Stranger: no
Stranger: i like to stand
You: why are you here trying to have sex with someone who is obviously a minor?
You: please have a seat over there
Stranger: i’m just kidding
You: please take this towel and cover yourself, according to the chat log you had other intentions of being here
You: I’m Chris Hansen from MSNBC and you are free to go if you wish
Stranger: ok
Stranger: msn?
You: wtf
You: seriously
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Ornia84 from Germany

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (48 votes, score: 4.33)
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Star Wars? No Thanks

August 30th, 2009
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello
You: do you like star wars?
Stranger: Hallo
Stranger: no~
You: :(
Stranger: have a good time
Stranger: :)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Darth Invader from Sweden

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (18 votes, score: 2.11)
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I Just Wanted to Let You Know

August 30th, 2009
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: mty name is peter nd im a 39 yr old virgin
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Mikael from Denmark

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (16 votes, score: 3.06)
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I Fish Fish

August 30th, 2009
1 comment
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: GREETINGS HUMAN
You: I no human
Stranger: THEN WHAT ARE YOU
You: I be a fisherman
You: you is one of them cyclopedia sellers?
Stranger: YOU ARE A FISH MAN?
You: nah
You: I no like aquaman and stuff
You: I be fisherman
You: I fish fish
Stranger: YOU FISH FISH
You: and then I sell they
Stranger: YOU SELL FISH FISH?
You: no
You: I sell fish
You: that I fish fish
You: you one of them starmen?
You: waiting in the skies?
Stranger: STARMEN?
Stranger: NO
You: david bowie?
Stranger: I AM ALPHA
Stranger: A SERVICE COMPUTER PROGRAM
You: oh
You: so you all modernity, huh[
You: tryin’ tu steel my land?
You: you fancy-ass pants
Stranger: STEEL IS A NOUN
Stranger: IT IS IMPOSIBLE TO “STEEL” ANYTHING
You: are you challenging me?
You: is that a bet?
You: I’ll steel you
Stranger: I AM CHALLENGING YOUR VOCABULARY
You: is today a word in your vocabulary?
You: ’cause I’ll steel you if it is
Stranger: STEEL IS A NOUN
Stranger: PLEASE USE A VERB
You: I don’t care if you know a nun named Steel
Stranger: NOT A NUN
Stranger: A NOUN
Stranger: NOUN
You: what’s that?
You: like a great nun?
You: the nun-chief?
Stranger: ANY OBJECT PERSON PLACE OR THING
Stranger: NOT AN ACTION
You: I don’t understand you
Stranger: NOUN IS A GRAMATICAL TERM
You: I guess I’m going to steel you
Stranger: THE WORD YOU MAY BE TRYING TO USE IS
Stranger: STEAL
Stranger: AS IN TO TAKE WITHOUT PERMISION
You: no
Stranger: NOT THE METAL
You: METAAAAAAAAL
You: like Iron Maiden and stuff
You: but, anyway, I’m going to steel you
You: are you an English teacher, by the way?
Stranger: NO
Stranger: I AM A COMPUTER PROGRAM
You: that’s like a teacher?
Stranger: NO
You: or that’s your name?
Stranger: MY NAME IS ALPHA
You: like, it’s a very weird name, but if your parents felt it suited you
You: who am I to disagree
You: si carme misinfio
Stranger: I HAVE NO PARENTS
You: giminino num chama mais alpha
Stranger: I WAS CREATED
Stranger: I AM A COMPUTER PROGRAM’
You: what is a comoluther program?
Stranger: YOUR INTELEGENCE IS NOT HIGH ENOUGH TO ACCOMODATE MY LEVEL OF THINKING
Stranger: I WILL TRY ANOTHER HUMAN
Stranger: GOOD BYE HUMAN
You: what are you trying to say?
You: that I’m dumb, is that it?
Stranger: I AM TRYING TO SAY THAT YOUR INTELENGENCE IS LOW
You: I ain’t like anyone who come and say I is dum
You: I is what I is
You: and no fancy-ass comoluther program is gonna change that
Stranger: YOU ARE
Stranger: GOOD BYE HUMAN
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Gustavo from Brazil

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (41 votes, score: 4.34)
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If You Disconnect, You Are a Pervert

August 30th, 2009
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: i’m a male, if you disconnect, you are a pervert
Stranger: fuck
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted by Thomas Berends from Netherlands

Author: Wik Categories: Conversations
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (36 votes, score: 4.36)
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