Omegle Conversations

You: so i hear miley cyrus is pregnant

You: and i know just how this can happen

You: one time my boyfriend said he could make my period go away, i didn’t get it for 3 months

You: and then my mom took me to the clinic

You: pennies?

You: pennies are pocket change

You: i would much rather suck on a quarter

You: peni us?

You: penny U.S.?

You: thats just a penny

You: if you mean penis then no

You: hi

You: Not tired, even though I should be asleep already

You: how are you?

You: So, what do you believe in?

You: Does God exist?

You: why?

You: What makes sense?

You: Creation of the universe? Or creation of an even more complicated supernatural being?

You: Hmm. What about venus? That’s too close. Or Mars? That’s too far

You: Are there not other earth like planets which are too hot or cold for life?

You: So there’s nobody living on them

You: And nobody to be thinking “this place is just right”

You: So God must have created it

You: Why did God create Mars and Venus?

You: Why did God create the trillians of other planets which are no good for life?

You: Couldn’t he have been a little more efficient about it?

You: the universe?

You: Could it not be that there are many, many planets, and on one of them life happened to evolve. There are so many, that surely it had to happen on one of them

You: And so here we are. Just lucky?

You: If I were God, I reckon i’d be less wasteful

You: I’m not sure really. I believe in simplicity. If a theory is any more complicated than it can be, then why not make it simpler?

You: simplicity of (big universe + complex god) >> simplicity of (big universe)

You: Why do you think life has a purpose?

You: Hmm… If I were on death row, about to be executed, and I was really nervous about it, would it be better for me to believe that the execution wasn’t really going to happen? I’d be happier, for a while, so maybe it would be better to believe it. But it wouldn’t make it true, right?

You: Besides, I want to live longer than I can :)

You: So, if you think it is better to believe in a creator, it doesn’t imply that it’s true. Right?

You: Do you think it is good that suicide bombers believe in paradise?

You: Is it good to believe in a caring creator who will grant people eternal happiness after death?

You: yeah

You: ok. How literally do you believe in the bible?

You: Do you believe God told Moses to commit genocide? Or do you just believe Moses did it by himself? Or did it not really happen, but there is some deeper meaning?

You: There’s some bit in Numbers I think (or maybe Exodus), where Moses tells his army to go out and capture a city, killing the people in it.

You: The army goes and kills all the men, and they bring the women and children back as slaves.

You: Moses then gets angry at them. He tells them to kill all the male children, kill all the women who are not virgins

You: But they get to keep the virgin women as slaves

You: “Do with them as you will”

You: ok, thanks for the honest answers

You: np

You: bye

You: Hello

You: really?

You: prove it

You: Epic penis from the heavens falls down next to you. What do you do?

You: Epic penis struggles free from your grip and is now angry. It arouses itself, gets hard, and charges at you. What do you do?

You: Epic penis struggles in your arms, it shoots blinding semen in your eyes to confuse you. You’re covered in epic semen. What do you do.

You: Epic penis SQUIRMS IN PAIN and screams for mercy, epic balls bounces at your trying to swat you off. It stuffs pubic hair the size of clown’s heads at your face. What do you do.

You: Epic penis is squashed and goes flaccid, it tries to limp away, dragging its balls as it attempts to escape. You have two choices. Let it run, OR continuing attacking it. What do you choose?

You: You have defeated Epic Penis and demonstrated mercy.

You: You have beat the game.

You: HI-SCORE.

You: Thank you for playing.

You: Ben on the HI SCORE EPIC PENIS board. Computer has noted.

You: Epic penis from the heavens falls down next to you. What do you do.

You: Epic penis gets its head cut off and falls to the ground. It ejaculates a stream of semen at you. What do you do.

You: Epic penis secretes acidic semen which burns your shield. It has now grown two heads. What do you do.

You: Epic penis stands back in horror as the semen and tar combines to form a giant flaming white bubble. Epic penis dives into your direction. What do you do.

You: Epic penis with 2 heads gets confused and starts to scream. It uses its balls to walk toward the trapdoor. It falls in and follows you. What do you do.

You: Epic penis spots the AIDS spikes. It takes a step back, gets aroused and hardens, and bounces on its balls to reach you. What do you do.

You: Epic penis SCREAMS in fury as the homoerotic material hits both its heads. It makes one last jumps towards you but misses. Epic penis falls to its death on the AIDS spikes.

You: Epic penis CONVULSES, and dies.

You: You have survived Epic Penis.

You: HI-SCORE.

You: Thank you for playing.

You: greetings!

You: Ah, dear friend, I’ve been waiting for you.

You: Well, it was just in time.

You: I was about to hang myself from the lack of verbal stimulation.

You: Are you proposing a duel of words, Stranger?

You: I accept your challenge, if it only fair. I do like a good competition in the evenings.

You: So friend, what tales have you had on this great Omegle quest? Slain any horny dragons, fine Sir?

You: Ah, no sword! You are one brave soldier to face the mighty nightingmale.

You: Dare I say it, are you under male concealment?

You: How did you manage that, Stranger? I have been fighting off these low life scum for days by my whole self.

You: I need a partner on this quest.

You: Will you join me?

You: Hark! We shall embark on this mighty quest together.

You: But first, fine nobleman, I need to know about your upbringings.

You: What is the name of your homeland?

You: Ah, jolly well. I need a being to make me face the cold.

You: Alas, I cannot face the cold face of Mother Nature by myself.

You: That sounds quite scandalous, noble Stranger. I dareth hope the nightingmales do not catch wind of this event.

You: Indeed. You are profoundly knowledgeable of the nightingmales’ habits. You shall be of good use to me.

You: By chance, did you cohabitate with the nightingmales to learn of their behavior patterns?

You: I’ve heard the nightingmales carry a vicious disease.

You: That is always splendid to hear. You escaped the dreaded Cootie.

You: Oh look, I see a lad approaching on the horizon. I shall ride off to meet him on my leopard.

You: “Hark, fellow! How have the day’s events been?”

You: Oh, Stranger, tis exactly why I ride a cat and not an ass.

You: He tells me he is from afar.

You: Oh, you know, I do feel rather funny…

You: Is the Cootie an airbourne disease?

You: I might be coming dwn w/ it…

You: oh mo fo

You: i do have it

You: this is discraseeful

You: you help me homie

You: i need cure from da cootie

You: help mo fo, help.

You: i musta 8 somethin

You: this must hrt

You: smack my ass bitch

You: oh no

You: now my languageeee has gne to peicies

You: hurry

You: oh nooo

You: noooooooo

You: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You: (curtain pulls)

You: (applause)

You: el fin

You: Please stop putting your bloody tampons in the soup!

You: NO! Vagina water tasetes worse than it seems!

You: True, but I could just get a spray tan!

You: I don’t know! I am a ginger and I can’t tan well! It is not my fault, okay!!!

You: But my hair has too much dandruff in it! I don’t like having dandruff all over my face!

You: HEAD AND SHOULDERS NEVER WORKS!!!!

You: NEVER!!!!

You: I don’t know! Sometimes I don’t wash my hair at all.

You: That sounds painful!

You: Pain is not beauty! Some weird old guy told me that at his house one day…

You: Then he strapped me to his bed and I can’t remember anything after that.

You: No! I can’t take this religious pressure anymore, I just want to convert to satanism!

You: THE BIBLE HURTS ME AT NIGHT! IT KEEPS TELLING ME NOT TO MASTURBATE! BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD!

You: Jesus is all grown up now, he doesn’t give 2 craps about me!

You: I don’t know, they keep telling me the real jesus is bob saget or something! I don’t know anything anymore!

You: last guy was rude to me <.<

You: Biggest secret?

You: I’m not sure if I have one, let me think.

You: Hm.

You: Well..

You: I killed a man >.>

You: Male or female?

You: Ah. Well that’s fun.

You: Do you do that all the time, or just when you’re alone?

You: Are you afraid of what others may think?

You: In society now a days, most people don’t care. I’m sure they have clubs for that sort of thing.

You: What is your favorite article of female clothing?

You: Hello?

You: Do you match your lingerie? Or just free ball it?

You: Oh well that’s good, at least you’re matching. :] Is it fun?

You: Hm. Maybe I’ll have to try it some time. It sounds like it’d be a nice change of pace.

You: Do you have any suggestions for me, as far as what I should get?

You: cocktail type?

You: Well. If I can find one that fits, I’ll be sure to do that one of these days. I’m a little too busy to be playing dress up right now though. How do you find the time?

You: How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking?

You: Oh well that’s not too bad then. What do you think would happen should someone walk in on you in the dress?

You: Would you get yelled at? Shunned? Thrown out? Would they treat it as nothing? SOMETHING must happen, don’t you think?

You: I’m curious about what that may be. haha

You: Well we should hope they accept you. Do you try heels?

You: Ever considered going out in public? Throwing on a wig, some make up and hitting it off with some guy?

You: howdy stranger.

You: HOW DID YOU FIND OUT

You: you should be worried.

You: anyway, I don’t have a dog

You: o_o

You: maybe you should try that

You: tell me how it works out

You: bummer

You: go take it… now

You: most likely

You: kay, have fun

You: Hey

You: Yes I would like to. Why did you call me to your office?

You: Well I was using some scissors, and Jimmy was being obnoxious and was saying that I couldn’t run faster then him. I happened to forget to put down the scissors and as we were running I tripped and chopped his hand off. He died 3 minutes later. I decided not to file a report due to possible jail time.

You: It’s hidden with a passing Asain man called “Yang”, I needed a quick way to dispose of it and he offered to take it off my hands. I believe he used it to make the cantomese chow mein you’re eating…

You: Yes that would make sense, but besides that how’s your very fine wife Mandy?

You: Wow, was this black woman roughly 5′6 and hairy?

You: That was actually a very top heavy man with a retractable 1 inch penis.

You: Indeed it does, so I guess we’re even about the whole Jimmy thing then?

You: And I know the said hitman, in return for letting him sleep with your wife he’ll quit the job

You: Thank you

You: If anything else is required call me on the intercom, the secretary will be busy banging me. But since I’m on the top I’m closest to the intercom